The TMI pregnancy complaints you can't tell your colleagues

[Garliccheesechips]

My fanjo flaps are fucking KILLING ME.

poor you

I am suffering terrible constipation and my bum bleeds when I poo

yes to both of those!!!!!

plus the involuntry farting!!!!!

aaargh to bum bleeding.

I am sick of having to poo in the recovery position.

Lol at recovery position it's awful isn't it!

Involuntary burps also a problem here

The farts are something else..

Vulval varicosities. Ouchy mama.

Ouch! Garlic can completely sympathise though. Mine have been double the size since about 17 weeks :(

It's really pissing me off that I'm struggling to reach to wipe my bum properly!!!!!!

god the beeding when I poo is horrible the constipation has caused me to tear and iv got piles!!
my bits feel swollen god it sucks!!

Dry, crusty nipples. no need!

Fybogel sachets very good for constipation. Just found full box left over from last pregnancy. Most chemists stock them. Much better than lactolose from gp.

I also have dry crusty nipples and bumbleeds (no constipation or piles though so don't get why it bleeds). Does anyone have nosebleeds? I keep getting them in the morning when I wake up.

Yup, nosebleeds. Usually on public transport when I don't have a tissue.
And I sometimes fart if I get up too quickly.

Fuck, I'm hot.

hideously itchy nipples, an a torn bleeding backside we really are attractive creatures! Ive been getting loads of nose bleeds as well

I just thought today when a colleague asked me 'How are you feeling?' and I said 'oh fine thanks, how are you?'; what her reaction would be if I was totally honest...

"My tits hurt, my fanjo hurts, I can't poo, I can't hold my farts in, my nipples are chaffing and my snot is bloody".

... can't say anything at all remotely to do with my pregnancy at work as I'm surrounded by men! Even just looking at my bump and stroking it makes my HOD jump off of his seat. He nearly threw up when I told him that I was going to work until my due date, yet alone tell him that I'm getting lighting pains that feels like someone is poking my lady bits with a knitting needle :o

and not to forgot the forced wearing of tena lady! Only 23 weeks and whenever I laugh, cough or (god forbid!) sneeze I wee myself a little! No one tells you these things!!
Plus the constant gagging - used to have a pretty good constitution for gore but now the sight of a snotty(bloody) tissue sends me reeling for the bathroom.

I had constipation so bad I never did a poo for an entire month :( I was prescribed lactulose (bought it off the shelf cheaper tho) and I bought a 4 pack of micralax. I used two of them and the instructions tell you to hold it in for 15 minutes... I managed about 3 minutes the first time then had to run to the loo where nothing happened but I really wanted it to! The second time I managed 10 minutes of agony then did the tiniest bit ever. The lactulose did NOTHING for me. I was taking 60ml a day (I was prescribed only 30 ml) and it did NOTHING!

It only stopped when I entered the second trimester and now it's all normal without the help of anything at all.

A month of being constipated leaves you breathless, sluggish and bloated. The entire first trimester was a misery for me :( but everything is great now at 26 weeks :D all I get now is the odd squirt of wee when I sneeze or cough but I can handle that with cheapo pads :P

I just weed myself. Properly. Down my leg. I only had three yards to walk to the bathroom but couldn't make it :(

After googling my complaint recently (heavy feeling and swollen vajayjay), I found out it's commonly known (maybe in the US anyway) as 'cheeseburger crotch' - BOAK!!
One of my best friends is 3 weeks behind me, our last text conversation involved engorged lady bits, 5 day old jobbies, involuntarily pissing oneself, itchy nipples and bum grapes. Lovely eh?!

Oh my God, this thread is scaring me!!

Im pregnant with DC1 - am only 5 weeks and the only symptoms I have are sore boobs and randomly comic sized nipples.
When can I expect to start experincing all the delights that are mentioned on here???!!!

You absolute bastards!

Am on the train reading this and am
In tears!

Well as I suppose I've had a good laugh at your symptoms, it seems only fair I share mine from when I was pregnant.

Omfg the farts. You know you can usually stand the smell of your own. Not pregnancy farts. They are something special. The military /police should bottle pregnancy farts and use them instead of teargas to disperse rioters! So much worse than period farts IMO

Hairy belly. Now it could just be me as I've never met anyone else who it a hairy belly when pregnant. I'm not just talking about a nice neat line, no the whole damn thing was covered in fur.

Piles, I don't think I need to say anything else do I.

Involuntary weeing. Warning ladies, dd2 is 5 and I still get this. Do those pelvic floor exercises (or buy shares in tena)

Involuntary weeping. At absolutely anything. Sometimes just someone saying hello set me off.

"Involuntary weeing. Warning ladies, dd2 is 5 and I still get this. Do those pelvic floor exercises (or buy shares in tena)"

I'm really hoping my weeing problem is because I'm 40+1 and baby's head is low.

My fanjo feels like it's going to bust apart thanks to SPD.
All my knickers dig in in the wrong places, so I have to keep adjusting myself.
I don't seem to be able to do a proper poo all at once, so have to go several times for each one :-(
The heartburn sometimes makes me feel like I have sick in my mouth, actually I think I actually do have a bit of sick in the back of my throat at times.

There is probably more, but I wouldn't want to make you all jealous of my extreme hotness!

I am crying with laughter at this thread! I am so glad it is not just me!

The unbelievable wind. Even the cats have to leave the room and dh is very impressed with me! And I can't stop it!

Hormonal crying at everything - the tv, books, how pretty the frost makes the garden, the cats being cute, the cats being a nuisance, noise from next door neighbours moving in, the thought that me shouting at the cats may be why the last neighbours moved out (thanks, dh), a bill arriving, how nice the lady in the bank was, how mean the bloke at the bank was, the bus being late, the bus being early...

The truly vast quantity of goo I'm producing for no apparent reason, given I have no interest in sex (another reason for crying)

Nosebleeds. So far I have had one continuous mild nosebleed since 3 months. Doctor says there is nothing wrong with me.

The hairiness. Paid a fortune for laser hair removal just before I got pg. What a waste of money and pain... I look like the missing link. I can't even shave any of it off since I CAN'T FECKING SEE IT FOR MYSELF!

Can I mention the wind again? Honestly. I can't bear to be in a room by myself.

OMG - am sat at my desk laughing out loud and happy it's not just me!

The farts are truely disgusting, I actually managed to wake myself up last night farting - truely hideous! And don't even get me started on my bowels, they work perfectly normal for a few days and then stop and then I have to sit on the toilet for what seems like hours when they start working again!

I'm also with you viking lady, I had the lazer, only 6 treatments and I had to stop when I found out about the pregnancy, even DH said the other day to me when I was in the shower 'I thought all your hair was supposed to be gone'!

Every morning I wake up like I have the flu but then when I finally manage to de-snot and de-blood my nose I can breathe again - whats that all about - I've never produced so much snot!

No wonder my mother always said you can leave your dignity at the door when you become pregnant! :)

Xx