Sorry again - many typos in the first post. It should have read like this:
The main crux of the problem is his attachment to his family. Basically, we'd only been together for just under a year when I found out I was expecting. It's my first baby and given my age (40) it was quite a surprise. He seemed panicked but had always talked about us having children one day, even though I'd warned him it might not be possible due to my age. He is 35. Anyway, getting through the pregnancy hasn't been easy. I have been so exhausted and ill but adore my little one and feel lucky to have him. My other half moved in with me three months ago and things have gone from bad to worse. He was reluctant to move away from the area where his family is but you have to move on at some stage and make a life for yourself as a grown man surely? Anyway, most of the time we are really happy together. But the problem is his family. He literally spends virtually every day with them. I am not exaggerating. They live an hour away and while at first I thought it was wonderful that he was a devoted family man as it meant he would be a good dad, I have now realised it is much more than that. He literally drops everything to go and see them or be there for them over the slightest trivial thing (even though they all live near each other and could help one another out of need be). Since moving in with me he's made little effort to set up a new life and home with me and keeps darting back there at every given opportunity.
Lately I have been struggling at home with simple tasks yet he's always off back to Middlesex to play or watch football, or see his family. Was three or four times a week at first but now almost daily.
After falling down the stairs a few days ago I broke down and told him I needed more help at home, that I was tired of him going off to meet their needs all the time when his priority should be me and his baby. Also that I was fed up doing everything at home while he sat on his arse watching sport day and night. And being lonely.
I don't want to be one of those women who nag, but surely there has to be some compromise?
His job finished in July and instead of securing a new one for September (he's a teacher) or even temping to save some money through the summer, he has done nothing but have fun with his family or watch sport day and night since. I have struggled to carry on working and am paying most of the bills.
After agreeing to help out more, he then spent six out of seven days buggering off back to Middlesex to hang out with his family every day. At this point -after six days of being left on my own - I'd had enough. I got in a mood and shit myself away and he snapped at me. I told him I wasn't arguing - from now on he could come and go as he pleased and watch all the sport he wanted and that i would never ask for his help with anything again. He said, 'Finally you see my point of view and will stop interfering in my life!'
I told him that mentally I had just given up as I was tired if being hurt. He scoffed and told me I didn't know the meaning of hurt and that the last year had been the worst of his life, that I had 'broken' him with my 'psychological games' and ruined his life. I admit I have found pregnancy hard and I guess sometimes my hormones have played up and I have had down days.
But things started off badly when his mum told him at the beginning he had made a huge mistake having a baby with me and that there was always a 'way out'. Even though she barely knew me. I have never been able to forget that. She also 'warned' me in the beginning by text that he was very close to his family and that I would have to accept that. I guess I thought that meant he would be close to us too but clearly not.
I told him when he said he wanted to come and go as he pleased the other night that if that was the case, I would too. Not that I can go anywhere. I can't even tell you how lonely I have been during the last few stages of this pregnancy. I have no family of my own and no support. And most days I haven't the energy to go out and do things although I have tried. I went to the cinema on my own last night just to get a break from him yelling at me. When I came back he'd packed a bag and left. So now it's me and baby. And I am terrified about how I am going to provide for him with no support or help. Financial or otherwise. My OH said he loved me and wanted this baby so why is he always running off? Just doesn't seem to want to be here at all.