Mumsnet Talk

I just want to know if I'm being a bit over cautious. I haven't been in a relationship for many years, and I met this guy around 3 months ago.

He told me he loved me after a month, which I didn't respond to, it takes me ages to love anybody. He wanted to make plans for holidays much later in the year, I wasn't so keen as still early days and I can not afford to lose time off/money if things went awry. He makes dinner for me once a week, which at first I found refreshing and kind. Now there are lots of comments about how well he treats me, how he enjoys looking after me and how no one will take such good care of me as he will.

The last time I spent the night, I questioned something he said, not an argument, but a difference of opinion. He can speak very crudely - he admittedly watches a lot of porn - and threw a few choice phrases about sex, the sex with exes in my direction while we were in the car. I said I wasn't comfortable with him speaking to me in that way and that I'd rather not hear about them. That night in bed he wouldn't kiss me goodnight or respond to any touch.

Today there was a moment or two where I saw a flash of temper. His water was switched off, so he filled a watering can with water so he could flush the loo. He came right up to my face and in a sarcastic tone, mocking me, said, "oooh, thanks very much, I can't believe how thoughtful you are (his name) I can't believe how lucky I am etc etc". My face must have been as he said "what's that face for?"

Everything became fine again, then he was making a sandwich and lost his temper because his sandwich didn't look right. Not just a generalised grump, a proper rage. I finished making it when he stormed off to calm down, when he came back he said there was something really good on the radio. He switched it on and I found myself listening to a woman who had been stalked. He knew I had been through similar, I could feel him watching me throughout the broadcast. I felt almost like he was putting me in my place.

There is a little alarm going off, but I don't know if I'm being a bit over-sensitive or not. On the way back to mine it was like nothing had happened, he was cheery and upbeat, a total contrast to me. I felt like shrinking away inside myself. My gut is saying there is something a bit wrong here. I would be grateful for any advice, TIA.

I don't think it matters if it's technically controlling or not. He sounds like a PITA, and unless he has the biggest knob to ever grace the face of the Earth then do yourself a favour and get rid.

I think you know what to do. This sounds just like my friend's ex and that didn't end well. Mental and emotional abuse turned into physical over the 4 years they were together, but he still somehow convinced her to marry him and have his child. Get out while you can

At best he sounds like a teat, at worst red flags going off all over the place. Either way get rid. If you're questioning it this early one somethings not right!

Like a teat? Bloody iPod! I typed twat!

even if he does the have the biggest cock to ever grace the earth, I reckon you should suggest he sticks it up his own nostril and pisses

I'm sorry he seems like a horrid person

Erm. He sounds...like a nutter. Really.

Ugh he sounds awful. He IS awful. Get away.

even if he does the have the biggest cock to ever grace the earth, I reckon you should suggest he sticks it up his own nostril and pisses

OMG trin you have made my day with that phrase!

I meant to post this in relationships but lost my connection halfway through writing it and it ended up in AIBU.

So, I am unreasonable for that! I know you're right, he needs to be dumped and sharpish. I stupidly gave him another chance at the beginning of the relationship, I should have trusted my gut then. But hey, I knew better, and look where that got me.

Feel free to say "told you so" or summat.

Listen to your gut.

This is not 'normal' behaviour. You need to get out now.

Leave. And don't look back. He's a bad 'un.

No he's more than a twat - his behaviour is deeply alarming.

Please end it now and well done for listening to your instinct and sharing this.

x

I have been with my DH for 11 years and he has NEVER been like this with me. He is controlling and a nob head.

Run for the hills. You don't need anyone's permission to dump this bloke. Hell, he could be Mr Perfect, but if you wanted to dump him and save yourself for Brad Pitt, it's a free country.

OP, listen to your gut. Get out now whilst it's still early days and before he's had chance to get under your skin any more than he already has done.

i would end it he sounds a bit scary! the sooner you end it the better i think, as he may make it harder for you the longer it drags on

Always trust you instincts, Life is far to short to take chances like this.

not sure about controlling, but he doesn't sound like a very nice person to be around. Its also the way you're presenting it - sounds like you are already repelled, so just act on that feeling and leave

I agree with other posters, heed your instincts. It can only get worse.

Another one adding to the chorus. Get out now!

glad to be of service fuzzpigwick

The telling you he loves you early on thing is, in itself, not always indicative of a controlling person. Sometimes it is indicative of somebody who is misguidedly romantic. But, yes, this when grouped with all the other things he does indicates a controlling, abusive man.

There's a lot wrong. Get out now