When will I start enjoying my baby??

[Maddy06]

I am a first time mum to a 6 week old girl - and am gutted to find that I'm not enjoying the whole experience at all!! I also feel horribly guilty about this. She is quiet when feeding and sleeping, but if awake she is invariably crying. Is this normal? Will it stop? Can anyone offer me some hope?? I thought we'd be having at least a few happy times making eye contact and bonding, but if she's always got her eyes shut while she's wailing how can this happen?! And the books say she might be smiling by this age, but if she is always miserable it doesn't seem likely! Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore her, but I feel like she is so unhappy and I can't make her better. I don't expect motherhood to be easy, but I'm shocked by how little of it is enjoyable so far. Help!!

[poppadum]

Oh goodness, the first few months are hell for all of us. and certainly I have never known a baby to smile this early. Don't worry; just try to get some rest and get her fed. In re the crying, small babies do cry a lot! Mine cried incessantly. But you might have a talk with your GP/HV to see if she is getting enough milk.

Try to relax and not put so much pressure on yourself. The books don't tell you how hard it is. You have the rest of your life to bond with her. I didn't bond with mine until they were past six months; I was just too bloody tired.

[CountessDracula]

This is par for the course I'm afraid (well it is among people I know!)

Welcome to parenthood!

(it does get better btw but could be a few weeks yet)

[oops]

i agree, it is horrible, you are tired and stressed.
It does get better, bit by bit, honest
And some days are worse than others.
try talking to some other mothers with babies your dd's age- HV may run a group
Get out a bit in the sunshine and just don't expect to be loving it every moment- it really is crap with a new born- honest.
They get bigger and more settled and then you start getting a it more sleep and feel less stressed and then bit by bit you realise what a beautiful person you have living with you and you start to enjoy it all..

but is is gradual and slow- good luck xxx

[Maddy06]

Thanks poppadum - so nice to know someone really reads these message boards! Baby is sleeping peacefully in my arms at the moment!

[motherinferior]

Oh sweetie, the first six weeks with my first baby were absolute hell. And I too remember desperately trying to spot a smile and wondering what I'd done wrong and why everyone else seemed to be blissful and I wasn't.

Please don't feel guilty. Do ask your HV/GP, if they seem much use, if you might have post natal depression. I can tell you, though, that pretty well everyone else is struggling too, however much they tell you they're blissful (as I subsequently found out).

[Maddy06]

thanks everyone! feeling better just to have made contact with some other mums!

[lahdeedah]

I found the first couple of months with my baby girl really hard as well. The sleep deprivation makes everything seem awful. Newborns do pretty much just feed, sleep and cry I'm afraid!! I found that just when I had reached the end of my tether things started to improve. Just enjoy the quiet moments when she is sleeping!! My DD is now 13 months and doesn't stop moving for most of the day so make the most of it while you can!

[motherinferior]

I tell you, I bloody wish I'd known about MN then...it saved me during the first few months of my second baby!

[NotAnOtter]

maddy - my fourth baby was just like this...

At 8 weeks i took him to the gp - not knowing what to say really and i just got in there and said ' he just does not seem happy'

I then said that i thought it could make me depressed that i spent the whole day with htis baby who i loved DEARLY but was just miserable all the time.

The story goes on because she sent him for tests etc etc etc....

Suffice to say at ten weeks a friend sent me round to a neighbours an irish ex - midwife for advice. The midwife heared my story between sobs and sent me to a cranial osteopath ( i live near Leeds) ....MY BABY WAS A DELIGHT OVERNIGHT! No word of a lie..I went twice ...I remeber he seemed to barely touch him but he listned and nodded and said 'you have come to the right place' HE WAS RIGHT.

Please please try it - it changed mine and my baby's lives . DP and I were both cynics and did not believe it would work but i was close to desperate.... and it did work

Good luck and let me know if you do go!

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

oh yes, the first 6-8 weeks were a nightmare with DS. DD - my first, was actually pretty good and smiled really early on but i gather now, after the shock of DS being a 'normal' baby , that most babies tend to cry, quite a lot in the early days.

It does get easier, and you wont really notice it, but it will happen. Babies are cute, and lovable, but all they really do in the first few weeks are eat, sleep, poo and cry.

[Maddy06]

did the osteopath help because there was something medically wrong with your baby? what does an osteopath do?

[NotAnOtter]

No there was nothing wrong with him - he just said some babies heads need a wee bit of ( god knows what!?) adjustment after delivery ( did you have a normal delivery)

He barely seemed to touch him he just 'adjusted the bones of his skull'
he said before he started that it would take 3 sessions but after the second he said he was fine so no need to go back!!!
He was fine after the first - i SWEAR a different child no crying no whingeing - a dream!

[Ledodgyherring]

Another vote for craneal osteopathy here. We went 3 times in total and I now have the happiest baby in the world!

[Kathy1972]

Maddy, one day your dd will start having an 'awake and not crying or eating' mode - it's lovely when that happens and you feel you can start to communicate!
You mustn't feel you're not making her happy - you are fulfilling her needs and loving her and that's all you can do at the moment.

[Maddy06]

Yep, normal delivery. Might give it a go! Worth a try I suppose!

[1Baby1Bump]

i felt similar when my first son was born but as they get older, i find they are much easier to relate to as they give more back. they respond to you with smiles and are easier to read.

try to enjoy things while she is tiny as you'll soon be running around after her!!

[NotAnOtter]

Well all i hear about it is good and its instant....i am not a hippy type (no offence to hippys!) but it seems to work everytime!

[Feistybird]

Blimey, yes, this sounds so familiar, the fog of early motherhood.

Like everyone says, it does get better.

[blueteddy]

Sympathies. My DS1 used to constantly cry for the first 3 months of his life & more often than not I ended up joining him! The only time he seemed to be quiet was when he was either being walked in his pram, eating or sleeping. This led to me spending hours of the day wandering around town pushing him in his pram & looking like the living dead!
I got desperate one morning & phoned my HV, saying "Help, my baby is not normal, he cries all the time!"
She paid me a visit & told me he was a very normal baby, but he was probably suffering from colic. It was just my luck that infocol was off the shelf for the 3 months I needed it too!
Have you tried to talk to your HV?
Do you think your DD may have colic?
I don't know how I got through those first couple of months, but pretty much dead on 3 months DS suddenly turned into a smiley, lovely little baby & I turned into a much happier Mummy!
The first couple of months can be really tough, but I can assure you that it does get easier & you will soon be able to really enjoy your baby.

[MumtoBen]

My baby was the same. The 1st 3 months were terrible. He screamed and screamed. He had colic, but also seemed to be in pain with his head. At 3 months the colic stopped and I took him to a cranial osteopath. He was like a different baby. Much calmer and could actually enjoy him (although still hard work!!)

[claire7676]

My dd was the same, cried and cried and cried! Made it very hard to bond with her. I too went to a cranial oesteopath and it really helped, sometimes the neck and spine can be out of alignment from the birth and it does seem to help. Try it, you have nothing to loose! The lack of sleep, sheer emotion of having a baby all kicks in too, be kind to yourself and give yourself time. My dd is now 14mths (and I'm pregnant again) and life is very different now! Hang in there, it really does get better! x

[Dior]

I thought it was supposed to get easier (better!) by 8 weeks. It didn't, but we muddled along. I thought I had made the worst mistake ever...

By 8 months, he was sleeping through, and having 2 two-hour naps a day, and we had a fab time! Hopefully this will happen to you before 8 months!

[mumfor1standfinaltime]

Maddy06,
I felt the same way. It is hard to see through the feeds, and not getting any sleep. It can feel like you walk around on auto pilot for a while too.
For me, it took probably around 12 weeks to get my head around it!( I did have traumatic birth though which didnt help )

Only advice I can offer is - dont worry, it will get easier and you will enjoy it! Try to take time to chill out for yourself in the evening if poss, have a nice bath, hire a dvd, watch your fave comedy, sit in the garden with a drink, This helped me feel more 'normal'.

As for the bonding thing, this has probably happened but you dont notice it, too busy worrying! It takes time to get to know each other and to love each other. As each day passes you will gain memories and stories to tell.

Ds is now 16 months, and we have grown together day by day, and wouldnt change him for the world!

[expatinscotland]

everything you feel is entirely normal, maddy. please don't beat yourself up about it.

i promise it will get better, hon, i promise!

you're just getting to know each other now.

[sansouci]

Had to LOL in sympathy. It is generally a total nightmare the first 2 months. For me it was the constant crying, feeding, my total anxiety & confusion and sleep deprivation. Being pg is bad enough (esp the last few weeks) but a newborn is damned hard work. No wonder I was reading that Contented Little Baby book & underlining passages & wondering if I should get some blackout curtains made! My mum told me she had practically memorised Dr Spock by the time I was 2 months. Too bad babies don't come with an instruction manual, eh?

It gets better, I promise.