DH and I have been married 10 years together 13. We also own and run a company with 50 employees together (this is relevant, honestly). We have 2 DC aged 6 and 4. He is a lovely man and a brilliant dad
Tbh our sex life has never been brilliant and I suspect that at least 50% of that is because although I love and care for him and we make a good team I'm not really attracted to him anymore, but that is partly because when we do have sex it's not really enjoyable so it's a bit of a vicious circle.
Obviously there's all the usual relationship stuff that you would expect after 13 years together, but he's a good man. A bit grumpy and inclined to sulk but not abusive in any way.
Anyway...
The last couple of times we've had sex I've gone from not particularly wanting to, which I could live with, to actively not wanting to, which I can't. The last time we did was last weekend and I felt a kind of internal horror the whole time but didn't really feel I was in a position to refuse because we've been arguing a bit recently and I felt I needed to show him everything was OK.
Then last night I was in bed when he came up. He put his hand on my hip and started stroking me and I kind of half laughed and said "that's a bit optimistic for this time of night". He said "yes but I can still have a play though" and carried on touching me. I was lying on my side facing away from him and didn't respond to either the comment or the touching at all. After a few minutes I got up and got a drink of water and that was pretty much it.
So...
Nothing happened, I didn't say no, he didn't do anything wrong, but I still feel horrible this morning. I know I'm probably not going to be able to avoid sex this weekend without upsetting him (no violence, just low level sulking) so I'm pretty much going to do it even though I don't want to just to keep the peace. But I don't want to go on feeling like this forever.
So what do I do? I can't leave - the investors we have for the business mean I actually literally can't - my contract only allows me to leave from death or critical illness for the next 5 years at least. Plus I think that once you have children assuming there's no abuse then you have a responsibility to put their happiness first rather than your own so I don't feel comfortable breaking up the family unit at the moment.
But I don't want to go on feeling like this either I don't know what I can do
Oh, have name changed for this obvs
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
How much of this is me and wtf do I do?
Ihopeyouhadthetimeofyourlife · 12/03/2016 09:20
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