We all know that sex is one of the most important things in a relationship. But when does it make it ok for the woman/man to not want sex, even though the other party is sexually frustrated.
I hope I'm being clear. I've only been in one relationship (which I am in, though not a healthy one), so I don't have experience of what's it's like to be in a healthy relationship. But I've been reading many threads by men and women posting that they are not having much of an active sex life and of course they feel unattractive, not loved even etc and many posters agreed.
So I'm looking back and I'm thinking if I'm in the wrong for refusing to have sex with DP for that matter. He is very sexually frustrated with me, which I must admit has been one of our most problems for the last 8 years, but I guess most of the time I refused to have sex with him was because I always felt used.
So finally going into what I really want to post about. I have a 7 year old DS, and I was pregnant a couple of months ago but-l sadly decided to terminate, because of that reason, I don't want to have sex with DP for now- I can't explain, I guess I'm still grieving. But anyhow, I haven't had sex with DP for 5 months now and as you can imagine he is very sexually frustrated.
I was with DP today, and he was being flirty, I knew what he wanted so I told him that I was on my period and he quickly went away from me and then he got very angry (this was in public), he then resorted to belittling me and putting me down... Saying things like "I've been putting up with this for 9 years, I'm not doing it anymore, you always have an excuse not to have sex with me, but the other girls I speak to don't make up excuses...I can get a girl better than you, I've sacrificed everything for you and this is what I get, I'm not waiting for you, I'm not, even my friend said I'm a dickhead and he introduced me to an app where I can speak to girls, you told me to go to other girls, so I will go to them..*".
*
Then my friend rang me, who I am a bit preoccupied with as she's currently going through domestic violence, when I got off the phone, DP then proceeded to say " your always on your phone to that friend, is she more than important than me, but wait hold on, your quick to pick up the phone to your friend, but you blocked me for four days, when you know I was suppose to see my SON on the weekend".
I blocked him, which I know was wrong, considering he was suppose to see DS on the weekend (we don't live together- yet... But you can kinda see why I'm a bit apprehensive to live with him). But the reason why I blocked him was because everytime he called me he always asked for sex, which was getting me down, a wall along or going to the museum would be nice and I'm up for that, but no, he always wants me to come to his.
Anyway, throughout this "conversation", I was very quiet as I know that if I talk back to him, it would escalate. So DP noticed this and said " Talk then! Why are you not talking! Your ready to chat shit on the phone, but you can't talk now? I said talk!!!".
I make a light conversation as I know he would get even more angry if I didn't say anything.
DP then carried on saying " you don't care that I'm about to get evicted, but you care about your friend more than me, your quick to answer her phone calls but you can't answer mine ". I wanted to say reply it was because that everytime he called me it would start off as...."how's DS...", followed by "can you come to mine?". But I quickly closed my mouth.
Passer bys were looking at us and I told DP to be quiet, then he came up to me- like he was going to fight me and said " Don't tell me what to do, I swear to God don't ".
Luckily, we were coming up to the train station as I'm studying at uni and had to make it to my class, so I told him that I had to go, then he went back to his place.
Honestly, I felt so suffocated during that entire "conversation" I breathed a sigh of relief when he left and considered that I should leave this son of asshole. But then when I read threads that people are getting. Sexually frustrated and that sex is important in a relationship, I then feel bad and start feeling sorry for DP.
What do you mumsnetters think?
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Relationships
Do I owe to give my DP sex?
hollowintheriver · 24/03/2016 18:54
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
He was physically abusive 
. He hasn't physically abused me for nearly three years, but that could be because I've been avoiding him.
I'm not happy with him, but I'm scared to move on. His the only guy I've been with and I'm worried that I won't love anyone as much as I loved him. It's sad isn't it? I just wanted to burst into tears today, because the argument today was like a flashback of how he was like before. Not only that, but I miss my baby I terminated, but the argument with him highlighted the reason why I terminated in the In the first place, I didn't want to bring another child into our fucked up relationship. But it hurts so much.
LTB! You don't him in your or your DS lives.
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