Ectopic pregnancy support thread

(789 Posts)
tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 18-Mar-12 18:15:29

Hi everyone, this is a place for anyone who's had an ectopic pregnancy - whether you want to moan, cry, fret or just have a chat with other people who understand. I know there's lots of other good websites on ectopic pregnancies but after hijackingchatting with sunshine on another thread, I thought I'd start one here.

Well I'll get the ball rolling with my story - after a MMC in November (found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks) I was just getting myself sorted, having counselling, when I had the ectopic. I know I am lucky in that I have a lovely DD. Having had a normal pregnancy, I knew from the beginning this one was not good and as soon as I got a BFP I was down at the hospital.

After 10 days of mental torture, waiting around, scans, rescans, blood tests, it got too late for the methotrexate (they finally saw the ectopic in a scan on a Friday early evening and the methotrexate wasn't in stock hmm)

I finally had the surgery to remove one tube on the Tuesday. This was the end of February, at first I wasn't sure how I would cope, but I am just plodding on. I know I am lucky that it didn't rupture, but honestly I can't think of having an ectopic as being lucky. Especially after a MMC sad.

Anyway, come join me if you want to share your story, I have wine, brew and thanks

joby21 Tue 01-May-12 20:06:09

tired how are you feeling? Hope things are looking a bit sunnier for you.
tas I don't have any kids so can only imagine how hellish soft play is at the best of times, let alone when you're surrounded by bumps and babies.
We are ttc. We're not being full on militant about it, just kinda lazy shagging at roughly the right time! We hadn't been ttc for very long before the ectopic so have given ourselves 6 months of lazy ttc before getting a bit more serious about it all!

Hope everyone is doing ok!

tiredandiwanttogotobed Wed 02-May-12 21:27:30

Hi everyone

I've had a good few days. Work are being really good, I've told them what's happened and that I'm "emotionally fragile" and struggling to cope with any really stressful situations so they're being really supportive and I had a lovely weekend at work.

Life seems quite normal at the moment...long may it last!

How's everyone else? Hope you're all ok x

Countmyblessings Wed 02-May-12 22:22:34

Hi all - went on Monday for a routine scan due to my history to be told I have a pregnancie in a unknown location!
Prepped for surgery had to remove 7 week baby and my tube!
In total shock!!!!!! At home recovering!!!!
Seems just rotten that this happened on the 30th April the day I got my positive last year for the other baby I lost at 12 weeks!
3 losses now! The odds don't look great but I'm holding onto hope for a another try real soon! All my love and prayers to a baby filled future for us all xxxx

iloveberries Thu 03-May-12 07:20:39

Hi tired - glad your work have been so supportive. I've not told a soul at mine but actually i'm ok with that. Of course it does mean everyone asks when i'm going to have another but blah blah blah.

count - i'm glad you found this thread. Horrible for you to have to go through all this isn't it. Is DP looking after you? How are you feeling physically? and emotionally? Come and talk anytime xx

I am looking forward to next month when we can start TTC though sure the novelty will wear off pretty quickly!!

MrsFooty Thu 03-May-12 07:32:29

Countmyblessings, that was my history 2 mc, 1 ectopic (lost a tube), 4th pregnancy now a nutty 20 month old obsessed with keys, doors and windows. It can happen, just look after yourself now and rest up and recover.

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 03-May-12 14:33:43

hi all, tired glad you're having a good time at work, your colleagues sound very nice!

count so sorry, I know it's really hard - mc and ectopic are a crappy combination, hope you're feeling ok today, take it easy

mrsfooty that's lovely to hear, it gives me hope!

berries people are ALWAYS asking me if I'll have another one, sigh. Can't really hold it against them, sure I've asked people in the past, though it's certainly not something I'd EVER ask now.

I'm feeling a bit stronger now, more back to myself. We're TTC again, but I'm not holding out much hope. If DD is an only child, that'll be ok.

tiredandiwanttogotobed Thu 03-May-12 22:41:09

Count I'm really sorry to hear what you've been through, that's terrible sad. Please take it easy, try to rest where possible, be kind to yourself and cry when you need to. If you need to rant/shout/cry/vent your anger please do so here-everyone is very kind and supportive. We know how you feel x

mrsfooty it's always good to hear positve stories smile

Berries and Tas my managers have been lovely, I've tried not to tell many people at work but some people I have to tell (in case I suddenly burst into tears!). Good luck with TTC. Tas I'm glad that you sound like you're in a good place now smile

Hope everyone has a happy weekend wine brew

Countmyblessings Fri 04-May-12 23:59:31

Hi all TMI warning - I'm now bleeding! Should I be concerned?
I'm still taking co- codamol as I'm in so much pain do you think I should go back to the hospital? Or is it my period!!!
It's quite heavy and has taken me by surprise in all honesty!

MrsFooty Sat 05-May-12 08:25:07

No to be technical it's just the lining that had built up being expelled, they don't count it as a period.

HTH

iloveberries Sat 05-May-12 08:32:31

Hi Count, I had a lot of pain for a few days and wasn't back to normal for about 10 days.

Also a lot of bleeding which was very heavy for about 5 days i think.

Do go to docs if you're concerned though.

xx

Countmyblessings Sat 05-May-12 14:01:02

Thanks MrsFooty- yeh loads of cramping and clotting!
Really heavy period type going on!!! Painful!!!
I just want my body back to normal!!!!
All this is doing is reminding me my baby is gone!

joby21 Sun 06-May-12 12:05:23

count have you been given any diclofenac? I took that for 2 weeks as still had a lot of pain (probably not helped by the vicious cold i got). Bleeding is completely normal. I was told it would be like a quite heavy period.

Countmyblessings Sun 06-May-12 12:32:11

Joby 21 - yes I have been given Dicofenac sodium which I have been trying to avoid - don't like taken medication!
Just wish I could sleep and wake up for it to all be over!
I just still feel pregnant and I hate it!
A shame when I was having the op they couldn't do some lipo also would make me feel less pregnant!!!!! Wishful thinking!

iloveberries Sun 06-May-12 14:11:44

oh count it is horrible when you still feel pregnant too. I had swollen breasts for a week and every morning i would get out of bed and it would hit me, "oh, i'm not pregnant anymore". It will get better though, i promise. 2 months on and i feel so much stronger.

Allow yourself whatever you need to try and ease the pain. Mine was cake - every day smile

Thinking of you xx

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 06-May-12 19:10:32

oh yes I ate A LOT of cake, hope you're feeling better count, I know that feeling of just wanting to go to sleep and wake up a long time later, I also toyed with the idea of a lobotomy!! It does get better, take care of yourself x

Countmyblessings Sun 06-May-12 20:40:52

Still feel pregnant and feel guilty as I just want to stay in bed and do nothing all day! So grateful to my dd17 and my DH who are doing everything to help me! And so grateful to my ds2 who keeps rubbing me and saying " sorry mummy" and gives me bug kisses!
Which reduces me to more tears!!!!!!
The pain killers dull the pain but it's still there!
Maybe more mentally then physical though!!!
I feel like I should feel the pain, and don't know why??

joby21 Sun 06-May-12 21:05:04

count i would take diclofenac and paracetamol instead of the co-codomol. it's an anti inflamatory so probably better for the post op pain.

It definitely does get easier. I'm now nearly 5 months post op. The first month i was in a complete mess. Coukdn't face work, couldn't socialise, was in pain and feeling awful. Then one day i woke up and no longer felt rubbish, the incessant sound track that i had in my head ("i've had an ectopic, could have died, there is no baby") had switched off. I still had those thoughts but they weren't my total focus like they had been. Now i am in a place where we are ttc and feel like it is all behind us. You have to be kind to yourself, it hasn't been very long at all. And above all, do not blame yourself xx

Countmyblessings Mon 07-May-12 15:52:40

Joby - I'm so glad that your moving on and TTC, the doctors did say they could assist if I don't get pregnant again! But I didn't take in board that info as was just recovering from my operation and knowing they had to remove my baby!!!!! Feeling sad!!! 1 week on and feel so lonely and sad!!!

joby21 Mon 07-May-12 20:24:27

yep, they talked about thst with me at the time of the op. There was no way i could take it on board. We talked about it more at my 6 week follow up, things seemed a bit clearer then. Am sorry to hear you're feeling so lonely :-( Keeping fingers crossed you start to feel sunnier soon xx

Countmyblessings Mon 07-May-12 21:17:26

Wow 6 weeks seems like a life time away!!!
I just feel like I'm the only one dealing with it all the pain, and my feelings and emotions are all over the place!!!!
I just can't believe it's happened again!!!!!
Because of how I was feeling I didn't want to add my details on the December 2012 thread!!! It's like this baby was just not suppose to be!!
I just hate the fact that I was in no pain, no bleeding just wanted to see my baby!!! And it's all over, and chances now cut in half!!!
It was difficult before now I feel like I have a huge mountain to climb!!!

iloveberries Tue 08-May-12 09:00:48

hi count

i completely get how you are feeling. Having your baby, and your tube removed is like a double whammy. It is interesting that you had a feeling things weren't quite right. I was the same. Women are very in tune with their bodies I think. It is good that you had a scan and found out before you had to go through the trauma and pain of a potentially life threatening situation.

Like joby says though, you will feel better. It might not be today or tomorrow but someday you will be able to think about it, talk about it post on mumsnet about it from work (as i am now!) without sobbing about it. It will just become a part of your past and you will never forget, and probably always feel sad about it but the pain will become less acute. For me i just feel like it wasn't meant to be. I also knew from the beginning something wasn't right so I didn't feel too attached to the baby even though I was desperate for it to work out.

In the meantime here is a stat for you... 65% of women have a healthy pregnancy within a year of an ectopic. This might sound low but if you compare it with the stat for 2 tubed women who haven't had an ectopic they have an 85% of having a healthy pregnancy within a year of trying. And let's also remember that not EVERYONE who has an ectopic will try again. A dear friend of mine had an ectopic on a surprise pregnancy so she didn't try again after. So the odds aren't halved at all. It is really quite positive. And on your side you have the fact that you and your DP have already had a baby together in your lovely DS so you know you are compatible and that all is ok with him. You have to believe you will hold your baby in your arms one day. you have to believe it. I believe I will hold mine one day soon. It took a while to get here but I am here now.

Come and post here anytime. xx

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 08-May-12 20:18:27

berries is right count, your chances aren't cut in half. There are loads of people who have successful pregnancies after ectopic. But right now, just concentrate on looking after yourself, be very gentle with yourself, you've had a terrible time. It will get better.

Countmyblessings Wed 09-May-12 00:08:10

Thank you ilove for your research! In the future I really hope I'm strong enough to think of TTC. Just been talking to a friend and just talking was so hard but I felt like just getting through it was what I needed!
I'm seeing Gp tomorrow never had the chance whilst I was pregnant for the official booking in! Now I need to get a sick cert for work!
Hoping to be off for awhile to Heal & Deal!

Thanks for all the support it really helps!!!!

joby21 Wed 09-May-12 06:10:36

count I needed 5 weeks off work to heal and deal. Everyone needs a different amount of time so don't rush back before you are definitely ready.

tiredandiwanttogotobed Wed 09-May-12 23:58:28

Hi Count

First of all have a BIG HUG You really sound like you need it.

Are you going to have an appointment with a specialist? I've had an EP with a tube removed, followed by 2 early MC's, my appointment is end of this month. Unfortunately, because of my age, one DS and the area I live in I'm not eligible for IVF, and can't afford to pay for it, but I might have some luck from this appointment hmm

I had 6wks off work after my EP, 2wks after the first MC but after the 2nd MC I just felt I wanted to bury my head in the sand and carry on as normal. I have had a "wobble" at the beginning of this week (crying alot, not sleeping, struggling to cope at work etc) but as my mum told me-it's not surprising considering what I've been through.

Count-everyone is different but give yourself a couple of months before even thinking about TTC again. Although personally all I hear with every passing month is "tick-tock" of my biological clocksad

How's everyone else getting on?

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