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Welcome to The Dating Thread. Number 40.

(1000 Posts)

The next chapter...

Nomorepain Fri 08-Feb-13 21:22:53

Just checked and he is back on the site. Arghhhh what if he is a player. Just feel worn down with trying to understand what someone actually means when what they say and do are completely different things. I would just like to be able to trust someone and not be on my guard constantly!

God I am feeling sorry for myself!!

mercury7 Fri 08-Feb-13 21:25:32

same thing happens to me all the time..I think 'thats it! I've had enough! he's history!'
and then 'he' texts and I realise I've over reacted/got it all wrong/jumped to conclusions, yet againblush

I dont know what the solution is, except try not to take things personally

lulubellaboozle Fri 08-Feb-13 21:26:35

nomore <<lulu drags Juliettes wet fish out>>, he's not a player just because he is online, I think it's quite normal when you first start texting, chatting to someone to keep your options open and keep looking. We have all seen on here how people disappear or suddenly don't float your boat any more. After a couple of dates, or whatever feels right, then that is the time to try and work out if you want some exclusivity but not at this stage.

Text him, see what you think, take it from there ...... lots of hand holding on this thread smile

Nomorepain Fri 08-Feb-13 21:31:46

Think this comes on the back of 2 of my friends telling me that they have doubts about od and quizzing me as to why I am doing it. They noth said lovely things about me but then said they are worried about what i am doing it for. Then the jokers I have had contact with recently have proven their doubts. I have had vanishers or very little contact and I can't help but question what I have done. I know deep down I haven't done anything wrong. I have been cool, sassy and non demanding. I've been funny, not overly flirty or rude because this just isn't my style. Seems they just prefer other people. And that hurts. My husband preferred another woman to me and was prepared to give up our lovely life and plans for her. What chance have I got with some random of a bloody Internet site!!!!!!

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Nomore I am often on sites just browsing, I don't always reply to messages right away as I feel if they are worth replying to I would rather do it properly, if I was busy I wouldn't necessarily text. He has given you a reason, maybe being involved with hospital and his DC is viewed separately from OD. Or maybe he is a player. Only one way to find out...

I think I might have posted randomly on the Internet some detail about not having Coffee for 4 months. My broadband has been off and I thought I was on this thread, hell only knows where it really is blush

lulubellaboozle Fri 08-Feb-13 21:36:55

nomore I think we have all had the vanishers and the keen and then not so keen, it isn't you, it's just OD dating and the kids in the sweetie shop. You do need a thick skin I think and even then, I think it gets to everyone at some point.

You sound like you been playing it exactly right, so please don't be hurt. My husband did exactly the same and it knocks your confidence and self esteem and it really hurts. You have as much chance as anyone of meeting someone online. But you need to decide if you are really up for it at the moment?

Nomorepain Fri 08-Feb-13 21:40:52

God. I need to chill. I text him something very short and he has text me straight back asking me nice questions and remembered something I am doing tomorrow. I need to give him the benefit if the doubt don't I.

He is majorly good looking, he has a good job, he seems mentally stable - why on earth would e be interested in me. I still think of myself as a fat, boring housewife whose husband left her. Can't think why anyone would want me. Been trying to fake it till I make it but I am having a weak moment tonight!

lulubellaboozle Fri 08-Feb-13 21:44:54

nomore yay! nice man, good looking texting you, asking nice questions .... maybe he's interested because he likes what he sees and hears?!? there's a thing, eh? enjoy it ...... as my RL friend always says remember - YOU, are the prize!

48howdidthathappen Fri 08-Feb-13 21:47:18

nomore Do you need the wet fish? He is bloody busy tonight, but could squeeze you in grin

Nomorepain Fri 08-Feb-13 21:53:16

Yes I need the fish. In fact I probably need a whole aquarium!

Just. Need. To. Get. A. Grip!!!!!!

Nomore to put it in context,Lubey found me about the only man I've ever found attractive on POF. We've been chatting a lot, he is lovely but I hadn't heard from him this week. Just seen he sent a message a few days ago saying he's met someone he's very fond of. It is nothing to do with me.

Likewise, I have no idea if Morning Knobber was putting me in the lead with his sweet trolley top 10 favourites or not during his grilling date this week. The very last thing he said to me as I got in the taxi was 'see you.. oh, er we didn't actually establish where this is going, did we'. My response was 'early days, bye'. I don't expect to hear from him and don't think he deserves to be told I'm not interested and would't have touched his with the barman's. I know he was punching above his weight, I know that if he chose to 'reject' me he would probably be right as he is not good enough for me.

Nomorepain Fri 08-Feb-13 22:17:56

Juliette I live your strength. After weeks of feeling strong I am feeling weak tonight. Week and needy! Not a great combo.

That is so shit about Lubey's find. Rubbish. Morning on inner sounds like a jobber but at least you had the measure of him.,

I wish I was as strong as you powerful women on here. You are ace!

Nomorepain Fri 08-Feb-13 22:21:07

Love not live!!

Nomore it's all swings and roundabouts. I was crying upstairs earlier because I had take things out on my DS when he really didn't deserve it. Twice today, the second time I said stuff I shouldn't have and sometimes saying sorry isn't enough and I could see that by his face sad.

It's also have my man wobbles, I have done the most ridiculous things in relationships. I'm lucky enough that no one has ever been unfaithful (that I know of) but for years I wondered why no one appeared to want me. Sat in this room wailing just that on more than one occasion. No one is immune from self doubt at some time.

worley Fri 08-Feb-13 23:12:22

hi. can I ask a quick question..
so, I joined match via iPhone app and have been having a conversation for a few days with a guy.. but now I've sent an email and it doesn't show up that I've sent it.. so I thought maybe I'd not sent it, so sent another little one.. that again isn't showing up as sent.. I've winked by accident !! trying to find my way around the site/app.. will it not show up as match have lost the message? or has he blocked me? he has looked at my profile this evening and is currently online.. so where are my messages I sent him. I'm so used to POF.. not sure I'm getting on with match..

lubeybooby Fri 08-Feb-13 23:14:50

Worly sorry no idea as I've never used match... maybe just a glitch?

KirstyWirsty Sat 09-Feb-13 00:56:47

I had a lovely night with mr cheeky and his best pal .. Drinks .. Bit of karaoke .. Train home .. All really nice .. He was ok when I went up to dance with pal .. We are going to stay in a lovely hotel that he booked tomorrow night grin

KirstyWirsty Sat 09-Feb-13 01:03:00

Is it really such a major problem that he is in love with me and I don't feel the same? He is great company .. Smart .. Really sexy ..Witty .. Great in bed .. I don't know if I am just protecting myself too much by not falling for him

mercury7 Sat 09-Feb-13 01:14:41

I had a lovely night with mr cheeky and his best pal

are we talking MMF 3some here? blush

KirstyWirsty Sat 09-Feb-13 06:49:54

mercury No!!! Just drinks .. Threesomes aren't all they are cracked up to be wink

Nomorepain Sat 09-Feb-13 08:00:53

Woke up today feeling better. Think I was just tired and whiney so huge apologies. Handover day with my kids always gets me bit down. Sounds silly but I can't wait till I have a man I can meet up with when me kids are with their dad. Would kind of soften the blow. Makes me sound pathetic but that's just how I feel.

I do wonder why od is so tricky. I'm not some kind of ogre. I am friendly and not psycho. I've got good job, lovely house etc. i pit effort into ny image, wear nice clothes, ways look presentable. The men that contact me are generally eyesores, or the "hi babez" variety.

Swapped few texts with new man last night - might call him Mr Irish. He seems nice. Time will tell!!!

hoplittlebunnyhophophop Sat 09-Feb-13 08:46:14

Tried to do a toilet update last night but I'm too slow on my phone. Second date with Mr Pheasant was ok. I find the simplicity of his mind and life quite refreshing, and I am quite entertained by his 'says what he is thinking' talk though much of what he says is completely inappropriate, especially for a date (not rude or offensive, just stuff that you would not say on a date, it made me laugh). So a few beers at his local, then watched telly and had a cup of tea at his. It sounds crap but it was nice, and no pressure. He did offer to make me a sandwich, I said no, then wanted some of his when he'd made it because it looked quite nice, cue him huffing and puffing 'aah I knew you'd want some of mine, I was going to make you one'. It all sounds a bit like there was a lack of effort but he definitely isn't the restaurant and wine type and a few beers and a butty is much more me than wining and dining.

48howdidthathappen Sat 09-Feb-13 08:48:08

Nomore We all have our shit times and it is ok to be woe is me. Impossible to plaster a smile on every day.

Kirsty I am terrified of falling for Mr R&R. Its why my guard is teflon coated.
I really couldn't deal with anymore shit right now.

48howdidthathappen Sat 09-Feb-13 08:58:29

Bunny Sounds like you were both relaxed in each others company smile

Few beers and a butty much more my thing too!

Nomorepain Sat 09-Feb-13 09:30:03

worley I had that on the match app. You can log
Into main site to see if it has sent. I found out that loads of mine hasn't gone!! Bit rubbish for an od site when every message counts!!!

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