On becoming Mary Poppins... Toddler and newborn support thread #2

(883 Posts)
ThePinkNinja Thu 08-Nov-12 09:38:53

A place to continue the complaining conversation about the hair pulling days and sleepless nights fun and frolics of life with a toddler and newborn

debbie1412 Thu 23-May-13 14:06:31

I think your both saints to still be BF it makes me feel trapped. I'm about to take my 2 to a soft play centre. Thank god they do good coffee ( shame it's not wine )

Offcolour Thu 23-May-13 14:17:52

Debbie, I'm just really lazy and can't be bothered sterilising. I do feel really, really trapped at times though - am hoping I can have best of both worlds by giving ds the odd bottle of formula when i need to go out while still mostly b-feeding. He's 23 weeks so I don't feel too bad about it. We'll see how it pans out though - he may totally refuse it!

crazypaving Thu 23-May-13 20:16:11

I feel trapped too! Less so this time though, because I know it won't last forever. Although I am starting to wonder what I'll do when I go back to work confused And I'm definitely not a saint. I'm too lazy to sterilise etc, and too tight to pay for formula!

offcolour I'm not sure my pelvic floor could handle a run!

debbie I'm considering soft play tomorrow. I've never done it with both alone before - what do you do if DC1 gets stuck somewhere? I often have to help DS1 at soft play because he's really cautious, and I don't know what I'd do with DS2.

debbie1412 Thu 23-May-13 22:48:48

How long do u guys sterilise for I stopped at 5 months x

Offcolour Fri 24-May-13 11:34:29

I thought you always had to sterilise bottles? But am v ignorant as dd hardly ever had a bottle after 6 mo and ds has only had one! I don't sterilise syringes and stuff for ds. I just assumed you always sterilised bottles.

crazypaving Fri 24-May-13 12:35:50

I was told to sterilize bottles and dummies until 1. bottles because milk harbours bacteria, and dummies because of ear infection risks.

Offcolour Fri 24-May-13 13:04:32

So fed up of psychological warfare with a toddler. She's started wetting herself again after 2 weeks dry. No attempt to go to potty, not telling us there's been an accident. Just sitting in soakinh clothes waiting for us to notice. i'm sure this is connected to me putting her on the loo kicking and screaming yesterday because she said she needed a pee on the way home and then refused to go into the house, then refused to go to the loo after I'd raced home.

I put her back in pull ups and explained it was because she was refusing to use the potty and only big girls who used the potty wear big girl pants. i then awarded myself a giant chocolate button for going for a wee like a big girl. She asked to put big girl pants on again, we'll see if she actually uses the potty again....

I'm really pissed off with myself, feel like I keep sabotaging myself by losing my temper. It's hard, I've got a temper and my mother used to have terrifying temper explosions and I've learned from her, it's hard to reprogram myself. Being massively sleep deprived and generally a bit miserable doesn't help.

I don't feel like I'm being a very good mum right now.

Offcolour Fri 24-May-13 13:52:09

So she wet herself again, didn't tell me she'd had an accident. Asked her why and she said she did her pee and poos in her pants (i.e. she did it on purpose) properly lost it, out her in hall while I calmed down.

Brought her in to talk and she said she did it because she was cross with me for making her sit on the loo yesterday. We both apologised and had a chocolate button together. She then sat on the potty and did a massive poo.

I knew I'd fucked up yesterday, I try to talk to dh about when I fuck up but he never seems to understand that there will be a consequence and I just feel like I'm firefighting (very badly) the consequence of my fuck ups with no clear strategy. I think I get angry partly because I know that her regression is totally my fault, I'm so frustrated with myself!

crazypaving Fri 24-May-13 14:37:57

offcolour I get the rage too. it's awful. and you get into a cycle of it where the toddler's behaviour feeds off yours. it's so hard. at least you recognise it - is there anything you can do, like a strategy you can use when her behaviour is pushing your buttons and you're starting to see red? like, I don't know, diffusing the situation by pulling a silly face. probably a bad example, but maybe there's a better one you can think of?

it's normal to have a temper and it's good for your little girl to see a positive example of handling strong feelings, by apologising and not seething (outwardly!) for long periods of time.

I know it's so hard when you're in the thick of it and it's hard to think straight. I haven't started pt yet so no words of wisdom but I'm sure you can both get back on track. more hugs. you've had a tough week, be kind to yourself.

debbie1412 Fri 24-May-13 14:48:34

Off your being really hard on yourself you have a toddler who's playing to your weaknesses, a baby to look after. The weather is beyond depressing. I know what it's like going backwards with potty training it's absolutely infuriating when you know dam well they can do it. Let yest go its happend it's gone. Stop apologising to her it just gives her more power. There clever little things they know more than we think. Dh/dp have know idea what we go through I don't even bother telling mine the half of it I just get a bemused look from him it makes me feel silly .
Hope you have a good wkend x

Offcolour Fri 24-May-13 14:59:26

I'll think about what to do if I start losing it. Prob best to shut myself away and take deep breaths. I feel I've really handed her a trump card by losing it over accidents, now she knows exactly how to piss me off. I'll have to try really hard to ignore accidents from now on!

It honestly feels like warfare though, she's constantly trying to find new ways to piss us off, whenever we twig to ignore something she comes up with something new. I guess she's trying to tell us she doesn't get enough attention, but honestly, she gets a lot, read to and sang to every night, music, swimming classes, tots gym, I try to spend positive one on one time with her when ds is asleep.

When I'm feeling more positive I figure it's just her age not because I'm a crap mum. That's what her nursery teacher said anyway!

Offcolour Fri 24-May-13 15:05:02

Sleep deprivation is a huge trigger as well. I remember losing my temper big time a lot when dd was the same age as ds, prolonged sleep deprivation brings out all kinds of awfulness in me.

crazypaving Fri 24-May-13 17:16:36

me too, offcolour. you're not alone. and you're not a crap Mum either! wine tonight?!

Offcolour Fri 24-May-13 18:26:46

Thanks crazy. Yep, once I've got this pair to bed I'm having a large glass!

Met a lady today with a 7 mo and pre schooler whose husband was coming back from Afghanistan after 4 months. Makes me feel like a right wuss for getting stressed over one solo bedtime!!

Have a lovely bank hol everyone smile.

crazypaving Fri 24-May-13 19:34:27

just survived the most horrific bath and bedtime alone. dh rang at 6 to say he was running very late angry ds2 screamed throughout, ds1 tried to attack him continually and generally did the opposite of what I said the whole time.

I am really riled up and currently taking it out on dh. must calm down.

Offcolour Fri 24-May-13 20:27:52

Have some wine! I have a large glass. It's awful when you're not expecting a solo bedtime, you're so tired then you get the call...

My solo bedtime was ok, but, having used the potty/loo for a few hours dd wet herself on purpose again just before bed and said she did it because she was cross with me for shouting. I've put her back in pull ups. I'm just really, really sad.

mel191187 Fri 24-May-13 20:57:52

I have a 2.5 year old and am expecting a baby any day now and I'm really nervous about how my toddler is gonna be. He is a bit of a nightmare at the moment and a real handful. Worried how I'm gonna cope?! Any ideas or suggestions?

MrsRadicchio Fri 24-May-13 22:41:45

Hi, I've been lurking on this thread for ages - so long in fact that my "newborn" will be six months soon! Also have 2.10 yo ds1.

Its been a v reassuring thread, though I've never quite found the time to post... I wonder why.

Offcolour, I feel the same about ds1 that he wants more attention, hence bad behaviour, but he also gets loads. Ds2 is the ignored child!
I've found ds1's behaviour the hardest thing to deal with, in terms of having two. He just pushes every boundary. Keeping busy and staying out of the house seems to help.

Mel, I found using a sling v useful in the early days. Ds1 accepted ds2 well at first, I think cause he didn't really do anything. But now he interacts more, ds1 is getting jealous.

satsumagirl Fri 24-May-13 22:48:34

Off- you sound like you're being way more patient with the potty training than I am! Glasses of wine all round ladies. We deserve it.

Had a bit of a tough afternoon looking for clothes for job interviews with DD1 in tow (she's almost 6 months old). I still have stupid gigantic breastfeeding boobs (she's EBF) and it was a nightmare getting anything to fit. I have lost a lot of the baby weight but there's still a fair way to go! And Christ, I'm sick of not being able to do anything at all without children in tow. I am so resentful of DH. He's been out for drinks and dinner a few times with friends and work since DD was born. I had 1 night out which was a work event I was running. DD wont take a bottle so I'm chained to her and I'm fucking sick of it. Sorry to rant I'm bloody sleep deprived and pissed off.

satsumagirl Fri 24-May-13 22:51:35

DH has to go away with work 1-2 nights a month. I'm so envious of him. Wish I could go away sometimes.

Offcolour Sat 25-May-13 08:32:29

satsuma I dream of a night away on my own in a hotel. Dh actually suggested it.... As long as ds will take a bottle. Gonna try it today. I don't actually know if I could be away from him for a whole night though. Would definitely love a few hours!

I'm the same about dh going out too. He's been away for work and gas various work nights coming up inc an overnight stay at a super fancy hotel for top performers. We haven't really talked it over properly because I just sulked and said "when do I get a night out? Or even an hour?" But I feel bad because I'm sure his colleagues must think I'm a dragon/useless needy wife because he hardly ever goes to work things.

It's a bank hol so we've got three days together to undo all the damage I've done to potty training this week! Ds slept well and I'm having a lie in. It's been a tough week, so little sleep, ill, dd being a nightmare and it's the anniversary of mum's death tomorrow which has affected me more than I've realised. Next week is a new week though.

Offcolour Sat 25-May-13 12:25:03

Hallelujah! He's just guzzled up a bottle no bother at all! Now dd and I can go to her friend's 4th birthday party without ds! My social life is stepping up wink.

crazypaving Sat 25-May-13 13:04:49

oooh fantastic news offcolour! enjoy! perhaps not the kind of thing you were dreaming of, but time away nevertheless!

I desperately need new clothes. I've tried buying online but it's so hard choosing when you can't see them physically. all my jeans are either too big (hooray! lost weight!) or too tight (boo! more weight to lose!) so I look like a total shambles all the time. I've been pg and/or bf since Feb 2010 and my wardrobe shows it. I could do with a few hundred quid and a day to myself to hit the shops. neither of which are forthcoming!

I've got this ridiculous idea in my head that once ds2 is a year old everything will magically get better. it won't though, will it? sad I think ds1 started getting significantly easier around 18m. a year to go, then.

I'm also having serious problems with ds1 behaviour. it definitely goes in waves, and we've just hit a bad one. he is unbelievably defiant and obstructive. I find I have to be right on top of my game to handle him - preempt bad behaviour with strategies and distractions. who the hell can do that all the time on so little sleep and with a baby in tow? toddlers are bloody full on. on a good day I can do it - basically behave like a blue Peter presenter from dawn til dusk. we all have fun and there are no tears or tantrums. but I'm spent by the end of the day and if I wake up on the wrong side of the bed it just doesn't happen.

sorry, long random rant. am going to go off and dream of a night in a hotel while I hang up my third load of washing.

crazypaving Sat 25-May-13 13:06:30

sorry, on phone and am total scatterbrain. welcome new people!

Offcolour Sat 25-May-13 13:22:25

Defiant and obstructive - defines dd to the letter! Unless she has tons and tons of 1-2-1 attention. Which I can't give her most of the time.

I think it's just their age you know. I'm sure it will pass.

I do lots of on- line shopping and just send everything back!

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