On becoming Mary Poppins... Toddler and newborn support thread #2

(883 Posts)
ThePinkNinja Thu 08-Nov-12 09:38:53

A place to continue the complaining conversation about the hair pulling days and sleepless nights fun and frolics of life with a toddler and newborn

AngelDog Thu 22-Nov-12 21:06:55

envy at Earnest on the calmness of your DD1. Welcome!

I know what you mean about not having much time for playing. I'm supposed to be doing child-directed play with DS every day to help with his verbal dyspraxia, but I just can't seem to fit it in! We do manage to get out of the house every day - but that's absolutely essential for sanity.

crazy, that sounds tough. Remind me how old he is. If he's not sleeping well, that'll be having a huge effect on his behaviour.

According to my sleep books, ,m9.,.,.6-8 weeks is when new baby unsettledness (and particularly evening unsettledness) peaks. 6 weeks from due date is usually when it's at its worst. From 6-8 weeks they start having their longest sleep at night (even if that's not very long) so hopefully that might start soon. That might be from due date too rather than birth date.

This morning was hard work as DS2 wouldn't go to sleep after being up for a bit. I went out for a walk with the sling 3 times in my pyjamas before I could get him off. I'm sure the neighbours think I'm the crazy lady...

Just a newborn would be okay here as DS2 is so calm - it's trying to co-ordinate things that's difficult. It was 3 hours after getting up that DS1 and I finally managed to have breakfast.

DS2 hasn't had a fussy evening at all yet - which is lovely as I've had chance to get things done, but it's ominous as it's almost certain to happen in the middle of the night instead. hmm

AngelDog Fri 23-Nov-12 11:55:18

Anyone got any tips on how to actually get dressed in the morning? It's nearly midday and I'm still in PJs.

Our day has gone:

Wake
Bf & change DS2
Bf DS1
DS2 tired. Change & bf. Goes straight to sleep - put in sling.
Get DS1 dressed, breakfast etc.
DS2 wakes. Bf. Goes straight to sleep - put in sling.
hmm

I hate waking DS2 up when he clearly needs to sleep - and he virtually always wakes when I put him down after being asleep in the sling. After that it's usually harder to get him off again. <sigh>

chezziejo Fri 23-Nov-12 18:15:25

Hello can I join pleeaaasseee.

Have ds who is 2.5 and dd who is 5 days old. Dd is fairly placid and sleeps a lot. Not to bad at feeding really but not emptying boobies so quite tender. We arrived at hospital at 21:50 and she was born at 22:03 and me in theatre with a tear (ouch).

Ds is the problem really I wouldn't say he's showing jealousy as such but he is quite emotional and often will not even look at her. He won't touch her. We havnt forced the issue and he's having lots of cuddles and lisses and reassurance. He will come and sit and have a cuddle with me while she feeds but with his back to her. He breaks my heart but we are carrying on as normal. He's had a hell of a lot to deal with just lately as we moved house only 4 weeks ago. Then he got a severe double ear infection and is only just starting to eat properly. Well I say properly it consists of roast potatoes, a bit of meat, plain pasta and yoghurt. He can manage chocolate . Can't remember last time he ate something healthy. Just glad he's eating something. Do we just carry on with what we are doing with plenty of reassurance and cuddles?

Sorry that turned into an epic post I just feel guilty about it somehow but want to show how loved they both are. sad and confused

crazypaving Fri 23-Nov-12 18:55:43

Welcome chezzie! It is so tough with the toddler. I don't have the foggiest clue what I'm doing, and we are really struggling, but I think being consistent with boundaries, plus lots of reassurance and cuddles really makes sense and has to be the best way forward. Not always easy when you're on the field of battle! Hope he cheers up, hard time for him. DS took a couple of weeks to perk up as he was initially miserable; now he's just incredibly naughty and defiant!!

Angel DS1 turned 2 early this month. In terms of getting dressed, I bite the bullet and get up before DH leaves the house to have a shower - often involves getting up whilst both DS's are asleep <weeps quietly> but is worth it to be clean, dressed and sort of in my right mind.

crazypaving Fri 23-Nov-12 18:58:13

Oh and congratulations too chezzie

<searches for brain in amongst nappies and toys>

EMS23 Fri 23-Nov-12 20:58:38

I'm so happy to have found this and see that it's not that my DD has been possessed by an evil spirit!!!

I have DSS 9yo, DD1 2yo last week and DD2 10wo. DD1 has struggled so much, displaying all the behaviours you've all talked about and I've been so miserable at times these last 10 weeks.
For a good 6 weeks I just felt like I'd ruined everyone's lives, even though it was DH that wanted the second baby so soon!

Mostly I'm just exhausted. I found the first year of DD1 so so hard and I am wishing this next year away.
But but but, DD2 is lovely and DD1 has started saying Mummy this week and DSS is such a lovely big brother to them. I'm lucky, I know I am. But I'm just so exhausted.

AngelDog Fri 23-Nov-12 22:59:11

crazy, I had a nasty feeling that getting up early might be the case. I'll stick with the PJ option! grin

Welcome, EMS23 and chezziejo.

I don't know how people cope with an older one age 2ish. You are all incredible to be at this point and all still alive. smile

DS1 has a bad cold (rivers of snot) and we've swapped bedrooms round in an attempt to stop him rolling onto DH a million times a night (they co-sleep). He's woken loads so far (he doesn't sleep well but rarely wakes during the evening) so it could be a long night. Poor DH's insomnia is playing up too.

DS2 has only been awake for 2 x 30 mins today so will probably want to party tonight. wink

chezziejo Sat 24-Nov-12 09:34:34

Morning all. Congratulations to all on their little ones too. Forgot to say yesterday blush

Dd fed 3 times overnight and settled straight away. We didnt sleep as we all still poorly but hope it stays that way. Still having trouble with ds he was quite emotional last night and having bad dreams early on but he was shattered. He baked some cakes with his dad in the morning and helped him put new table up. He's been through so many changes in last two months poor thing, I feel guilty that I've ruined his young life somehow sad well will just carry on with cuddles and reassurance. He's quite a shy emotional little thing anyway.
I'm having a block about going out as well as I don't feel very good breast feedin public. I'm not sure how to be discreet about it as she needs latching on a few times as well and I'm not one for getting my gInormous boomers out in public. Is that daft?

Hope every feeling well this morning.

crazypaving Sat 24-Nov-12 13:05:38

chezzie I hold on to the fact that we definitely haven't ruined DC1's lives - we've given them the best gift they could ever have. It just feels like their lives are ruined atm.

Welcome EMS! I also hated the first year of DS1's life and am wishing this next year away blush Hoping I can enjoy it a bit more this time but it is bloody hard and knackering.

angel good call re jammies grin I just don't function without my morning shower - for me, it's precious me-time. Daft priority probably when sleep could be had...

Starting to worry that DS2 is turning into a total mummy's boy and will never ever nap anywhere but in the sling on me confused The moby needs a wash desperately but it's the only way I can survive the days - do I have to buy another one so I can rotate in the wash, or what do I do? Anyone in the same position? Ridiculous problem!!

AngelDog Sat 24-Nov-12 18:56:58

crazy, I had that problem with DS1 - he wouldn't sleep at night unless he'd had a sling nap just before bedtime (and all other naps were in the sling too). One evening he pooed through his nappy & clothes & all over the sling. hmm Thankfully the day before a friend had lent me her sling to try so I could hastily wash ours.

Is there anyone you could borrow one from? You can hire them too - don't know where you live but we have a sling library near here & lots of places do hire by post. That's a bit of a faff, though - might be easier to buy a second and plan to ebay one when you know you're not going to want it again.

I used to think DS1 would never nap any other way but by 3.5 months I could rock or feed him to sleep and put him down. Take heart!

chezziejo, I'm having similar problems feeding out & about: I thought I'd be fine as I've always bf everywhere and still bf DS1 in public sometimes. But DS2 needs repeated attempts to latch before we get it right, and I just can't hold his arms out of the way, latch him on and hold a muslin/scarf in place all at once. Have you thought about one of those nursing covers?

chezziejo Sat 24-Nov-12 21:14:38

Thanks for that, have beer heard of nursing covers. Can anyone recommend a decent one? Looked at a few on amazon just wondered of anyone had and recommendations.

AngelDog Sat 24-Nov-12 22:51:29

No, never used one, I'm afraid - you could try asking on the breast & bottle feeding board though.

chezziejo Sat 24-Nov-12 23:01:16

Beer heard of? Perhaps I'm more tired than I thought , or a Freudian slip grin

AngelDog Sat 24-Nov-12 23:32:47

grin

lolalotta Sun 25-Nov-12 07:22:04

ChezzieJo I bought one of these breast feeding covers when my DD was a baby, it was very discreet when I just starting out, but TBH I only used it a few times as after a little bit I got the hang of a muslin, plus I only have tiny boobs! It was pricey though, I managed to sell it on eBay for about half of the price so it might be worth having a look on there! Good luck! smile

PamieRT Sun 25-Nov-12 09:24:25

I'm so glad I found this thread! I hope everyone won't mind me joining in so late. I'm reaching the end of the rope here and tearing up at the slightest stuff everyday.

DS1 is 18 months now and DS2 is just 2 weeks old.

DS2 is mostly good (so far), doing the usual newborn stuff - nursing, pooping, peeing, sleeping. Only thing is that he does nurse for a really long time each time, which adds to the problem.

It's DS1 that I'm really having problems with. He's usually a very good little boy with his fair share of toddler tantrums but nothing unusual or excessive. But ever since DS2 arrived, he's been acting out everyday. Saying NO to everything, tears and tantrums at the slightest things, gets upset when I nurse his baby brother. Even though DH is around to help (he works from home), DS1 mostly rejects him, and only wants my attention. Too bad DH cant nurse!

I've been giving in to lots of tv and YouTube time, which makes me feel like the worst mother.

I just generally feel like the worst mother to DS1 right now. I can see that he's unhappy and I try my best to spend time with him but I can't decide when DS2 wants to nurse or poop. DS2 is always in tears these days and it just breaks my heart. I feel like im coping terribly and it's all my fault DS1 is so unhappy which makes me unhappy and moody and also unfair to innocent DS2.

I'm sorry I'm rambling but I just really needed to vent a little.

chezziejo Sun 25-Nov-12 10:07:55

Bless you and congratulations by the way.

It's my elder ds who is the problem too. Dd is 7 days old today and he wanted to undo the poppers on her sleep suit at nappy time today which is a first and massive breakthrough for us. He's still not keen but small steps. He's also going to dad a lot as well which helps. Not much help I know but just try and keep going with reassurance, cuddles and act as normally as possible with a newborn in tow. That's what we do and it's slowly paying off. Cant think of any other solution to be honest and it is hard. As for tv time I must be the worst mum in the world as we moved house 4 weeks ago as well and manAged to get straight but let's just say if it wasn't for Thomas the tank DVDs I think we would be in dire straights. I'm still relying heavily on old Thomas now hmm

PamieRT Sun 25-Nov-12 11:25:28

Sorry I meant DS1 is always in tears these days. And by tears I mean long crying/screaming fits. Sigh.

chezziejo Sun 25-Nov-12 11:48:34

I guessed what you meant and have a hug while no ones looking and a biscuit and [ brew]

crazypaving Mon 26-Nov-12 13:32:32

Welcome Pamie and congrats! Nice to have someone else here! And much as I wouldn't wish this on anyone, so to speak, it's good to have other people in the same boat. I have very few rl friends with 2 DCs.

DS2 has been sleeping decently for the last 3 nights <whispers it as it surely can't last> He seems to have some sort of 6th sense in the day though - when it's mealtime or nappy change time or naptime for DS1 he'll wake up in the sling, pop his head out and scream in my face. It sends me slightly loopy, I lose my cool and poor DS1 finds it really hard.

This too shall pass.

Looking forward to the day I don't have to carry DS2 round so much in teh sling, as handy and relatively easy as it is. It's just if he does decide to cry it is right in my ear and it makes me go crazy - I find it really hard to keep my temper with DS when that noise is going on. And I have to pull tops down to breastfeed, whereas I prefer to pull up. Small detail but still.

Remind me - when do babies go longer between sleeps? I mean, aside from the evening fussathon. When can I stick him in his bouncy chair and leave him to it for a bit? At the moment he'll do 10-15mins tops and then he needs to go back to sleep. Luckily he sleeps quickly and soundly in the sling, thank the good lord.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. My childminder's back NEXT WEEK! [counting down emoticon]

Yes yes, I need to know when the bouncy chair will be an option too!!

Does anyone else feel as though they aren't really getting to 'know' their baby? Just coping, rather than actually watching and understanding what he/she wants? I think ds is particularly difficult - screams a LOT due to what I suspect is reflux (doc has given us infant gaviscon today) but I just feel as though I should understand him a bit more by now.

Feeling a bit sad today.

AngelDog Mon 26-Nov-12 20:39:21

Sleep usually improves at about 3 months, when babies stop going into REM sleep first (& so being easily wakened). Then they go straight into a deeper sleep at first. Also the biological clock develops more so they become more predictable with naps.

I think they really vary when they're awake for longer between sleeps. DS1 was AWAKE! after every feed from 3 weeks - and would be up for a good 2 hours at a time. (We now suspect he has some sensory processing disorder, which probably had an effect as he finds it difficult to 'switch off'). DS is awake for 1.5 hours (including feeding time) but that only happens once or twice a day. Plus the evening fussies, of course.

I love carrying him in the sling (and am just grateful he'll sleep!) but I'm also looking forward to being able to put him down occasionally. Tying my shoelaces and putting on DS1's shoes is so difficult with a baby strapped to your chest.

chezziejo Mon 26-Nov-12 20:49:15

Evenin all.

Hope your all having a better one than me. Ds went to nursery today and despite the usual screaming he was fine and enjoyed it. He came home And wanted sweets but said no because he's had too many lately to compensate for some big changes. Out fault not his but when I said no teas nearly ready he whacked me around the head. I just burst into tears and explained hitting is wrong and no sweets now. Dp backed me up And reiterated about hitting. He has been whiny and silly all evening but ate some tea and had fruit for pud. After tea was ok but coming up for bedtime I give him prior warning about pjs and he hit me three times. Tries to explain about hitting again and said no playing with my phone. He wouldn't listen and always screaming and trying to watch tv so turned Thomas off and said he needs to listen and know why he has been told off. nother tantrum so dp has said no Thomas tomorrow as he wouldn't apologise and have three chances to do so. Baby is fine, no trouble at all.

Sorry for long rant and moan just feeling very lost and tearful. So hope he grows out if this as its not like him really sad

crazypaving Mon 26-Nov-12 20:50:07

Angel god yes getting anyone's shoes on is such a palava! DS2 hates it when I bend over and goes a bit mental. Has a nasty habit of popping his head out just as I bend over...have horrible mental images of his little head dropping off....!!

CrazyHorse I was looking back at pics of DS1 at around this age. Had him in the bouncy chair giving me big beaming smiles - with DS2 he's only really out of the sling from 7pm onwards, and he ain't really in a smiling mood at that point....so yes, feel like he and I are missing out on each other at this point. Must say, I'm less worried about him than I am about DS1 - does that sound harsh confused Sometimes I worry that I don't really see DS2 as a person yet and am being too precious about DS1. Ah there's no getting it right, is there?!

crazypaving Mon 26-Nov-12 20:57:48

x-post Chezzie sorry today's been so rough sad Hope you're ok. Tomorrow's another day - I think compartmentalising (errr, is that a word??) things into hours/days/whatever, closing the lid and moving on is the only way to survive this. Step away from today, into a nice glass of wine ? grin and forget about it if you can.

I'd say perhaps 2.5 is a bit young to have punishments cross over into the next day? Particularly if it's a punishment that makes your life harder! i.e. banning a favourite babysitter TV prog. I may be wrong but I'd be surprised if he'd remember 1. that you stated the punishment and 2. why he is being punished.

fwiw DS1 is hitting loads at the moment. I always give a very firm "no hitting" and remove him from the situation. He gives me a really snarky defiant look sad each time but I figure at some point it's got to sink in. He whacked my DH in the face yesterday (it made a wonderful smacking noise on his cheek but that's beside the point) and he got firm "no" and put down, which is a very effective strategy as he hates being put down when he wants to be carried.

Hope it gets easier for you.

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