I've name changed as I know ex checks out my online activity and I don't want him seeing this yet, please don't out me if you recognise me!
Before I start, I know that DD is far more fortunate than many DC's as her Dad does care about her, spends time with her and financially supports her. I am not suggesting for one minute that she would be better off without him around, but I'm hoping that I'm not the only one who has ever felt the way I do at the moment, and ask for advice from those that have, or are, in the same position as me.
Since ex and I split 3 years ago, we have had 50:50 care of DD (11). She spends a week with each of us. It hasn't been easy, and there are days when I regret not following my solicitors advice and seeking a less equal split of care. 
My ex has, from the outset, made choices which appear to be an attempt to exclude me from my DD's life. He arranged for her mail to be forwarded from the family home to his new address, he tried to change her GP to one nearer his new home, and he changed her primary place of residence with the school and local Children's Services Dept to his new address, arguing that he has as much right to as I do.
He has also established a much closer relationship with my family than while we were married, which they have supported by ensuring that their family events - such as weddings and christenings - are scheduled at a time that means that DD attends them with him, rather than me.
When he decided that he no longer wanted DD to walk to my house after school each day until he finished work (which was the regular arrangement) he didn't talk to me or DD in advance about it, he went to a solicitor and arranged for a letter to be delivered to me after DD had gone to school on the day it was going to happen and the first DD knew of it was when her Dad turned up to pick her up from school.
There have been literally dozens of incidents, which taken individually seem fairly innocent, but when put together, become a pattern of behaviour that seem to be designed to minimise my role in DD's life.
Ex arranges and takes DD to all her dentist appointments - occasionally he will email me to tell me what has been said. I asked him for details of the dentist DD sees recently, and he emailed me back to say that he thought he was in charge of her contact with her dentist. (He did provide me with the details when pushed, though).
When DD told her Dad that she and I had been planning her first solo bus journey the following week, he arranged for her to take a solo bus journey before she saw me next.
When DD asked him if she could spend an extra day with me because a friend of mine had offered to introduce DD to her own DD and friends who she will be going to secondary school with, ex made direct contact with my friend (via her place of work) and arranged to drop DD off and pick her up himself.
When DD asked her Dad for her passport so that she could open a bank account that she and I had been talking about, he took her to open a different account before she next saw me. (he has her passport & her Birth Certificate, oh, and her baby box with all her scans, hospital bands, formal baby photos etc in, which he took when he moved out).
I have tried to take the high ground, tried not to allow it to bother me, tried to keep DD's best interests at the forefront of my mind, but it is really, really hard.
On the one hand - does it make a difference to DD? She is still doing all the things she wants to - it's just that she does them all with her Dad, not me. On the other hand, is his desire to be involved in everything creating a superficial relationship between DD and myself?
He has a right to know what is going on in her life; but when he is told by DD or myself of plans that we have together, he then ensures that she has that experience with him first, instead.
Am I alone? Mad? Stupid to worry about it?
Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.
Lone parents
Is anyone else being pushed out of their DC's lives? Does it matter?
SidelinedMum · 14/06/2012 20:58
Oh, I'm invited to family events as well, they are just scheduled for when DD is with my ex; he takrs DD and his fiancee and stays with them occasionally, too.
My relationship with my parents is understandably strained - but i have always made it clear that I would ensure that DD continued to be close to them, but they prefer to maintain that contact with DD through her Dad, not me He took DD to a recent family christening 100 miles away, that I also went to - he spent all his time with my parents and they only exchanged a few words with me
As for going to the dentist together; , I've stopped agreeing to go 'with' him to things even when he suggests it as it becomes a bit of a circus - he takes his fiancée and often his mum and/or sister/SIL along too and justifies it by saying that it's 'nice' for DD and he has every right to
I am going to write to the dentist, explaining that I expect to be asked for permission (as well as her Dad's) before DD has any treatment, though.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Eugh.
just had to attend the moving-up meeting at the secondary school - and yet again, ex was in fine form.
DD has been with me all day today (school closed, ex at work, so despite it being her week with him, she and I spent the day together). But, ex insisted that she was dropped back to him at 4pm, even though we were all attending the same meeting at 6pm 
.
Before I had even arrived, ex was sending me texts from the school, trying to confirm a time that I could attend the uniform appointment fitting that he was arranging with the official suppliers!
As soon as I arrived, he was practically on top of me, demanding to know whether the date he had picked was OK with me. I have previously had to insist that we arrange a single fitting as he wanted to arrange one with just him for the extra uniform that he is going to buy her. We do have an agreement that he pays me via the CSA and I provide him with everything DD needs at his house - but he is ignoring that and spending extra because he wants to be fully involved. DD (quite understandably) doesn't really want to go through two fittings, and definitely not one with just her Dad!
He was also waving a form in my face; which he has been given when he registered on arrival and asked to check and confirm the details - it contained details of all DD emergency contacts, medical details etc that had been supplied from DD's primary school. Ex had told me that he has made all the changes needed and was going to take off the emergency contact that I had listed as it was no longer necessary!
He then commandeered my DF (the one he made direct contact with about DD spending time with her daughter) and tried to make arrangements on DD's behalf for the DC's to meet outside at a certain time, walk in together etc. The DC's were trying to sort it out themselves, but he kept butting in.
He then insisted that my friend and her DD sit with him, his stbDW and DD during the Principles presentation. I'm afraid I left them to it at that point - my DF managed to extract herself - but I wouldn't blame her if she kept her distance from me in future
After the presentation, I saw DD with her Dad again, and spoke to DD, asking her if she wanted to meet any of the school staff who were available to chat. Before DD had a chance to answer, ex butted in and very aggressively said they (he, his stbDW and DD) were all going to see them together once he had given the form back. He was quite rude about it, and DD looked really uncomfortable.
So, I said my goodbyes to DD and left, rather than make a scene in front of her - but not before arranging for the school admin team to send me a copy of the registration form so I can ensure that the emergency contact I want to provide the school with is recorded.
He has now emailed me telling me that he was stunned and upset that I had invited DD for a tour of the school without talking to him first - and that "DD was there under our care (meaning him and his stbDW) and that our plans were being followed".
Oh dear
Actually, DD was there under the care of both of you - it was a special event for HER, and she is entitled to have both her parents with her. So what if it's theoretically 'his' time?! And why was his new partner there?!
I bet your DD was uncomfortable because of him - he doesn't seem like the kind of dad she'd feel strong enough to tell her own opinion.
Keep fighting to stay involved, even if you think you shouldn't. Lay down the law - she is your DD, of course you will attend key events in her life. Is he going to expect her to have 2 weddings when she marries?!!
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