I have posted previously about MIL around 2 years ago. She was being overtly intrusive and critical about my parenting choices and DD was born, to the point I felt completely claustrophobic and burating with fury.
DH took the brunt, but has slowly come to terms with putting MIL in her place when required. She has improved and has been helpful lately, but I can see discreet behaviours beginning to creep in again.
Firstly, whenever I speak to, play with, sing to or chastise DD infront of her, she will speak or sing over me loudly to divert her attention back to her. I feel very conscious when she's around as she adds her opinion constantly at my choices of food to give her, the temp of her bedroom etc. But all very subtle comments like "I'm so cold in this room that I think I will have to go home."
DH had nipped to take the rubbish out and she waited until he had gone until she said anything, I told DH when he left and we both agreed the room wasn't cold at all.
A couple of weeks ago, I told MIL what I planned on buying DD for her 3rd birthday and low and behold, a week later she had the same thing sitting in her front room waiting for her arrival. Her defence was that it was second hand and a 'bargain' so surely she could have one at their house too.
Although she hasn't yet undermined my parenting when I chastise DD, I'm waiting for it. And to be honest I think I'll blow my top. She's currently having tantrums and we are having to regularly chastise her. I refrain from telling her off infront of MIL as I expect a comeback, but why shouldn't I? I'm on pins in her company. If we go on a family day trip and I make a decision she never disagrees but will push and push an opposite decision until DH tells her to back off. By that point I'm usually furious and snap at her too.
I am finding it increasingly difficult in her company, but her behaviours are very subtle so there's not a lot I can do. She also gets very giggly and smug like when she winds people up, so speaking seriously to her would not work in my favour.
DH and DBL are planning a surprise family outing for her birthday and I really don't want to go. Stuck with her for an entire day. I'll be on pins and it's exhausting. DH says that MILS behaviour is completely unintended "she's just a bit self centred not malicious, never call her malicious" He says.
I think she is malicious, in a smug-like, childish sort of way.
Thoughts? And ways to cope? DH and I don't have the best relationship at present so we could really do without the pressure from MIL right now.
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Relationships
MIL's subtle invasive behaviour
dollytrix · 13/04/2016 13:48
In what parallel universe is singing loudly over the top of you subtle? 
Just call her out on her behaviour, every time. People like this rely on the fact that people like you and me are too pleasant and civilised to say anything that could make things uncomfortable. You don't have to be rude or argumentative, just be politely straight-talking, and a little baffled on occasion. When she says it's so cold she'll have to go home, say cheerily, 'Well, it's been lovely to see you...' as you hold her coat out and open the door. If she buys duplicate presents, frown and say, 'But... why would DD want two...?' If she talks across you, laugh gaily and say, 'Gosh, I can't hear myself think! Would you mind if I just finish talking to DD, and then I can give my full attention to what you're saying MIL!' Have fun. She will get tired of it long before you do.
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