A couple of things have happened that once again made me question whether I'm being touchy and oversensitive and looking for a problem in everything my DP does, or whether he is genuinely being unreasonable. I cannot make this judgements myself and I have nobody at all to ask.
DP gets frustrated when I cannot do certain things he has asked, moving heavy furniture, map reading and flat pack to name a few. (I have other talents in the arena of sewing and baking squidgey chocolate cakes, we can't be good at everything IMO!). This takes the form of huffing and puffing, eye rolls, comments like 'you can't have really tried', generally being in a visibly wound-up mood directly due to my failure to complete said task.
(FYI - I always try my best. Tis one of my 'things'). Here's where it gets difficult - he doesn't shove me, call me names, tell me to fuck off, and it's difficult to explain how subtle this is, but he conveys a general air of being dismissive, disappointed in me, and angry that I haven't done what was asked.
Example 2! Heating is fooked. Apparently I woke DP up in bed last night by 'forcibly lying next to him' (verbatim!). He was annoyed enough to tell me this morning. I suggested that I could use a sleeping bag until the heating is fixed, as I was completely unaware I was doing this and must have been cold and cuddling up to him instinctively (surely anyone else would thing this was sweet?!). DP then had a MASSIVE go because I failed to 'apologise for the pain and suffering I caused him'.
Yes, 'Pain and Suffering'.
When we talk about these things I'm told that it's normal for him to feel frustrated with me. I agree completely but have suggested that being frustrated does not justify unkindness or rudeness, we should still show each other care and respect; DP disagreed and basically told me that if he is frustrated by me, the fact that I am the cause makes it automatically reasonable and expected that he should get angry AT me.
Remember, he has never called me an awful name, hit me, told me to fuck off, so as far as I know he is being completely unreasonalbe and I'm being over sensitive? I know everyone gets angry at everyone sometimes but I just think there's no real need to make someone else feel small just because they pissed you off, if they didn't mean to do it.
Once I asked him if he's aware of the impact his bad moods and associated taking out on me has on my happiness, my confidence? He countered this by citing the impact my depression has had on him. So I can't get very far in a discussion to resolve these things as we ALWAYS end up discussing something I've done wrong which is just as bad/worse!
If you've stuck with me this far, thankyou. Please help. I can't go on like this.
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please help me judge whether this is ok or not, I have noone in RL to ask.
alwaysaskingquestionz · 14/05/2015 15:38
No it's not OK. It's very shoddy behaviour. It's constant erosion of your emotional well-being. A drip of water may not have the same shock factor as a flood, but it will sure as hell still erode rock. He doesn't have to tell you to fuck off or call you names for it to be wrong. Please don't put up with it, and don't let him make you believe it's your fault or because of your depression.
It sounds as though he is doing these things in order to belittle you, and erode your belief in yourself, to make himself feel better.
He is certainly a bully, and is attempting to control you.
It must be so hard for you to live like that 
(On a practical note, if you have got any map reading to do in the near future, go to "Via Michelin" website and enter your starting point and destination. It prints out a list of detailed instructions that you just have to read out, then he is at fault if he cannot follow the instructions he won't like that.)
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