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Dating thread 58 everyone welcome

(1000 Posts)
Kirstywirsty Tue 02-Jul-13 07:46:40

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. loo update is mandatory

Flipper924 Tue 02-Jul-13 07:48:40

<splutters cereal at squirrel>

Wine, enjoy the copper.

Title grin vicariously for you.

All is well.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Tue 02-Jul-13 07:49:25

Marking place...

Kirstywirsty Tue 02-Jul-13 07:49:53

Well I am still waiting not very patiently for FriendofFriend to come back from his holidays for our 2nd date .. He only went on Friday so it's a bit of a wait .. Had a wee nosey on POF but no one is tempting me out of hiding

Newstart13 Tue 02-Jul-13 08:03:31

Hey new thread :-)

Yay to rafaella and title and oww again and anyone I've missed sorry

Hope 55 ok?

Thanks for asking kin, not really, but have now deleted the ex on fb that was causing me pain. Liked a post of his in weakness last night, can't stand seeing him rebuild his social life - although am happy for him.. Need to move on. Right, right?

Chin up ... Sorry to cast woe on happy thread

KinNora Tue 02-Jul-13 08:12:51

New completely understand, I speak as a woman who saw my ex's new work photo online and went into meltdown because he looked happy. Moving on is hard but ultimately will make you feel better, it just takes time, I'm still working on it 12 months later.

brokenhearted55 Tue 02-Jul-13 08:22:00

Nothing from him yet.

Feel quite sad actually. He was lovely to me and I don't get it.

Might send him a text at the end of the week saying ok fine you don't want a repeat.

Flipper924 Tue 02-Jul-13 08:29:19

55, I'm really sorry he hasn't come through for you yet. I know the perceived wisdom is not to text, because you risk feeling crap if you do, but I think there is also something to be said for doing what you feel you have to. Just think about the possible outcomes either way.

48howdidthathappen Tue 02-Jul-13 08:32:38

I am sorry 55 Its ok to feel a bit sad. Its tough.

Try to put it behind you. He is not worth the headspace.

brokenhearted55 Tue 02-Jul-13 08:48:19

I already texted him yesterday nicely. Oh well.

The problem is we've both just been dumped. Him most recently. He hates being single and hasn't been single since his early 20's. I thought that meant he would want to see me again.

The hell of it is just as I start to like him he does a vanishing act.

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Jul-13 08:50:34

grin grin grin and more grin This is so silly but lovely. Really enjoying it - it feels like proper going out with someone rather than OD and it's great. Nothing arranged to see each other again but I know we will.

Sorry New, it's really tough. Deleting him is an excellent idea.

Sorry 55 as well. No point texting later in the week, really, just move on with your head held high. It would probably make you feel worse if you texted and he still didn't reply.

Nora resisting making nut jokes but blimey that is not an alluring image. Maybe he's turning over a new leaf though in anticipation of your visit?

Kirstywirsty Tue 02-Jul-13 08:57:46

55 hopefully he will at least reply ( unless you just stated it as a fact that it wasn't going to happen)

Newstart13 Tue 02-Jul-13 08:58:13

Thanks for the support.

Not worth the headspace is so right but so hard.

I know it isn't right, we tried, but love and connection is a damn thing and isn't always enough.

Anyway...

55 that's rotten. I hate silence, so impolite. But... Think of it maybe as a lucky escape? If he is not nice enough t reply to you - or to be I touch and be straigh up in the first place, do you really want that in your life? Always wondering, never knowing, anxiety building and building. No. No one deserves that. Big unmumsnetty hug.

roundwindow Tue 02-Jul-13 09:02:44

Hey lovelies. Just wanted to let you know that I'm off to meet the Mayor of Red Flagsville (christened thus with Bant's help grin) today. A snatched couple of hours squeezed into a midweek day when the DC are at school. Not my usual style AT ALL (previous dates have involved darkness, alcohol, lack of curfew, etc.) but this is what we came up with. Eeeeeeek.

I will be back later to update you on the juxtaposition between a random rainy reality-ridden Tuesday and the utter heady madness of our build-up.

Again, eeeeeeek.....

48howdidthathappen Tue 02-Jul-13 09:04:07

55 Its hard but he just wasn't up to your standards.

48howdidthathappen Tue 02-Jul-13 09:07:15

Oh Round Exciting or wet blanket grin

Look forward to update.

brokenhearted55 Tue 02-Jul-13 09:19:29

It's bringing my misery back over my ex.

Not once have I ever in my life had a guy I can count on to be decent and make me a priority.

I keep picking the same guys. This one didn't really try to impress me at all.

ALittleStranger Tue 02-Jul-13 09:33:36

Broken you didn't "pick" him, you've been on two dates with the guy, you have not invested sufficient time and energy in him to feel that this is a judgement on yourself. It's fine to feel a bit sad and bit pissed off, but I second the advice to move on with your head up.

He's possibly in a bad place, or he's just a tosser, or he just took a different interpretation of the night than you. You don't want to be with someone just because they hate being single. To be honest, for me it was a bit of a red flag when you said he kept talking about being "old fashioned" - men like that can get very judgey when someone doesn't take their dating mores straight from Jane Austen even if they benefit from it.

brokenhearted55 Tue 02-Jul-13 09:55:47

Did I say he was old fashioned? That might have been my ex I meant. I don't remember this one saying that.

scrazy Tue 02-Jul-13 10:04:26

55, sorry you sound so down about this guy, but you didn't really know him well. The way to avoid this is, unfortunately, to not sleep with someone, until you get to know them. Boring, I know but better to protect yourself if it's going to get you down.

OWW and all you other loved up people. It truly gladdens my heart to read such stuff. Maybe, just maybe there is hope for me grin.

brokenhearted55 Tue 02-Jul-13 11:00:11

I'm just annoyed at myself really. I knew I shouldnt be sleeping with someone so quickly. Especially as he was growing on me.

OhWesternWind Tue 02-Jul-13 11:51:34

Broken, really, don't worry about it or get annoyed with yourself. There are plenty of other men out there who honestly will be pleased to treat you properly and with respect and affection. This guy just wasn't the one for you. It's nothing at all to do with you, and everything to do with him. I know that can be a bit hard to believe, but it's the truth. If he doesn't get in contact, it's not because of something you did/didn't do or say, it's because of his own particular issues and state of mind.

I decided that I personally wasn't comfortable with sleeping with people early on before I felt a proper emotional connection (after I had done precisely that and ended up not feeling too great about it. It didn't kybosh things with the man but I just didn't feel like it was the right thing for me to do as although physically it was fantastic, emotionally I felt a bit blah and empty about it all). That's something to learn about yourself, and again nothing to be annoyed with yourself about.

Don't let this put you off - learn what there is to be learned from it and move lightly on.

KinNora Tue 02-Jul-13 11:58:57

More breaking news, just had a text from Talent Show, he's been signed off sick this morning so this weekend's off.

I can't be doing with another unreliable man.

Told you, no bull - squirrel.

Bant Tue 02-Jul-13 12:02:37

broken - I think the problem is you may have come across as vulnerable and shy on the dates, and some men may take advantage of that.

There will be blokes out there who just want to have their own fun, and they can be charming and sensitive up to the point where they don't respond to your texts.

Not all of us are like that of course, and there aren't many red flags for that kind of behaviour - they just.. vanish.. It's happened to a lot of people, you shouldn't feel bad for being optimistic about someone. He's the fool, not you.

Winefiend Tue 02-Jul-13 12:15:40

Copper is not a Copper but a PCSO. Verrrrry nice though. No weddding ring. Irritatingly they've changed the order so I can't gaze at him from the gallery as I need to be with my client. Baws.

Though his name will probs be in press so there is the potential for seeking out if one wishes grin

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