Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.

Found out it's twin girls and people's reactions are making me upset

(96 Posts)
Evie2014 Thu 06-Feb-14 08:57:14

We just found out that the 20-week babies I'm expecting are both girls. I've only told a few people so far but now I don't want to tell anyone else in case the reactions hurt me more. So far I've had two people say: "Oh, what a pity one of them isn't a boy." One person even said (in presumably what she thought was a comforting way), "Don't worry, they do make mistakes- maybe one of them will turn out to be a boy."

I have a feeling this is going to get worse the more people we tell. We are expats living in a country where boys are valued more than girls. I know people are stupid but I can't help being really upset and angry. I am beginning to dread people commenting on my bump now, in case they ask the gender and then I have to deal with the "commiserations".

I'm probably over reacting here. Any nice comforting words?

HumphreyCobbler Thu 06-Feb-14 09:00:59

when people ask just say "oh we are so pleased - two girls!!!" That leaves no space for annoying commiserations xx

congratulations flowers

Seff Thu 06-Feb-14 09:01:15

Come join us on the comments that annoy you thread, it seems no matter what sort of babies you are carrying people will come out with ridiculous comments.

I'd laugh at them and say something like "how ridiculous!" or maybe something along the lines of you didn't want a boy anyway. It's tricky being an expat though.

Ignore them, and congratulations on having two girls!

God people are horrible. And stupid.

I would just say it's two girls and we are thrilled and excited. If anyone says anymore I would say it's more important that they are healthy. Pointed silence.

penguinplease Thu 06-Feb-14 09:03:39

People only make comments like this when you are pregnant. If they saw you with twin girls they wouldn't say it.
Stop telling people the gender and just say you're hoping for a happy healthy pregnancy and nothing else matters.

Lottapianos Thu 06-Feb-14 09:03:56

Oh some people are such utter prats! Humphrey's idea is a good one - leaves no room for nasty responses. If you do get the odd brazen comment, just stonewall with 'oh we're SO happy!' Plus hard smile. Sorry you're dealing with this crap and congratulations x

Cannotbelieveit Thu 06-Feb-14 09:04:05

You are growing 2 healthy girls, congratulations!

Ignore stupid comments and maybe don't tell people they are girls anyway?

We've kept it secret we are having a DS2 in April as we already had a few people hoping it would be a girl and saying that to us too!

DS1 was in SCBU for his first 16 days! I find it ridiculous people would think we want a girl! We just want a healthy baby that can come straight home.

Lottapianos Thu 06-Feb-14 09:04:10

Oh some people are such utter prats! Humphrey's idea is a good one - leaves no room for nasty responses. If you do get the odd brazen comment, just stonewall with 'oh we're SO happy!' Plus hard smile. Sorry you're dealing with this crap and congratulations x

Lottapianos Thu 06-Feb-14 09:04:26

Oh some people are such utter prats! Humphrey's idea is a good one - leaves no room for nasty responses. If you do get the odd brazen comment, just stonewall with 'oh we're SO happy!' Plus hard smile. Sorry you're dealing with this crap and congratulations x

Lottapianos Thu 06-Feb-14 09:05:10

Sorry, phone freaked out!

Pixielady83 Thu 06-Feb-14 09:07:03

I had this from my MIL when I had DD and it made my blood boil so I feel your frustration! must be very aggravating for that to be the stock response you get rather than just one person. My temptation would be to respond with 'oh I was hoping for girls anyway' just to put them in their place but I suppose that makes you sound as bad as them the other way round. Sorry you've had disappointing responses, hope family in UK have been more excited, twins whichever gender are an amazing thing!

grin congratulations. I have twins boys. Having twins is brilliant, it really is. It doesn't matter what combo you get. People can be so silly, I can't fathom why anyone would actually say anything like that out loud. Although I know from experience that they do.
Tell them to fuck off while you can still blame it on the hormones.
Good luck.

anchovies Thu 06-Feb-14 09:11:29

Congratulations!! Sisters are fab!

Damnautocorrect Thu 06-Feb-14 09:15:15

Awww lovely, what silly people (I wouldn't say it but I think a matching pairs nicest).

LoonvanBoon Thu 06-Feb-14 09:16:44

Congratulations, Evie! Like Arya I also have twin boys & absolutely love it. I didn't know what sex my babies were going to be but I did know they would be the same sex (monochorionic identicals) & yes, I got a few comments about whether I was disappointed it wasn't going to be "one of each" - & even occasional looks of horror & "Oh dear, what if it's two boys!".

Some people say stupid things - don't let it spoil your excitement. I agree with the stock response idea. In my experience, a lot of people are fascinated by, but also completely ignorant about, twins. The stupid comments didn't stop when my two were born - when they were babies I was asked - by strangers in the street, & on more than one occasion - which was the "good twin" & which was the "bad twin" ?! Very odd.

Congratulations thanks
Don't people realise that twins are more likely to be the same sex than different sexes ?!

Because of the culture of the society you're living in and the reactions you've had so far I wouldn't tell people that you know the sex or what you're having until they're born. (Unless maybe there are a few people who you know will be nice and pleased for you ?) People will be much less rude (I hope!) once they're here.

Two little girls will be gorgeous, I'm quite jealous envy smile

Roshbegosh Thu 06-Feb-14 09:17:57

Congratulations. You just have to expect that reaction if you choose to live in that culture. You know it's great news and that's what matters.

Mignonette Thu 06-Feb-14 09:19:56

Twins are so special.
flowers for you both and my warmest congratulations.

GoingGoingGoth Thu 06-Feb-14 09:24:34

thanks congratulations, people are stupid.

They've obviously never read sweet valley high grin

juneau Thu 06-Feb-14 09:32:23


I would say either 'We don't know - we want a surprise' or 'We're delighted that it's twin girls'.

People say stupid things. I have two boys and I've lost count of the number of people who've asked if we'll go for a third 'to see if we get a girl'.

YesAnastasia Thu 06-Feb-14 09:35:20

Best friends for life! You're so lucky. Personally, I love having 2 the same because I'm cheesy & love to dress them the same smile

Plus, since Sweet Valley High in my teens I always wanted a twin.

Best of luck & congratulations x

Evie2014 Thu 06-Feb-14 09:41:29

Mumsnet is a really great place. I'm reading all your comments and feeling much better. Thank you everyone!

TwoThreeFourSix Thu 06-Feb-14 09:42:21


I understand what you mean though. A friend was horrified recently when I told her all the negative remarks I get when I say I'm pregnant with DS2. It's so rare to have a positive comment, despite me broadly smiling when I say it's another boy.

For some unknown reason, having 2 children of the same sex isn't seen as desirable hmm I just thank my lucky stars that I managed to have 2 children when I wanted them (fingers crossed this one will arrive in good health).

I must admit being really pleased by DH's response to the news. When I was pregnant with DS1 he really wanted a girl (for lots of personal reasons). However when we found out DC2 was also a boy he was thrilled because he thinks DS is fab grin

AcrylicPlexiglass Thu 06-Feb-14 09:43:29

Millions of congratulations. Twins are amazing. Love my teenage twin boys to bits (even throughout the pregnancy I was utterly convinced they were girls feeling quite euphoric in the utterly mistaken belief that I was going to have 2 daughters... Doh!). Could you covertly acknowledge and debunk the cultural preference for boys by saying something like: "We've hit the jackpot! It's twin girls, just what we were hoping for. In our culture this is the best outcome possible."

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now