On becoming Mary Poppins... Toddler and newborn support thread #2

(883 Posts)
ThePinkNinja Thu 08-Nov-12 09:38:53

A place to continue the complaining conversation about the hair pulling days and sleepless nights fun and frolics of life with a toddler and newborn

Wibblypiglikesbananas Thu 07-Nov-13 21:43:41

Just read this through with interest. DD has turned into a nightmare since we brought DS home from hospital two weeks ago. There is a 25 month age gap. I've been looking through her 2nd birthday pics and it's like she was a different child just a few weeks back before DS arrived - happy, playful, outgoing. Now she tantrums, has been refusing food (and she likes her food!), won't go to bed, tries to climb out of the bath - basically won't enjoy anything she used to love.

My feelings range from extreme guilt that we've rocked her little cosy world to anger/annoyance that we can't do anything without some kind of drama. It doesn't help that I can't pick her up due to emergency c-section scarring. Anyway, would be nice to hear success stories or if anyone else is in the same boat!

debbie1412 Mon 23-Sep-13 12:49:21

Lady it took my son 9 weeks to be my friend again. It did bloody hurt. His feathers have been russled that's all. 11 months in They love each other dearly x

LadyFlumpalot Sun 22-Sep-13 11:12:57

Hello can I join you? DS is 2.9 and DD is 4 days old. I'm feeling a bit down as DS has completely gone off me. He is fine with DH and even fine with the baby but he has just gone totally cold with me. Even asked me where his mummy has gone. sad

I'm trying hard to spend time just him and me when DD is asleep but he just tells me to go away.

It's making me quite sad, please tell me he will come round soon?

Mummy2NJ Sun 22-Sep-13 00:33:15

Hi haddock,
Your DS2 is still very small. Tiredness and sleep deprevation can be torture and are playing a big role in the way you are feeling right now.
My advise would be
Dont be too hard on yourself
I'm sure you are doing the best you can
At the moment you should still be on survival mode (whatever works at that moment)
Try and be around people I used to find that bring out and about helped loads, toddler groups, softplay, park, friends houses, having friends over .

My two are now
2.5yrs
11months
It really does get easier as they start enjoying the same things and they are now on the same routine
Be strong YOU CAN DO IT!!

Haddock73 Thu 19-Sep-13 06:52:40

Hi everyone, I ave two dc, ds1 is 2 and ds2 is 3.5 weeks old. I'm really struggling and finding everyday a chore. I longed to be on mat leave again when I was back at work from mat leave with ds1, but now I can't wait to go back.

I hate it, and hate myself for feeling this way.

It's exhausting, and all I find myself doing is losing my temper and snapping at ds1 - it makes me s sad as we had a great relationship before. Ds2 seems like a alien to me and. A unable to bond with him.

When does it be better?

Started a thread in parenting about this and got a lot of support and words of encouragement, but it's not getting any better.

Last night I lost it and was on the verge f walking out. Didn't hel that husband was out drinking leaving me to do everything.

I dread life at the moment and feel very bleak.

debbie1412 Wed 18-Sep-13 17:25:13

Has everybody eloped???

Mummy2NJ Wed 28-Aug-13 21:22:07

Debbie I could have written this to be honest.
You are not alone, the only thing is people are always too afraid to admitt these things as they are scared of being judged.
This dosnt make you any less of a parent or mean you love your kids any less. You are just going through a rough patch and it will pass
Hang in there you are a super mum and remember things are made worse by the fact that its school holidays. Playgroups are shut, soft plays a full of older kids etc
Things will get back to normal soon
At least thats what I keep telling myself!!

debbie1412 Wed 28-Aug-13 19:16:44

Someone give me a kick up the arse. I don't want to be a mum at the moment and I can't drag myself out of this shitty feeling...finding the whole bloody thing very tedious and patience sapping.

Mummy2NJ Sat 17-Aug-13 20:06:03

Thats my problem too. Ds1 was born in the summer end of May so weather was great for garden party but DS2 being end October ill struggle having a house party as although we have a good sized garden the house itself is not being enough to host a part. We hired a soft play for DS2 2nd party but I know DH will never agree to this. Guilt guilt guilt is eating me up!! I don't want him to look at pics when he is older and feel like he got less of a celebration!

debbie1412 Thu 15-Aug-13 23:18:12

Ahhhhh I've made more of dd being a baby, I've enjoyed it more should I say. 1st birthday at total loss what to do dc1 birthday was massive. Il also feel bad if I don't make it the same. He was a September baby we had it at the house and used the garden. Dc2 she's November .... Can't really use the garden and house gets trashed. Might copy the cake, banner on the house balloons and decs but keep the people smaller???!

Mummy2NJ Thu 15-Aug-13 00:20:11

Feel like I've missed him as a baby it's gone so quick.
What did you do for you DS first birthday? I'm kind of unsure on what to do this time round! It's making me feel guilty if I don't throw him a party like we did like ds1

debbie1412 Tue 13-Aug-13 19:50:59

November 5th it's coming around so quick x

Mummy2NJ Tue 13-Aug-13 18:47:29

Good for you Debbie! Our day hasn't been that bad just lack of sleep has made me really irritable and extremely tired.
I still cannot believe my little baby boy is soon to be 1 too it saddens me how fast he is growing!!
It's about 11 weeks for my ds too
His birthday is on the 25th October when is your DD?

debbie1412 Mon 12-Aug-13 19:05:33

Dare I say it. We have had a good day. Can u believe our newborns are approaching their 1st birthday. 11 weeks away for lily. Doesn't seem possible x

MonstersDontCry Fri 09-Aug-13 08:51:22

Oh and panda, I had the same worries as you when I found out I was pregnant. DD was an absolute nightmare baby. Things weren't helped by my PND. I had myself convinced that this baby was going to be the same. But I was so wrong! I forget DS is here most of the time because he's the complete opposite of DD. I really wouldn't worry as, like others have said, every baby is different. Congratulations on your pregnancy by the way!

MonstersDontCry Fri 09-Aug-13 08:42:58

I'm so glad I'm bot the only one with non sleeping children. Everyone I know in RL has babies that sleep through. DC1 has never regularly slept through the night. She normally sleeps through about once a fortnight. Last night she woke up 3 times and DS woke up 5 times (one of those times was for 2 hours) I'm literally falling asleep already.

DP can't help much as DD will just scream if he goes to her at night and I'm breastfeeding DS. Ah well. One day I might get a decent nights sleep! grin

Mummy2NJ Fri 09-Aug-13 00:12:11

Hi Debbie,

Your Ds was a real early walker!!!!
Ds1 walked unaided from nearly 12months
DS2 moves around way too much. I wish he would keep still you know once they start that's it!!! I've decided to get a playpen just so I can contain him, and keep them separate for when I go to the loo or start the cooking as he is into everything he stands and uses his push walker. I now have a constant battle I feel like I'm a referee rather then a mother they fight over toys even a peace of paper and in the bath too!!
Believe me once she starts moving around you will wish she stayed stationary!! That's how I feel.

The whole sleep thing is starting to take its toll on me.
What is your bedtime routine for her? Is there something I could change to help DS2 sleep better
I try and not let him nap after 3pm
We aim to get home for 4pm if we have been out in the afternoon.
Dinner is 4:30 or 5pm
Bath at 6pm
I will then breastfeed and rock Ds2 until he falls asleep, this can take up to an hour on days when he isn't tied or about 30min or less on days when he is knakered.
He will sleep till about 10:30-11pm then wake up for a feed and it all goes downhill from there he. He will now wake up very regularly from 11pm sometimes every 3hours some every 2hrs but the past three days its been every 1.5 hours!!!

I used to do the same with ds1 when he was a baby, but at 8 months he started feeding for ages so I I decided to introduced bottle feeds for his bedtime milk he would drink the bottle then go on the breast streight afterwards as comfert I think. He would then on a bad day wake up once and in a good day sleep through apart from sick, teething days.

Please excuse the grammar/spelling and punctuation I write my posts while in bed at night on my phone x

PandamoniMum Thu 08-Aug-13 20:40:53

Thanks ladies, I appreciate the feedback! I don't think I was expecting DC2 to be the same tbh, but unless I have a golden child, worried about coping with demands of two. But you all have done with equally challenging tots (and no sleep in the case of mummy2nj)! Just hope I can do as well!

debbie1412 Thu 08-Aug-13 19:21:19

Is yours moving around much?? Mine just sits there doesn't attempt to crawl or pull herself up. She uses her walker brilliantly but solo she's like a 6 month old. My son walked at 10.5 months it's really strange having 1 so lazy x

Mummy2NJ Thu 08-Aug-13 13:16:12

Debbie,
Such a relief to know in not alone.
Last night i lost count he was up so much it honestly don't know how I make it through the day after having No sleep.

debbie1412 Wed 07-Aug-13 21:53:04

Mummy2nj dd also 9 months her sleep is shocking at the mo. glad I'm not on my own x

Mummy2NJ Wed 07-Aug-13 20:15:57

Hi Panda

I would have said exactly what Debbie said. There is 17 months age gap between mine, so it was a lot harder for DS2 to understand what was actually happening.

I'm yet to meet a parent of two or more, who says they have had the same experience with their DCs.
My point being they are all very different. I also had a pretty long and intense labour with DS1. I started off with an induction that lasted 2 and half days, ended up with an emergency c section. Baby was in special care for a week I had initial problems with breast feeding but mastered that and breastfed for 16months!!! (All theough my pregnancy with ds2) He had reflux and on all the medication they could possibly prescribe for it. He has a huge personality and with that comes extreme naughtiness and gigantic dramatised tantrums!!!
He is pretty hard work and very demanding!
Having said that he started sleeping through the night at 7 months apart from obviously when he was ill or teething.

DS2 on the other hand very streightforwards planned CSection he was a healthy baby took him home after two nights in hospital took to breast feeding streight away still is now. He is a pretty content baby, will happily play only fusses when he is hungry sleepy or needs a nappy change. But at 9 months still has not gone through the night even once!! Wakes up every two hours, till this day I'm lucky if he goes for 3!!

So I wouldn't worry if I were you, just enjoy the thought of having a new addition to your family and being pregnant

debbie1412 Wed 07-Aug-13 14:34:45

Pan- I think their is anxiety with any baby on the way although its different second time round because you have to juggle abit more.
30 months is a good age gap your dc will have abit more understanding and will hopefully quite well.
I had a bad 1st labour very good second labour, I also recovered almost imediatley from it.
Dc2 also slept 3-4 hour stints unlike dc1 who fed every 2 hours for months.
Although now 9 months in her sleep is shocking as dc1 at 9 months went through every night without fail.
Dc2 breast fed horribly for the 1st 10 weeks I was so sore dc1 fed no problem.
My point being is. Theirs no point spending 9 months panicking about something you don't know will happen. This new baby will prob have its own set of hurdles to jump which will be completely different to your 1st born.
It's very true when they say you never get 2 the same. You will cope and you'll love the baby just as much.
Does your dc1 go to nursery ??? I found that helped me an awful lot still does now tbh.
My dc2 also had a lot more formula milk than dc1 had. She's a happy healthy baby. I got so down breast feeding second time round I stopped at 4 months. It worked for us.
Try not to worry, I know it's hard but you'll find away x

PandamoniMum Tue 06-Aug-13 14:54:05

I'm hoping this is the perfect place to post this as you're all where I'm about to be! (Sorry message is sooo long!!!)

I recently found out I'm pregnant (7 weeks) with DC2 - DS1 is 22 months old and a bit of a handful (to put it mildly)! I'm feeling all sorts of confused - excited about being pregnant but terrified I won't be able to cope with a new baby plus the adorable, mischievous monkey that is DS1!

Following a difficult labour (induction, 31hr labour followed by emergency c-section), DS1 had colic and reflux so he screamed almost 24/7, never went to sleep unless he was on me until 18 weeks, slept max 3 hrs in 24 (had permanent black circles under both of our eyes) and it's a time I look back on and still shudder. I also fought to breastfeed as I have allergies and wanted to lower his risk of getting them but my milk production was low so he fed for 4-8 hrs at a time and I was always expressing from the other boob at the same time so not enjoyable at all. In fact I remember things only became more bareable when he reached about 15 months... Anyway...

My concern fear is that I have a similar experience with DC2 and will have to go through it all with with a mischievous (very heavy handed) toddler who needs watching like a hawk too.

I'm hoping I'm not the only one who's had anxieties about this - it would be great to hear from other mums about how you're feeling or how it all turned out!

Thanks!

debbie1412 Tue 06-Aug-13 14:37:15

Hiya, we have an age gap of 26 months. I started taking them out on my own right from the start before the demons set in. Second child was born in the winter so we spent the 1st few months in soft play centres. I always met friends so that I had extra pair of hands. To be honest it's easier to go out than stay at home x

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