My completely unheeded red flags from my current, effectively defunct, marriage... in fact some were such blatant 'get out now' signals I don't know why it's taken me this long to do anything about it:
Criticism of how I acted when out with him and his friends - attempts to make me behave differently from how I am - comments like 'I wish you wouldn't act like that when we're out. They won't like you'.
Huge anger issues - possessions destroyed, holes punched in doors and walls, physical violence towards me, quite often screaming at me to the point where I was a collapsed sobbing heap on the floor, then screaming at me some more. And it was always my fault for making him angry. 'I don't get angry like this with other people, so it must be you'...
Massive overreaction at perceived slights, and constant twisting of what I've said to make it sound as though I'm being critical or nasty when I'm not.
Gaslighting.
Threatening suicide.
Control issues - I was, until I finally put my foot down after nearly 10 years, expected to go to bed at the same time as him, expected only to watch on TV things that interested him. Even if he was doing something else.
Constant putdowns, telling me I'm being selfish for attempting to pursue the career I trained for.
Would do 'favours' for me (just normal household stuff, like the dishes), then hit the roof if I didn't appear sufficiently grateful.
Constant changing of the rules, to set me up for another session of being screamed at, but it's ok, it was my fault because I didn't do things the way he wanted me to. Which was a way I was unaware of, because he'd only just made it up.
And... his mother has treated me appallingly throughout the whole of our relationship... that has always been 'my fault'.
Oh, yeah, and he said he loved me within days of the relationship starting. I should have run then.
God... what have I been doing...