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Premature Menopause Support Group...anyone ?

(258 Posts)
erilou38 Mon 02-Dec-13 10:51:23

Hi there. I'm just thinking about setting up a little group for us poor ladies going through premature menopause. My doctor tells me that menopause is considered premature if the woman is under age 40. I'm 38 and believe i have been in menopause since i was about 35. I had hormone blood tests a year ago that showed i was borderline menopausal...only age 37, i could hardly believe it!! Anyway i now have lots of symptoms: irregular periods, periods are lighter a nd shorter. Hot flushes at night in bed, heart palpitations, insomnia, vaginal dryness, feeling tired all the time, hair loss and hair is dry and brittle, anxiety and depression. Oh, and i almost forgot, forgetfulness as well!! I find this whole premature meno very distressing and alone very isolating. Women that i know who are around my age don't understand as they are not going through it. None of my friends are experiencing it yet so i can't talk to them. I feel very alone a nd frustrated and get tearful and angry, (menopausal moods swings to blame i would think!) I'm sure some of you ladies must feel the same. Apparently prem meno happens to one in every hundred women so we are in the minority. Just thought it might be helpful if we could chat and share our thoughts and experiences. Erilou x

Misfitless Mon 02-Dec-13 11:04:14

Can I sign up, erilou38?
I really need to get around to making an appointment to get bloods done. I think I just read on the other thread that I need to get blood test done on day 3 of period.
Thanks for the thread.
I've managed to alienate some of my friends along the way, by being a bit snappy and tearful at times sad. I've felt like I'm losing it on several occasions. It'll be good to come on here and support each other/seek support when we need it.
Did you start puberty really early?

erilou38 Mon 02-Dec-13 11:14:57

Of course, you are more than welcome Misfitless. I know what you mean about upsetting friends, i hardly ever see mine anymore as i think they got fed up with my moods and moaning about menopause symptoms! They just don't get it. Yes, you need to have your bloods taken on day 3 of your period. It's crucial that they are done on this day as that is when you will get the most accurate FSH reading. I started my periods when i was 12 but they didn't really get going properly until i was 16. I would only have a very light period every 6 months or so, then shortly after my 16 birthday they kicked in properly and i was always very regular, every 28 days until a few years ago when all this trouble started. How about you ?

Misfitless Mon 02-Dec-13 11:35:08

Well, I started when I was in year 3 of juniors (as it was then, or Y5 as it's called now), so I would have been 9/10. The older I get, and the older my DD's get, the more shocking that becomes!

The shitty thing, apart from all the symptoms that you've listed, is that people don't expect it to be happening at this age, so they just don't understand me (I'm 39); you mentioned feeling alone - I totally relate to that, it is very isolating.

If all our friends were going through it too, they'd be more understanding, we'd be able to support each other - even probably have a laugh about it over a coffee..they wouldn't think I'm an unhinged wreck who's actually not worth the effort anymore sad.

I'm really unsure of myself, feel like I have to be on my best behaviour and watch my Ps and Qs in case I accidentally annoy/insult somebody! I don't know if they think that about me, but I think that they think that, IYSWIM.

Let's just agree that if any hinges need un-hinging/tears need shedding, we'll come to this thread!

Thanks for the blood test info, even when I mentioned all this to the GP, and she said I should have a blood test, she didn't tell me about the day 3 thing! It's amazing what people know on here! smile

Suddengeekgirl Mon 02-Dec-13 14:38:35

I might be joining you ladies. confused

I'm 32 but in the last couple of months I've been having a lot of symptoms that match menopause/ perimenopause.

The most annoying ATM is the anxiety - I suddenly get stressed out about stuff that wouldn't normally bother me. Today a lorry tried to pull out in front of me on the motorway, normally I'd swear a bit and be fine. Today I had an instant knot in my stomach and was jumpy all the way home! confused

I'm having bloods taken next week to see WTF is going on!

Misfitless Mon 02-Dec-13 20:48:25

The anxiety,yy. I wasn't even aware that it was a symptom until it started happening to me. That would have freaked me out, Sudden, but then sometimes, when I'm having a particularly bad morning, the thought of leaving the house can freak me out wink.

Well, it's a shame you have to join, but welcome (even though I didn't start the thread)!

erilou38 Mon 02-Dec-13 22:58:04

With all the reading and researching that iv'e done on premature menopause for the past year i should be an expert on it by now LOL. Wow, Misfitless, you started your period so young. My middle daughter is 9 this year, she still seems like a baby, i couldn't imagine her having a period yet. That must have been very scary and unsettling for you at such a young age. I feel like you, i just wish i could talk about all this with my friends but they just don't want to know. A couple of them a have been a bit insensitive and actually laughed, saying that this only happens to women in their 50s and that i'm a dried-up old thing! Nice friends hey! Suddengeekgirl, i know what you mean about the anxiety when driving. This last few months i feel really nervous about going out in the car. I'm terrified i will hit someone or they hit me and i drive everywhere really cautiously and slowly. It's like i have no confidence with a lot of things anymore. Iv'e never been an outgoing person, always quite shy, but since this menopause stuff i find it harder than ever to talk to people and constantly worry i have upset or offended them. Do let me know how you get on with your bloods next week.

Misfitless Tue 03-Dec-13 06:57:09

It was pretty grim! I actually thought I was dying..didn't know anything about periods at that age, my mum had never been open about hers so I'd never seen evidence that it was normal.

shock So much for sisterhood! That's a horrible thing to say. I can't believe that, it's like something you'd expect someone like Bernard Manning to say. Thier time will come, and then they'll realise, by which time we'll have got through the other side. That's no comfort, though.

I do remember my mum going through it (I realise now that it was the mp, but I didn't at the time,) and thinking that she was just horrible, and was taking everything out on me. I think my DD1 was thinking pretty much the same about me last night!

Reading your posts, sudden and erilou, is like reading something I could have written myself. Driving...yes, confidence about everything ..yes.

My mil has been quite supportive, she told me that when she was going through the mp, she nearly crashed on the motorway once, and has never been able to face motorway driving since...she's 63 now.

I don't mind so much, that my fertility is dwindling, as there's no chance of me having any more DCs anyway (DH has put his foot down and it's fair enough); and apart from the odd spell, I've come to terms with that now.

But..but...I am fuming that we have to put up with all this shit!

After all the pmt, the periods, the pregnancies, actually giving birth, the breast feeding (which is lovely but hurts!) ...now this......W...T...F????

Misfitless Tue 03-Dec-13 07:01:42

It's so good to be able to say all this on here.

After that rant, I just had a grin to myself, that you two'll me pm-ing each other saying 'What's with Misfit...she's always moaning, taking things out on us...she's totally unhinged..let's not ask her next time we meet up for a virtual brew and cake!

smile

Suddengeekgirl Tue 03-Dec-13 08:22:50

Misfit - shock

Very unlikely as this thread will be all of us moaning at the irritations/ frustration/ misery our hormones inflict upon us!

SomethingkindaOod Tue 03-Dec-13 11:15:33

Thought I might look in here... I bring wine and cake!
I'm 38 and think I need to get my bloods done, am getting hot and cold flashes, weird periods, still very regular but shorter - flooding for 2 days then dribbling for another 2 and that's it. I thought at first it was because I'm using washable pads which apparently can change the flow but it's been going on for nearly a year now. Anybody noticed a change in smell during periods? It smells heavier this last couple of times, no matter how many times I clean myself I feel like I stink ATM sad
Anxiety and stupidly behaved hair are wrapping up my symptoms.
Joy of joys...

erilou38 Tue 03-Dec-13 20:02:52

My anxiety is awful and my hair looks like shit! It'sa bad hair day every day, it's so dry and brittle. I think i'm feeling even worse about all this as i desperarately wanted a baby with my husband who has no children of hie own. I just feel heartbroken and empty as i haven't been able to complete my family and give my husband the child he wants. Feel such a useless, dried-up old hag. Having lots of hot flushes at night now and having vaginal dryness. Supposed to be starting fertility drugs in December to try and boosts ovulation but what good will it do as i have no eggs left. Feeling very down and very miserable and like i'm going crazy. It's nice to be able to come here and talk to you guys.

erilou38 Tue 03-Dec-13 20:05:34

Misfitless...feel free to rant on here anytime! I know i will be on here crazing you poor ladies with my moans and tantrums!!

Happiestinwellybobs Tue 03-Dec-13 20:15:04

I think I may be joining you. I'm 36 and was told 4 years ago that there was fat chance of conceiving after trying for 8 years at that point (FSH 25, AMH 0.7). Thankfully we adopted smile I am suffering with night sweats, forgetfulness, mood swings, weepiness and a complete loss of libido. 2 out of my last 3 periods have been flooding then little afterwards. This month was horrendous as soaked through my clothing as I raced to get home.

I suppose I should go and get checked out again. I'm fed up sad

erilou38 Tue 03-Dec-13 20:30:48

Oh bless you, i do feel for you. Just 32 years old and told that you are menopausal and will never have a child, that must have been heartbreaking. It 's lovely though that you were able to adopt. I was very fortunate to be able to have children but it is still painful as my husband really id want his own child, he is fantastic with my kids. It's such ashame. The menopausal symptoms are just awful aren't they. If the fertility drugs don't work, which is highly unlikely that they will i am going to go to my doctor and ask for HRT and possibly anti-depressants. I was advised to take HRT a year ago as my FSH level was 20 but i refused as i wanted to try for a baby.

Fuem Tue 03-Dec-13 20:49:45

FINALLY people who know what I've talking about the last 3 years. I had a hysterectomy at 38 and over night was in the menopause. It's been everything you've all been saying. Total nightmare. I've been on elleste solo for 6 months now which have helped with the hot flushes and anxiety, I've even been able to start a new job and meet new people. So there is light at the end of the tunnel smile

erilou38 Tue 03-Dec-13 21:08:22

Hi Fuem. Have you had hair loss and does the medication help with this ? I also have a 'dryness' problem down below so need something to fix this also. Do you have a period-type bleed every month ?

Fuem Tue 03-Dec-13 22:30:32

Hi erilou38 I haven't noticed hairloss but do have thick hair so May not have noticed. To be honest I think the dryness has got worse since being on the hrt but I don't think that is supposed to happen. I don't have periods since the hysterectomy, they took out my ovarys, womb and cervix, I don't miss them just the hormones.
My friends were pretty much the same, I thinks it's only out of ignorance and not to be insensitive, my lovely best friend of 30 years had a baby this year and kept bleeting on about how fertile she still is bla bla bla, I gritted my teeth and just tried to enjoy her pregnancy with her, I love her little one to bits. Things do improve gradually, but I still find it hard to except this has happened 10 years too soon
I hope your treatment works, keep us posted. In that respect I'd finished my family so it wasn't a issue. x

devonsmummy Tue 03-Dec-13 22:41:59

I'm 39 & think I'm going through early menopause.
Mood swings, tiredness, insomnia, hot flushes, night sweat (just once) periods getting closer - from 28 days down to 21/23 and occasionally 13 days. Spotty, bloated, big weight fluctuations.
I made an appointment with gp & all he said was
We don't do blood tests until you havent had a periods for a year.

Is that right?
I thought HRT was prescribed to stop the 'joys' of menopause - surely you're through the worst by the time your periods have stopped?

Fuem Wed 04-Dec-13 13:35:39

iv just been told about the daisy network which supports people though the menopause etc. so I thought I'd pass it on smile

erilou38 Wed 04-Dec-13 21:50:21

Iv'e heard of the Daisy Network too Fuem, think i may check that out. Devonmummy - No, that's not right!! Your doctor should be doing hormone blood tests now! What with all your menopausal symptoms you should be having acycle day 3 FSH test. If your FSH is high on day 3 of your period it indicates you are in menopause. A lot of doctors dismiss women under age 40 as being menopausal as they believe they are far too young. I kept going back and forth to my doctor for over 2 years but they just wouldn't take me seriously. You need to go back again and ask for this blood test. I think menopause symptoms do settle down once your periods have stopped for ayear or two. Although, i'm told that the hot flushes can go on for many years. My husband's Nan is in her early 80s and still has hot flushes! My doctor advised me to take HRT over a year ago when i was just 37 as my FSH was high. Iv'e been trying for a baby for 17 months though so i didn't take the HRT. Still not pregnant and as i'm in meno i doubt it ever will! Think i will give it a try in the new year though as my meno symptoms are driving me up the wall!

lolaisafuckertoo Wed 04-Dec-13 22:29:09

I am 46, hysterectomy 4 years ago. left the ovaries. the sweats are becoming hilarious. bought a sort of showercap thing for nights cos I wake up sopping wet from the scalp to me toes. I would fight the pope if he looked at me funny. waves of anxiety. have had a funny mammogram, ultrasound and another tit fest this afternoon. I think I am out of calmness right now. If I hear mummy one more time I might run into the wall....would everyone just shut the fuck up. I knoe 46 isn't young compared to 32 and mid 30's, its just I thought I would get a bit longer before all this started. the gynae is looking to remove ovaries and cervix. not sure which part of me to e most concerned about at the mo

erilou38 Wed 04-Dec-13 23:51:02

Arrrgh...i cannot sleep tonight! don't want to go to sleep as i know that within half an hour i will be awoken with heart palpitations and sweating and roasting!! I'm very dry 'down below' also which is making me sore and uncomfortable. Think i'm going to have to have the HRT ASAP!

Suddengeekgirl Thu 05-Dec-13 21:01:45

<sigh>
I've had a miserable day. Snapping at the dc. Getting the rage at everything! No patience at all (can you see how my day has gone in a downward spiral now)
I'm tired and spotty and have itchy skin.
I've been stressing about the wind here (not normal behaviour for me) and about snow that may/ may not be forecast for Monday.
I want to crawl into bed and stay there for a month!

I don't know if this is menopause yet - if it is then I'm upset because I don't want to be old already! If it isn't then WTF is going on?!?

Bloods are being taken next week which I think will be CD 14. Not ideal for FSH reading but my cycles are not at all predictable so impossible to book anything to suit.

<sigh> I can't even binge on chocolate as I'm getting over an awful ibs attack that I'm sure is linked to my hormonal fucked-up-ness.

Do I win the prize for most grumpy MNer today?

erilou38 Thu 05-Dec-13 21:11:43

Oh god, the dreaded IBS!! Iv'e had it on and off since my late 20s but since iv'e been in menopause it has got much worse. I pretty much have it all the time now, always feeling bloated, burping and passing wind (sorry too much info!). I know what you mean about the irregular cycles and not being able to plan ahead. Mine range anywhere between 28 and 42 days, which the odd 20 day cycle thrown in. Iv'e had the day from hell too! Felt tired and worn out, probably cos i was up most of the night with those bloody hot flushes and the uncomfortable dryness in my lady bits. Iv'e been grumpy with the kids and irritable with the kids and had a couple of crying spells. It 's like having PMT all the bloody time! It has made me feel really old, this should not be happening to us!!!! I wouldn't have minded if i had been late 40s, that would have been acceptable but not 30s!! A women is supposed to be in her prime in her 30s. I just feel like a dried up old hag!.l

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