Expats, what are your pet peeves about your family abroad now ?

[expatinscotland]

Mine would have to be people who say they'll come at a certain time, so you go all out planning.

Then they cancel it for some lame ass reason.

I stopped planning, I just get on with it and plan our own deal and if they make it over and fit in, great, if not, fuck it.

[brimfull]

Mine is my mum always comparing the prices of things,saying it's soo expensive here.Well there used to be a marked difference and property is certainly more£££,but generally stuff is about the same now.We're in a world economy .
But heh she'll never change.

[FrogPrincess]

hi expat!
have to go to bed, but I have lovely brothers who don't realise they could actually phone me once in a while, and one out of the two who hasn't realised how useful e-mail is
I do love then but grrrrrrrrrrrr

[brimfull]

Agree expat-my db was meant to come over this easter ,so I cancelled our weekend visit to friends.He's not coming now ....bastard!

[expatinscotland]

I just got off the phone with my mother. I told her I was really sorry her grandchildren got in the way of her busy social life.

But from now on, we were just going to live our lives and plan accordingly and if that fit in w/them, fine, if not, oh well.

I'm sick of planning my entire summer around their social commitment, especially when next summer is the last year DD1 will be in nursery, so after that we won't be able to just run off.

She had gotten all huffy with me, 'Well, what, I can't just pop over for a few days to visit if I find a cheap fare?'

I said no because she knows damn well I can't just swan off from work and drop everything.

She forgets that not everyone can swan around at their own whim.

[expatinscotland]

Oh, yes, ggirl! I get the comparisons from my sister.

She's been here once in 5 years. I went for years and years w/o seeing her.

The whole time she kept saying, 'How can you live like this?'

Well, fuck, I don't know, I just keep breathing.

[brimfull]

My mother does currency conversion with gay abandon.If I buy something for £30 she'll huff and puff saying,can't believe you just spent $150cda on that ..wtf? I can no longer be bothered to argue.

[superloopy]

I get pissed off at the lack of communication I get back from my family and friends.

They all seem to be happy to chat if I call, accept my emails/letters/card when I send them and happily accept birthday and Christmas presents from me.

Apart from my Mum and Dad I rarely get anything back of even a thank you. It especially hurts when they don't acknowlege my DD on her birthday or Christmas. My Mum makes up excuses that I chose to go away so I can't expect people to stay in touch. Pisses me off, the world really is a much smaller place these days and communication is cheap!

Lazy buggers!!

[admylin]

Worst thing with us is dh's family. He's one of 10 brothers and sisters and they live all over the world and have very good jobs infact a couple of them are rolling in it but not one of the "rich" ones has bothered to come and visit and meet the kids - we were a student family up to a year and a half ago so couldn't afford to fly around the world.
Then one of his sisters came to stay for a month and she was never off our phone. I had to take it with me in my handbag when I went out to stop her phoning all her beloved brothers and sisters. Funny how she never bothers to phone us when in her own home!
Now dh is saying he wants to go and visit his 2 oldest (and richest) brothers in USA but I really don't feel like it. Would rather spend the money on a nice holiday just for us then he makes me feel selfish but that's family!

[DaddyCool]

it's not my in-laws in the UK that bother me. It's my night-mare family over here that are killing me. they are a complete liability.

[Rosa5]

I just give up on trying to explain to ILs why am doing things just a bit different to how things are done here..and that maybe my way could be ok and that in the UK children do grow up to be happy healthy as well!

[paulaplumpbottom]

I get the ivisibility thing to. I have to agree that DH's family can stress me out more, cultural diffrences I guess.

[MuckyAnthea]

God I can relate to loads mentioned on here.
The 'invisibility' part is the most hurtful thing I think. My Gran died, and everyone forgot to tell me. It slipped out when I called home, 7 months later. I was distraught, I never had the choice to go to the funeral. It happened again when my Grandad died, then my uncle. Needless to say, I kind of gathered where I stood with regards to 'being thought of' and now just get on with my life and don't worry about what goes on at home anymore. My boyfriends family have been more of a family then my own thats for sure.

Also, friends have turned against me because they know I don't have to work, and have a cleaner etc. The thing is, there is very little work here I can do, so I don't have a choice like I would in the UK. Also everyone has a cleaner here, its acceptable because you are giving someone a job. Mine loves me because I tidy up before she comes, and she knows I value her so much. Its hurtful I have lost communication with friends I knew 10 years before we came here, simply because of reasons like this. I am still the same person I was, I just live a different life to them.

Which takes us onto the next thing - we have had one great friend who came to see us 4 years ago, and since then a cousin came to stay, but only because he was backpacking and was a complete lazy arse, you could not get him out the house. It turned out he stayed with us for so long because he was saving money on backpackers. Never again. And thats it - the number of people who have been to stay with us while we have lived here for 5 years - 2.

Sorry I went on a bit, as you can see, I have issues. But nothing I can't handle. Life is perfect otherwise.

[hana]

mum always tells me the time when she calls, and then outloud adds on 4 hours and tells me the time in the UK (thanks mum) even when she leaves a message

she goes on and on about how SMALL everything is here, how we live in a tiny house and have no storage and that's why we don't have a lot of clothes for the children or a lot of toys, etc etc (this she tells everyone who will listen to)

and the price of things....one of her things to do when she is visiting is to go to Tescos and compare prices of everything I put in the trolly

but of course this is nitpicking......!!

[Ivor]

I hate being expected every year to spend our annual holiday back in the UK travelling round seeing everyone. We travel 3000 miles and then some of DH's so called mates can't even be bothered to show up at the pub and then he defends them, ohhh makes me made.

[Ivor]

that should be makes me mad not made, really should read through my posts before clicking OK

[DaddyCool]

... but the thing that anoys me hana is that food is more expensive in Canada! Ask her how much she pays for a bl**dy stick of butter! (grrrr)

[Earlybird]

What I find fascinating is the complete lack of curiousity (or indeed, interest) regarding our lives. I'd be fascinated - and would want to know all about the differences - in my mind, it's an amazing opportunity to gain insight into day to day life in a different country. Mine never ask. It's as if I've been living 30 miles down the road.

And, no one has ever visited me here - except my cousin who was sent by her company on a business trip.

[DaddyCool]

and yes, out of sight, out of mind. my dw emails her friends and very rarely gets responses back.

[DaddyCool]

oh absolutely earlybird, but i'm getting that kind of thing from my family over here! you'd think they'd be interested in how my DW is settling into Canada and how I'm doing returning after ten years. but nothing. and no help whatsoever either.

[MuckyAnthea]

Ditto on the lack of interest in the culture/or life you lead/the country you live in. Mine just aren't interested one bit. I find it amazing. I don't even talk about where we live anymore, everyone is more interested in telling me about their next door neighbour having a new cooker fitted.

We too spend our annual holiday going back to see the family, I get moaned at for not being able to stay longer, but they would never get in their car and come and see me at my boyfriends parents house, no. I have to get a train to them, for one day because there is no where for me to stay, and I am not paying for a hotel no way. Absolutely not. God this pains me...I wish I had a bottle of wine right now.

[Ivor]

After a particularly hellish visit back over Christmas we are making a stand. We've booked our holidays for this year and they are not in the UK, ha.
Soooo looking forward to it.
Must admit, my family is great, always keep in touch and all been over to visit, all want to come over again.
My SIL is another story, she lived in New York for 7 years so she always compares Michigan to New York, like comparing a kettle with a fish!

Do you find some of your old friends actually resent you for trying something new?

[MuckyAnthea]

Thank god Xmas is not celebrated where we live, otherwise we would be taking our annual trips back then, and to be honest as much as I love my boyfriends family, I just could handle the xmas celebrating.

Does anyone else feel claustrophobic sometimes when they go back? My bf's sister turns up on the door at 8.30am every single day when we are back.

And yes, I think some people are resentful, perhaps jealous - although thats a strong word. But yes, they do tend to treat you differently.

[MuckyAnthea]

I just could NOT handle the xmas celebrations

[foxinsocks]

oh DaddyCool - sorry to hear you're not having a great time. How's work going and how's dw doing?

My only pet peeve is about my sisters and how they get to spend about 6-9 months on the beach. I don't call them that often but when I do I always get a breezy 'ooh, I'm just putting some more cream on and watching the boys in the sea' normally as I'm in the thickest coat possible and staring at yet another grey sky!

My friends (from abroad) can't understand how we live in such a small house! Err because houses the size that they are abroad cost millions, that's why!