Mumsnet Talk

New thread just for you star!

Well, hopefully not just for you, or it could get a bit boring talking to yourself .

Thanks CSWS

Star I agree with CSWS it is much easier to deal with other peoples children than your own. I find the nursery children's tantrums much easier to deal with calmly than J's because they aren't my child I suppose so don't push my buttons as much.

Sometimes J has huge tantrums that neither dh or I can deal with and it is exhausting and horrible. I loose my temper easily with him which makes me feel evil and The worst one recently involved him not wanting to get dressed in his pjs so in the end after many attempts to defuse the situation and tears and shouting from me dh and I left him alone in the hall with his clothes and put the tv on in the living room so as to pretend to ignore him. The little bugger got himself dressed again in his clothes and then when he realised we were ignoring him came in for a cuddle I've found though that the same thing doesn't always work, with J sometimes ignoring works, sometimes time-out and sometimes distraction. I just try all really

As for needing a timetable for the day, I do this with J too and he talks it through a lot. I started this from an early age because he seemed to find changes in the day, e.g. stopping playing to go out, easier to accept if he had been forewarned about it. I think all children like to know what's happening don't they so I don't think it's anything to be concerned about and if it is then I should be too

Finally yay to the referral!

Lots of trick-or-treaters tonight. My SIL brought my niece over (6 months) in a pumpkin costume and she 'helped' J open the door to hand out sweets. Very cute! Such a great week off with J last week what with his bday and party etc, very to be back at work today.

Thanks, csws!
PP glad to hear it's similar for you.
I guess that's it. I just need to let some things go and not get so worked up when Q does these things... But sometimes, like getting dressed in the morning. It needs to be done. Q would LOVE to stay in pjs all day and wouldn't give a hoot about kids seeing him turn up in them, so I doubt that would work... So I struggle through it most mornings as he resists. It's awful.

hello everyone, having a hell of a day here. My lovely DS has become some kind of devillish fiend, can;t seem to walk past another human being without walloping it. Been really tough few weeks as his friedns are getting upset with him, DD1 won;t play with him as she keeps getting injured, it's all just too stressful. Nursery going well though, he seems to act like a normal person there . High point of today came on walk home, P in sling, pushing buggy full of schoolbag, coats, etc. DD1 on one side and DS on the other, halfway across a busy road he decided to object to my carrying hus scooter across and stopped. I started screaming 'shutupshutupjustwalkbeforeweallgetrunoveraaagghhhh.' Not a calm, controlled parenting moment.
I've come to bed with my dinner and a sleeping baby, before i just melt in a big heap of misery all over the kitchen floor. I've had enough. It's too bloody hard juggling everyone.

pistachio. Sorry it's been so difficult. You have made me feel better about my own child's behaviours of late, though!
He's an angel at preschool as well
I don't understand why they hit. Why is that an instinct?

of pistachio, that's a tough day. I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I dread having to ake them somewhere perfectly normal, like food shopping just for a few bits as the boys are so hard to control. They'll skip around, hitting each other, tripping up innocent members of the public and completely ignore threats/reasoning/bribery. Makes you feel like the worst parent in the world.
Comfort yourself with the fact that today is over, everyone is still alive
I have come down with a truly stinking cold. Borderline man-flu if truth be told .
Off to bed after dinner.

Pepper I hope you get some rest tonight.
I am now convinced that I could never handle an additional child.

Awww Pepper, I am right there with you - I have barely done a thing today, I couldn't lift me head from a cushion for about an hour earlier my sinus pain was so bad luckily Naomi was happy to lay with me and be read several books <phew> I really hope you feel better soon! Eeeeek to that description of shopping, I thought it was bad enough for me as Naomi is amazing for about half of it and whinges and screeches like crazy for the second half and DS just has the inclination to touch everything as we pass lol!

HP - awwww it all sounds very normal to me, hard yes, but normal! You are doing a great job with him, as for books, there are many books which can tell you how to raise children and the like, but being a mother is more than that isn't it - it is a 24hr on call, big old bucket of stress love and you get no break from it, even when they sleep you are on call, listening to how they breathe, picking up their toys, cleaning up the smudges and smears they make all about the place, you are their teacher, chef, waiter, cleaner, personal shopper, face and bum wiper, toilet assistant, wardrobe assistant, nurse, you name it, you are IT, so many things to do and get right!!! EVERY DAY, none of that can come from a book! you are doing brilliantly

PP - so glad you had a lovely week, about feeling sad about retuning to work though, not nice! Not long until the christmas break now though.......... then you get two full weeks with your lovely boy

CSWS - thanks for the new thread! DS sounds like your DD, waiting until bedtime to need a rerun of all near future upcoming events, would drive me potty at times, has eased a little now, but he is still desperate to be in the know! How did the clock change go for you? was terrible here

All ok, we had a very busy half term, DS was 6 bless him we had such a lovely time, DH has been at work pretty much non-stop since though as his boss went in hospital and will need a long recovery so eveyrthing is all a bit up in the air here really! I am ill, Naomi is getting better and DS came home from school yesterday at 10.30 after a bad bump to the head, he is of course fine though and spent the rest of the day whizzing about the place like a loon but never mind, best be safe than sorry!

Sorry, Pistachio - knew I had missed someone The stopping mid road incident sounds scary, you poor thing - glad all is ok though! Not sure about the aggression, DS was a nightmare for what felt like forever, I could never do anything to help <and believe me I tried> I hope it passes soon! As for wanting to give up, you are doing great, I have no idea how you manage with 3 so young!

myjob you're totally right, it's the juggling everythin that makes parenthood so challenging. My guilt comes from food, i know what i should feed them, i know what i would like to cook or put in lovely packed lunches etc but knowledge of nutrition is not the same as the reality with baby on hip, hungry DC underfoot, fussiness over perfectly normal meals and being unable to pop to the shop for forgotten onions or milk since it would involve 20 mins of finding shoes, coats, arguing over cbeebies being turned off,. It's the whole picture that is tough, not individual elements.

The reality of having three children in all its glory. Mostly beautiful some times pure misery.
Ds is much better than he was but still pushes all my buttons. We were in WHSmith last week and he refused to stand sit walk. So I ended up screeching at him some nonsence about him being a dog and I dont like dogs. Rather crappy parenting technique I feel.
Then later he comes over and gives me a big hug with a lovely kiss and tells me he is sorry and he loves me!

Remember ladies the small monsters grow up into beautiful well rounded individuals, even if we do give the chips sometimes and let them watch too much Ben & Holly.

I love Ben and Holly! Every time Pops puts it on she says "is this your favourite?".

Been back to paed finally this afternoon. He can't tell me the extent of the allergies as he's too young but we don't need to have an egg-free house. I started ntroducing new things every 3 days but vomiting seemed to increase with the wheat so didn't introduce anything else... Paed said to resume tho. So I'm now back on soya [soy sauce woo hoo!]

Made home-made garlic breAd with Pure Mary tonight then realised I hadn't checked the Ingredients of the french stick So rang Morrisons and they said it would take 10 days to get the ingredients to me AND they don't have a list of their dairy or egg free products. It's not good, I may complain.

PND still not great, pops birthday party yesterday was a big stress and I haven't been great today. DS still a crap sleeper, I've been up since 4.45. Early night Again for me!

Excuse errors in post, Phone playing up.

Pure marg ha ha!

HMM - sounds very difficult, I hope Poppy had a good birthday though :D That sounds terrible about morrisons <shakes head!>

All ok here, bit down in the dumps hence not posting much, hope to be back more soon!

Why so down, myjob?

HP my love, I don't really want to talk about it publically but thank you for asking x

I'll fb.
Q has a sticker chart for doing what parents, caters and teachers tell him for a week or so. He's being so stubborn. I am not a sticker chart fan as it totally does not foster any sort of intrinsic motivation, all extrinsic, but I'm desperate. I'll let him swim in and eat chocolate if he will outgrow this phase. I love him and I enjoy him when he's being lovely (a lot of the time if I'm honest!). But this boundary pushing and stubbornness... It's horrid. I have endless patience with my students but get so frustrated when Q misbehaves and I feel awful about it.

Hi all, HMM hope P loved her birthday. I'm sorry to hear that the party was hard work though. J's was too. I get myself into this flap about it all being perfect and making the cake perfect and then don't really enjoy any of it because I'm too busy flapping.

HP any news on Q's referral and any breakthrough with going to the toilet more easily for him? I've been wondering how he was getting on. No advice for stubbornish from me I'm afraid other than sympathy and much

Myjob hope you are ok, I don't like to think of you being as you are always so happy sounding in your posts. I hope whatever it is gets better soon [illegal hug]

All ok here, J being cute and lovely most of the time, demon the rest. Dh and I struggling a bit at the mo so very up and down. I have a promotion at work for 6 months whilst a colleague is on maternity leave. Great for professional development and I'm very flattered to get it not sure how great it is going to be for my working mum guilt.

<bowls back in nonchalantly> Hello, dereged and am back with an additional number. How are we all?

You deregged (and how did I not know this already?!).
Welcome back into the fold!

Sorry you are down myjob, and that you found Pop's party difficult hmm. It does sound like you are making some progress with finding things that D can eat though, which is good.
I have tonight decided that I need to test a theory that J might be egg intolerant . He has been really miserable and screaming for hours in the night for weeks now, and whilst we initially blamed teething, his behaviour when he wakes doesn't really suggest this at all (no pulling at ears or mouth, but rather arching his back and flinging himself back like dd used to before we discovered her milk problem). I have been eating a lot more eggs since I started slimming world (at least 2 per day) so it seems the most likely culprit if there is another intolerance. He did have some dairy himself, but that was nearly 3 weeks ago now, so I don't think it would still be causing a problem if it was that.

star - funnily enough dh and I were talking about D's behaviour only this evening, and I said that maybe we should try a reward chart for him, as he is so difficult about certain things (anything he doesn't want to do in fact!). He wails if he doesn't get his own way about bedtime (he insists on dh carrying him into his room on his shoulders, insists on '2 pages' of a book, followed by '2 pages' more etc) and keeps getting up during the night and going in to sleep with dh, wailing enough to wake me (on opposite corner of house through closed thick fire doors) if dh doesn't let him stay. It really has to stop. Need to devise what the reward system would be before we start it though. Handily I bought some weekly charts from my Phoenix trader friend recently.

Hi all! I am feeling a little bit better today, sorry to have seemed like such a grumpy-bum yesterday

CSWS - eeek that sounds hard at night with both boys and not good about the egg thing either, I hope you get answers soon! Well done with the slimming world though, are you enjoying it?

PP - yes, I try to be as positive as I can manage lol! As for the promotion yay, sure it will all be fine not so good to hear things are a bit of a stuggle at home right now though

HP - good luck with the reward chart, I have never used one, am to inconsistent, thankfully Naomi doesn't seem to have much desire to be difficult <she has her moments but they are not too hard to manage!> and with DS I tend to take a train away temporarily for unnacceptable behaviour and this troubles him enough to try and change his attitude and behaviour, when he is getting really het up I just get him to leave the room until he calms down - he is 6 now though and things are easier than they once were!

50ft - welcome back <with your new numbers lol! > How have things been going?

Hello CSWS and Myjob <waves>
Things are okish here. DS is currently lovely although that might be because I never see him! He is a bit of a Sport Billy as he now does trampolining, football and rugby. Plus he is learning to play guitar with a friend with DH has a tutor. It makes fitting in school work and having fun rather challenging! We have discussed dropping a hobby but then we have melt downs so until it affects his school work we'll stick with it. He is a happy chappy so I have no worries about him needing time to just be a child. M is a bugger of the highest order. A stubborn, defiant, bossy, smart-arse, answering back, hilarious monster of a little madam. She has her adorable moments but life is mostly just a draining day long debate. Ask me any other day and I am sure I'd have said M is delightful but today.... gah.

Reward charts have never worked for my two. They would rather misbehave or be lazy than work to get the reward. We started pocket money for DS about three months ago. He has three jobs to complete in order to get his pocket money 1) help put the shopping away, 2) bring his school uniform down from his room on a Friday so it can be washed and 3) keep his room tidy. In three months has had earned pocket money twice. He doesn't care. The idea of trying reward charts with M is laughable, delayed gratification is not a concept M will entertain. She won't even behave during lunch in order to get a bit of flapjack. :rolls eyes:

How is everyone?
So sorry to hear you're struggling with PND again HMM.

hello, got P asleep on my knee so will see how long i can type for... Sorry you're sad myjob, message me on FB if you want to chat, i'm not always able to type back immediately but i will reply

HMM focus on the fact that you did a great birthday for your girl, those memories will outlive the crappy feelings you ahve now, honest.

CSWS, urgh to the neverending food intolerance adventures.

DS varies between being so sweet and kind i want to melt with joy, and being utter devil child. Not much in between. We had a great run of lvoely behaviour, but nursery has been tiring him out so he's challenging int he evenings. I just cry, take to my bed and make DH deal with it. He's settled really well at nursery though so that's a positive. DD1 a bit of a madam and between them i am reduced to a quivering wreck most weekdays. DD2 lovely apart from the buggy aversion, in the sling almost all outings now. She's spent all week saying 'dadadadadada' ad infinitum, and gets cross that she can;t figure out how to crawl. 26 weeks on Friday, can;t quite believe it.

I'm an essay and one more course away from qualifying, which is most exciting. Hoping to teach next summer so if i can get my written work done before that i can teach, be assessed and then put it all behind me. I'm also busy setting up my nappuccinos, should be fn and fit well with my antenatal classes as i will refer people from one to th eother. Always nice to have lots og little things on th ego, stops the monotony of everyday life finishing me off.

I'm having good days and bad days mood wise. I'm surviving, keeping my head above water but i'm not th eparent i want to be to my children and i know only time and rest will really heal me and make that possible. I've done it before and i intend to do it again, this time next year i hope i will be serene and enjoying my family the way i should. Just have to make it through a dark Scottish winter first.

Evening.
So your back eh M sounds a bit like W.
Star charts have never worked in my house. DD1 sort of responded but we both got bored with it.
I have found through long and hard experience that saying NO and sticking to it is far more effective than any other techniques or stuff out of books. Normally around two weeks of struggle and the small ones get the idea. Although it isnt a permanent thing. I have found that the behaviour you find really most annoying is the one that always comes back most frequently.

I witnessed Myjobs super parenting a few weeks ago and I can say she is mostly marvelous (and does a cracking lunch)

HMM remember lack of sleep makes everything so much harder. Be gentle with yourself. You have had a very hard few months.

Pistachio. No one is ever the parent they think they can be or the parent they want to be.
Dont beat yourself up. Three children under 6, a college course, husband and house to look after you have every reason to be tired and stressed.
It gets easier, I promise. You have a few years to go mind you but it does get much much easier.