I wanted my previous thread to be deleted but for some reason it wasn't, however i'm feeling like I need to just get all this out somewhere. It's taken a lot of guts to post again, all my confidence has gone today for some reason.
I don't even know what to say now, but I am frustrated that I am not getting anywhere. I am regarding therapy and appts, but not mentally. The past few years have been up and down, up and down. The downs are getting worse and more often, the ups are happening less. Always been told therapy is what I need, but my unhelpful cpn said I won't get it while i'm tearful. I have an appt for it in a couple of weeks though.
Social services are now involved, anxiety is through the roof. I don't trust anyone anymore, feel I have no one I can be totally honest with, and I know i'm sinking again. The down periods are taking over, with no explanations. I have been looking for jobs, seeing friends, doing a lot with dd, but that's when I realise no matter what I do, this bpd is always going to be lingering, taking over, until I can take it no more.
I was really struggling a couple of months ago, but at least I was more open then, and able to ask for help. I feel I can't now, I clam up, I feel vulnerable and paranoid. Even in my garden earlier I feel like people are watching me.
I don't want to sound like i'm repeating myself, but I feel like i'm waiting for the right time to end it, it's what keeps me going if that makes sense.
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Mental health
Ashamed to be here
124 replies
GracieLoo · 29/06/2013 21:19
OP posts:
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