Parents Evening Grief

(178 Posts)
NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow Thu 10-Oct-13 18:27:13

Why are school giving me and my DS such a guilt trip because I refuse to go to parents eve?

They haven't even asked me why I won't go.

I'm in the playground twice a day. If there was a problem they could approach me then.

I know, more or less, his levels.

But all this talking doesn't help me or DS.

Why do they want me to go to this meeting?

And why are they guilt tripping my DS?

There are lots of reasons why I won't go. All of them to do with me being very unhappy with the school.

The HT has offered me a meeting but I don't want that either.

They shouldn't be putting pressure on your DS to make you go, or your DH.

They should be communicating with you more clearly, either face to face or by letter, and giving you the chance to discuss IEP etc at length.

If it were me I would be asking for that, not just ignoring Parents' Evening.

NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow Thu 10-Oct-13 19:02:43

Id rather they found ways to teach him rather than all this talk about how wonderful everything is.

Ok, if you want to talk about his IEP and they are generally discussed at PEs, then say you have a prior engagement that evening but would be happy to go in and discuss it with them at a mutually agreed time.

clam Thu 10-Oct-13 19:04:58

You do realise that the only person who's going to suffer from your refusal to meet with the school is your son, don't you?

nkf Thu 10-Oct-13 19:05:21

What is it you want? Maybe you should just change schools? It sounds as if you are being offered opportunities to meet with relevant people, but you don't want to. If you have no faith in the school, then wouldn't it be better to look at alternatives?

LIZS Thu 10-Oct-13 19:05:25

So you go and say it isn't appropriate to discuss the iep now can we rearrange and change subject . If school is so bad why have you kept him there?

applebread Thu 10-Oct-13 19:06:17

They will use your non-attendance as a weapon against you. If you ever need to get more support from the scho or lea, if you want to challenge the iep, if they have any reason to complain about you to social services they will say "mother refused to engage with school". "Mother did not bother discussing child's issue at parents evening". "Despite our efforts, including personal involvement from headteacher, mother refused to attend parents evening".

You have less to lose by attending however galling it is.

RandomMess Thu 10-Oct-13 19:06:36

If you are not happy with the HT attitude towards discussions then put a complaint to governers!

nkf Thu 10-Oct-13 19:07:13

My main point of contention is that because DS is on SA+ I should have been offered a longer slot to start with.

If I have to ask for a longer slot, ie a proper IEP meeting, without them offering it makes me feel like they have no concerns about DS.

If they have no concerns I have nothing polite to say to them.

They never ever offer me an IEP meeting without me begging for one. I find this unacceptable.

This sounds a bit tantrummy to me.

Not if she has proof she tried to make alternative arrangements, applebread.

BoundandRebound Thu 10-Oct-13 19:09:37

Wow

Just wow

You can't disassociate yourself from school like that and expect your DS to feel supported by you.

Why don't you just put your issues in a letter copying in the chair of governors and then go and meet them using the letter as a reason.

There are two types of meetings to be held in school with and without the child

BoundandRebound Thu 10-Oct-13 19:09:57

*letter as an agenda

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 10-Oct-13 19:10:05

Go and meet the HT, tell her what you've told us. Tell her you are approaching the governors.

You are being obstructive and childish, and the only loser here is your son. Go and sort it out like a grown up and a parent and stop stamping your feet because they won't follow your orders.

nkf Thu 10-Oct-13 19:11:17

Honestly, forget about bad words and all that. Go in with a spirit of I want to help you make this work. Whatever this is. Maybe there is a lot more you could write and no doubt you will, but so far, you sound very stroppy to me and that won't help your son.

missinglalaland Thu 10-Oct-13 19:11:45

I don't know what IEP means...
So, I might be misreading this, but I can certainly understand why you aren't happy. If you have serious concerns and they only offer you 10 minutes in front of the child (using him for cover?) that isn't acceptable. It's even worse that they are manipulating him about it.
I'd be fuming, myself.

nkf Thu 10-Oct-13 19:13:15

"I ought"
"It makes me feel"
"I have ..."
"I find this.."

Look at the language you are using.
It's not about you. It's about securing the best possible outcome for yoru son.

StitchingMoss Thu 10-Oct-13 19:20:58

The school would have to document that you've refused to meet the HT in writing (i.e. an email) to back themselves up if you complain to the local authority.

I agree with what others have said that your stance is not helpful at all. I would go to the SENCo and if you're still not happy try and speak to the Governors.

Iheartkingthistle, I wouldn't assume the Head was awful based on this thread - there are always two sides to every story.

blueemerald Thu 10-Oct-13 19:21:17

What do you plan to do at secondary school? Parents' Evenings are incredibly crucial (well, I'm a secondary teacher so I may be biased), especially for any students with additional learning needs. They are also a lot longer than primary parents' evenings.

I would take up an appointment with the Head, leave DS at home and take an itemised list of your concerns. Follow the meeting up with an email which either lists what you discussed or lists what you tried to discuss, as well as any strategies or interventions that were agreed on or the fact that none were agreed on.

You know your son best and are, therefore, in the best place to support his teachers in coming up with strategies to help him fulfil his potential.

blueemerald Thu 10-Oct-13 19:22:12

(I do hate myself for using the phrase incredibly crucial..... D'oh)

NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow Thu 10-Oct-13 19:26:55

I just don't understand why we have to talk it all.

It never helps.

All it does is upset me.

They know how much talking with them upsets me.

I don't understand what the point of all this talking is.

This talking has been going on for years. And it's got us to where we are now.

But I have nothing left to say to them.

And don't want to listen to their euphemisms and half truths.

NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow Thu 10-Oct-13 19:29:01

The reason I don't want to talk to them is cause they're never honest.

Ie they'll tell me good news but won't mention bad news. Being deliberately misleading. For years and years.

They won't admit any problems etc.

So there is nothing left to say.

StitchingMoss Thu 10-Oct-13 19:29:08

Are you listening to any of the advice on her Nikita?

nkf Thu 10-Oct-13 19:29:43

There you go again. You, you, you. So, don't go. It's year 6, Next year, you will have miraculously found a solution. Is this his first and only school?

StitchingMoss Thu 10-Oct-13 19:29:51

Have you spoken to the SENCo, the Governors, the local authority, parent partnership?

NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow Thu 10-Oct-13 19:30:49

I've asked them to respond to my concerns in writing but they've refused and said they'll only discuss them face to face.

But thy won't discuss them face to face either. We'll only be allowed to discuss what they want (the positive stuff) not what I want (the negative stuff)

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