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A Poll.... about sex and female orgasms

(134 Posts)
chocolatepuff Sun 03-Mar-13 12:39:25

hi there

after a discussion with dp last night it transpires that approx 80% of his past lovers could orgasm during sex.

i immediately felt this was rubbish and that the majority must've been faking it.

nonetheless its left me feeling inadequate and a freak, and like im not doing something right... can you share your thoughts/experiences please?

disclaimer: i do orgasm, the conditions have to be just so. and dp has not put any pressure on me about this. i brought it up with him, he doesnt see it as an issue or think there is something wrong with me. thats just my thinking.

fluffyraggies Sun 03-Mar-13 17:32:10

I'm reading this think yes, and no along with posters ... but having read best's post i'm thinking now - what are we classing as an orgasm?

I was going to say i don't often orgasm with PIV sex alone, but do occasionally.

Now i'm thinking maybe i actually do with PIV.

With simple PIV i do indeed get the "bit where it suddenly feels different and in a pelvic, vaginal swelling, muscular way" that best is describing ... every time. A deep sort of thrill in an 'oh my god do it to me' sort of way. So is that an orgasm?

A clitoral orgasm for me is much more or a sort of 'all encompassing, going rigid, holding your breath, mind blowing throbbing hard slowly fading sort of affair. After which i cant bare my clitoris to be touched because of over stimulation.

Blimey it's hard trying to describe an orgasm! Perhaps we need to agree about what an orgasm is (more or less) before we ask when we have them??

PretzelTime Sun 03-Mar-13 17:41:06

Luckily DH is amazing and always gives me "my" time before we move on to sex.
phoenixrose314 -is "your time" (I assume orgasm) not part of the sex then...? Is only his orgasm sex? confused

A deep sort of thrill in an 'oh my god do it to me' sort of way. So is that an orgasm?
Fluffy - No that just sounds like arousal. I thought an orgasm always included vaginal contractions and what you describe.

Yes, that sounds similar to what I experience, fluffy but I've never thought of it as an orgasm because it doesn't really reach a 'climax' IYSWIM - I could happily carry on that bit for quite a long time.

fluffyraggies Sun 03-Mar-13 17:48:42

Well if that is the case pretzel then i go back to what i was going to say originally - yes, but only occasionally with simple PIV.

I have to say i cannot imagine having an orgasm like that over and over though. They're too 'huge'. After one of those i really have to collapse and smile like the Cheshire cat chill!

fluffyraggies Sun 03-Mar-13 17:49:45

xpost plenty - yes, i agree.

PretzelTime Sun 03-Mar-13 17:51:53

Sometimes I get boring and unsatisfying minor orgasms that doesn't really feel a lot (from both kinds of stimulations) but they still involve contractions.

Yes. I masturbated for years before having sex so I knew what was needed to make me, erm, happy. My DH is very considerate and wants me to orgasm for me when we have sex, so he is happy for me to go on top (always works as I'm in control), to go at my speed when he's on top or if we're in a position where I'm not getting the right stimulation in the right place either he or I use our hands. The key, in my opinion, is a supportive partner. DH wants me to have a good time, it's not about him feeling so clever at making me orgasm, so I have no pressure or urge to fake it.

MajesticWhine Sun 03-Mar-13 17:55:32

I don't orgasm through PIV sex, unless we're using a vibrating cock ring, in which case its a dead cert. Tmi?

leadinglady Sun 03-Mar-13 18:09:52

how do you now you've had a g spot orgasm? I've been reading the thread with envy. Its been so long that if a man I vaguely fancied even looked at me I'd orgasm. :0)

I don't always orgasm through PIV, but when I do it's very intense. DH is the only person I've had sex with, so we learned together about the things I like.

The cat position gives me the strongest orgasms, but I can only orgasm through PIV if I've already had a clitoral orgasm. I have no idea why, I suspect it's because I'm very wet, and relaxed (sorry if TMI). I feel very lucky because DH has always been a caring and considerate lover, and we've been very open with each other about what we like and dislike, so it's easy to tell him what I like.

ObscuredByClouds Sun 03-Mar-13 18:49:44

Always orgasm through PIV, multiple times. Can also ejaculate from time to time depending on position. Have only orgasmed through PIV since being with husband though; before him I could only orgasm through flit oral stimulation.

How old are you OP? Sometimes this makes a difference. I think I've become more orgasmic since my mid-30s.

ObscuredByClouds Sun 03-Mar-13 18:50:10

Clitoral, not flit oral!!

Twattergy Sun 03-Mar-13 19:11:17

Piv alone has only made me come once, just after I'd had a coil fitted...weird! OP I know what you mean about feeling we are in the minority but I don't think we are. I think that those orgasm from Piv alone are happy to share in response to your question but those who don't perhaps keep quiet so you might get an unrepresentative response here.

PretzelTime Sun 03-Mar-13 19:15:54

OP I hope you read Branleuse and other's posts and know that you aren't weird if it turns out that you can't orgasm from all types of sex. It's great that you can experience it at all, isn't it!

Daisypops Sun 03-Mar-13 19:29:53

I can gather what piv is, but what does it stand for?

Teeb Sun 03-Mar-13 19:44:49

penis in vagina

moonfacebaby Sun 03-Mar-13 20:11:08

I spent years thinking I could only orgasm though clitoral stimulation.

Now I am with my new DP, I am discovering all sorts! I can orgasm through PIV & I have even experienced multiple orgasms.

Clitoral orgasms tend to be stronger & I am finding that I can have several orgasms in a session. I'm also 41, so maybe it's a combination of excellent sexual chemistry & me being at my sexual peak?

All of this has been a bit of an epiphany for me - my exH wasn't a great lover - he was ok. My DP is a fantastic lover - the kind of man who gets very turned on by pleasuring me, with no pressure. We are still very much in the honeymoon phase & fancy the pants of each other.

We tend to go for it quite vigorously at times & this seems to do the trick with me - it builds up to this.

But, before meeting him, I always thought orgasms through PIV were rare amongst most women, me included.

choccyp1g Sun 03-Mar-13 20:18:44

Never through PIV alone, despite trying with lots of men.

MooMooSkit Sun 03-Mar-13 20:25:17

See I'm the opposite to you ladies. A lot of my friends said they could orgasm easily through oral sex but I think I've only had an orgasm through oral sex once or twice in the whole time I've been sexually active and thats over 11 years now.

I can't orgasm through all positions though, I find I come easily being on top and sort of "grinding" myself down or if he is on top I have to push my hips up into him as well. I've never come from any other position unless I'm using my hand on myself as well. I think I need a lot of "pressure" down there but I always do.

I find it interesting how your partner says 80% of his partners did. My oh says he "thinks he did" with exes but when I first met him he was pretty useless and I did have to put across what i needed to finish so i'm not so sure. Think guys tend to lie about stuff like that sometimes.

Shybairns Sun 03-Mar-13 20:30:57

I can't feel very much at all when have penis inside me. blush Must have terrible bucket fanny.

And I can't stimulate my clitoris when he's inside me either.

And I've never successfully masterbated with my hands/his hands or his toungue.

I only come on my own with a vibrator.

Not satisfied.

I do, every time, sometimes multiple. Only in positions where I'm rubbing against him though. I do appreciate my luck! grin

Amomentsgrace Sun 03-Mar-13 21:19:48

I never orgasmed with my first couple of lovers and I was with one for ten years. I could through masturbation.

Next lover very often, DH almost every time, very rare not to and often multiple orgasms. I have thought I am going to faint a couple of times. I also have the female ejaculation thing. I can honestly say I was not sexually awakened till I was almost 30.

We don't have loads of foreplay but he always starts quite gently. I feel really pleased as I endured years of non satisfying sex.

chocolatepuff Sun 03-Mar-13 21:39:10

oh i have hope guys, thank you!

i feel under no pressure from dp. i asked him directly 'how many of your past lovers could orgasm during sex?' and when i said i felt inadequate he reassured me that i was normal and that it was great with me. he said he didnt think i 'should' be orgasming as everyone is different. i know he gets off on me being pleasured so its not about his ego, he's genuinely loving and caring. like i said earlier he is the only bf ive had that sex has felt equal with. All past lovers have gotten bored with wanting to pleasure me and have been fairly selfish.

i am almost 30 so am quite excited about the prospect of sex getting better and better!

i am also intrigued with female ejaculation, those that do - does it happen only with the most intense orgasms? or is it more about hitting a certain spot?

fluffyraggies Sun 03-Mar-13 21:52:18

Female ejaculation - i thought this was a myth until i experienced it myself. It only happens occasionally. Always startles me a bit when it does. For a split second i worry i've wet myself blush but i definately haven't! It's always been during one of these mini orgasms we were trying to describe earlier, as well strangely. Not during a stonking great one, as you might expect grin

Last time it happened i felt DH falter slightly in his rhythm when it happened, and i wondered if he'd felt it. Then later when we were laying together afterwards he said he'd wondered at the time if i might have started my period as he'd felt the gush. I hadn't - we were both pretty wet, and it wasn't blood or wee.

(The things i share on here)

I ejaculate but not from PIV, only from fingers. I rarely orgasm from PIV but can from bumsex.

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