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DP wants to buy food seperately

(539 Posts)
NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain Mon 30-Jan-12 20:37:52

Me and DP have lived together for 2 years but for the first year and a half we lived in a commune with 30 other people with a cooking rota.
Now we live in a cottage together (since last September) he is really annoying me, he wants us to buy our own food and do our own shopping.
But when I come home from work I find that he has been eating my food so I go to get breakfast and its gone.
It really pisses me off that he refuses to shop with me but when I'm out, he eats all my (good quality) food.
What can I do?
Tonight we got into a silly argument, I said look I want to start shopping together for food and he got angry saying you eat my pea nut butter and my bread, so petty ad juvenile. But I'm starting to resent him eating my food whilst refusing to pay for any of it AHHH help!

HotDAMNlifeisgood Mon 30-Jan-12 20:41:25

This is the kind of thing that is par for the course when you are 19 and in a student flat-share. But not so with a mature adult that you are in an adult relationship with.

Is he, in fact, a mature adult that you want to be in an adult relationship with?

ThePathanKhansWitch Mon 30-Jan-12 20:41:40

Doesn't sound like much of a relationship to me tbh. What will you do if you ever have a child?hmm. Send it off to Tesco with a list and it's Child Benefit?

lisaro Mon 30-Jan-12 20:42:41

this isn't a relationship.

NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain Mon 30-Jan-12 20:42:50

He is a bit bare minimum when it comes to paying bills, getting stuff done (he is 45 I am 27)
He is so stubborn about this issue its really frustrating.

CatIsSleepy Mon 30-Jan-12 20:43:11

sounds pretty daft

do you not eat together?

pictish Mon 30-Jan-12 20:44:12

How silly.

What's his reasoning for such silliness?

ThePinkPussycat Mon 30-Jan-12 20:44:30

What are his reasons for proposing this? Do you share meals? How do you run the finances?

I am proposing the same thing to stbx, when he is ex in 2 weeks, since he won't move out till the settlement. But that's totally different! (No, I'm not proposing it, I've told him that's how it will be)

mamalovesmojitos Mon 30-Jan-12 20:45:03

Sounds very immature yet he's a lot older than you! Are you happy in this relationship? Is this the only problem? If so just spell out to him that he is being inconsiderate.

SinicalSanta Mon 30-Jan-12 20:45:50

Gosh this is the first time I've heard of a couple having my food - your food arrangements.
Most people pool money to buy a family shop and eat what they want from that. Why do you not? is it just habit from the commune days?

Methe Mon 30-Jan-12 20:47:37

Why do you eat for meals?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 30-Jan-12 20:48:06

How bizarre. When you say he is 'bare minimum' with the bills, what do you mean?

Is he a tightarse?

If so, then he knows he's on to a good thing.

MrsMcEnroe Mon 30-Jan-12 20:49:11

A 47-year-old man who can't even make a commitment to do a shared food shop with his partner is not the kind of man I'd be happy to live with!

Sorry OP but I'd get rid - this sounds incredibly selfish and petty.

ImperialBlether Mon 30-Jan-12 20:49:26

Oh god, OP, run away as fast as you can!

He's 45 and just moved out of a commune, doesn't pay towards the food but wants to eat it and you are 27 and should be having the time of your life!

Pack your bag, stick his peanut butter up his bum and leave.

Bestb411pm Mon 30-Jan-12 20:50:25

Sounds very odd [hmmm] Do you never eat together? How would a shared meal work, would you give the other a fiver towards it?

( grin snort @ ThePanthansKhanWitch)

NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain Mon 30-Jan-12 20:50:40

I work during the day and he works at night so it is rare that we will be eating a meal together
he also thinks I buy things that he doesn't want to eat such as cheddar cheese (he's an aspiring health freak)
He eats A LOT of eggs and meat because he's a gym head (I meant 40 eggs a week and beef steak for breakfast)
But I buy milk, jam marmalade, Tuna, Crumpets, Strawberries anyway I wont bore you with what I buy but the point is, that he uses these things when Im out.
I enjoy food, I buy organic, fresh, Taste the difference, he likes Economy bulk buying which I just see the pleasure in.
I'm happy to do separate food if that's what he wants but not if he's saving money at my expense. angry

HotDAMNlifeisgood Mon 30-Jan-12 20:50:45

Release him into the wild, OP. You have your youth and a shining future ahead of you. You don't need to be dragged down by a middle-aged man who can't be bothered to pay the bills and is all "mine" and "yours" about jars of peanut butter.

kumquatsarethelonelyfruit Mon 30-Jan-12 20:54:40

Jesus, he reminds me ofmy ex. Get rid of him! There are lovely men out there! He is a dickhead!

NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain Mon 30-Jan-12 20:56:48

I'm glad to hear it's unusual thanks.
Once when we were in Morrisons, I picked up some vine tomatoes and when we got home they weren't there, I said, 'where are they?' And he said "I'm not paying £1.85 for a packet of Tomatoes" (he was supposed to be buying our dinner that night)
To be honest we don't really see much of each other with our crazy work schedules we do get on well but maybe there is more to it than just the food thing sad

I read your OP to DH for his male perspective

He said "Get Out"

and

"Does he think he's still a student?"

<wonders whether he belongs on MN>

Bestb411pm Mon 30-Jan-12 20:57:22

So there are things you both enjoy? Can you not sit down together and work out a list of staples that you will buy together as a house shop and then the extras come out of your own pockets and is not touched on pain of death or at least replacement within 24 hours.

I have to say I wouldn't even be really happy about that, but different strokes and all that.....

If he really can't have a sensible conversation about it and come to some sort of compromise you can both live I think your choices might be limited to hooking up a fridge-freezer in the shed, putting a sturdy lock on it and using that as your pantry or ending it.

bigbuttons Mon 30-Jan-12 20:59:03

ROFL @ aspiring health freak who bulk buys value foodgrin
Op, run and run fast.

nocake Mon 30-Jan-12 21:01:03

I'm struggling to know where to start with the things that are wrong with your relationship. It isn't supposed to be like that. Please leave and find someone you enjoy being with... or live on your own.

ImperialBlether Mon 30-Jan-12 21:01:55

Umm a health freak wouldn't eat 40 eggs a week!

Tell me, OP, does he have a job?

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