Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

1 2

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

Is anyone around?

31 replies

Gahsickofit · 29/03/2011 22:15

i'm really not doing very well tonight :(
Just waiting for pills and beer to make me sleepy so I can go to bed, if they don't work, I don't know what will happen. I've been asking for help for days, I'm so sacred of losing it again. Thing is, when I am well, they all say I am really aware and it's great that I know my illness so well, but even then I say that when I have a relapse, it happens fast, within a day or two. I have been ringing them up now for two days to say I need help, and they sauy they will ring back and they don't.

Every day I get closer to the edge and pull myself back from totally losing it. I'm doing everything right - breathing slowly, acknowleding intrusive thoughts and hallcinations but not obeying them, eating properly, trying to get sleep, not forcing myself into situations that I know are high risk, and taking my pills like a good un, but still I'm getting worse.

Last time I lost it I had to spend the night in a police cell, screaming.

OP posts:

Report

madmouse · 29/03/2011 22:16

I'm here and I've just read your other post but didn't have anything useful to say. But you're not alone

Gahsickofit · 29/03/2011 22:17

Thanks. I think I just need to chat for a bit, and hopefully I'll clam down.

OP posts:

madmouse · 29/03/2011 22:19

talk to me as much as you like - it sounds pretty tough to be you and to an extend also to be your dh when you're not well.

I had a bit too much today so I'm a bit emotionally unstable but I can listen.

madmouse · 29/03/2011 22:20

too much emotion I mean - not alcohol!!!

Gahsickofit · 29/03/2011 22:24

Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal, but I keep thinking of suicide - does that make sense? It's kind of reassuring that the option is there, even though I wouldn't take it.

OP posts:

Gahsickofit · 29/03/2011 22:28

I feel really self harmy too. Thing is, I kind of know that I should go to bed, but I'm too scared that the death skulls that I was hallucinating will come back. But they aren't real delusions if I know they aren't real, right?

They are bloody scary though.

OP posts:

madmouse · 29/03/2011 22:29

I was the same for a long time when my PTSD was bad. Once I actually walked away planning to never come back but managed to text a friend who found me and sorted me out. But for a long time after it was an option I had for when it would get too much. It very rarely happens still now. But I have to stay here for ds so it is not going to happen.

madmouse · 29/03/2011 22:30

If you really see the skulls even though you knew they were not real they are still real hallucinations.

Gahsickofit · 29/03/2011 22:35

It's odd, it's like I will see them out of the corner of my eye, have a jolt of shock, and then look right at them (it's skulls and also like a cartoon death - also skulls like the damian hurst one with diamonds) and when I am looking at them, I kind of think "oh, what a strange thing, a skull, but it can't really be there, because that would be silly, I must be having a halluncination" but then I get scared of having hallucinations, if that makes sense.

I don't know why I halluncoinate art. a couple of years ago I used to see anthony gormly figures. You know the ones on the beach? I have always loved the angel of the north - it is basically a big one, but for some reason the ones I saw were more sinister, nearer in spirit to the angels off doctor who.

And then I had a phase of seeing rothko style squares sverywhere - big forbording square, looming there.

Thing is, I'm not even all that into art, and those three are some of my favourite. Obviously I should spend less time in art galleries... :/

OP posts:

NanaNina · 29/03/2011 22:41

Gahsickofit - is it depression that you are suffering? I too am suffering from same illness - lots of ups and downs - not good at the moment. Re thinking of suicide - I do this lots and lots and it's very usual in depression. Mostly it's what the medics call "suicide ideation" which means that we think about it but will not do it. On the other hand it is always a risk in severe depression. Are you on meds, getting any help from GP/CPN or anyone else connected to mental health services. Who is it that you are ringing that are not replying?
I think the self-harmy thing comes when you just feel that you want to do something to take away the emotional pain of depression. I usually have a rant at myDP and get irrational when this happens.

Hi Madmouse - seems neither of us in a very good place at the moment.

Gahsickofit · 29/03/2011 22:42

I don't know what to do. I think I am calming down. I've only had half the can of beer, that's not enough to make anyone drunk, but I want to rest to calm me enough to sleep, but what if it just makes me brave enough to go ff on one?

I think they think that my "episodes" are drink related, but they aren't - I drink when i start feeling anxious and seeing things because it is so damn horrible, then when I am drunk, I lose some anxiety, but that is enought to let the rest of it come to the top and so I start acting really mad, instead of being quietly mad and not bothering anyone. Thing is, it starts off feeling great.

OP posts:

Gahsickofit · 29/03/2011 22:43

I'm on medication and having treatment for bipolar with psychosis.

So sad to see so many people not happy :(

OP posts:

Gahsickofit · 29/03/2011 22:44

Re ringing - it is my mental health team. Problem is, my care coordinator is on holidsay, so the dr told me to ask for him when I ring, but he is always busy.

OP posts:

madmouse · 29/03/2011 22:45

sounds like you are more arty than you think - but to be honest if you saw a lot of something else you would probably see that.

Does your cmht/cpn know you hallucinate?

Gahsickofit · 29/03/2011 22:48

I think they think it had stopped- I am under a special team for psychosis (ie hallucinating) but it seemed to have stopped and beocme more straight forward bipolar, but I don't seem to be on a high or a low atm.

OP posts:

madmouse · 29/03/2011 22:49

Hi NanaNina - not in a terribly bad place at all just had a dififcult day was in hospital with my ds this morning for pre-op tests for next week and due to previous trauma I have to fight really hard not to dissociate all the time. That's very draining. And then something silly happened to leave me very emotional and fragile (dh and I will spend mother's day in separate churches - he's a priest and he is doing services in a church that I can't get to) and my very good friends who I rely on for support just said tonight that they won't be there either - and I'm not very good with mother's day anyway - daft really)

Gah - sounds like you could do worse than still go to bed, leave a light on and some music on headphones. Try not to drink anymore - it will make things worse.

midnightservant · 29/03/2011 22:51

Someone recently at a bi-polar course I was on suggested you could ring your local psychiatric hospital for help if urgent.

Gahsickofit · 29/03/2011 22:54

Do you think I could ring crisis team? I'd feel a bit daft tbh, as I'm calming down by the minute, but then maybe having it recorded that I have been feeling like this could be could?

last time I rangt them they called the police though :(

OP posts:

midnightservant · 29/03/2011 22:59

Well you are (relatively) calm, and not manic? If you think you are at the beginning of hypomania or mania then it's important to get help while you still have insight.

What state were you in when you last rang the crisis team?

Chocattack · 29/03/2011 23:00

If you're feeling calm enough perhaps you should try to sleep. You can always ring later if you need to.

Gahsickofit · 29/03/2011 23:02

Last time I rang them I had a panic attack on the phone and passed it to DH. That was the last conatct I had with them, a couple of days ago.

OP posts:

Gahsickofit · 29/03/2011 23:03

No, I'm worng. That was last time I rang the CPN, the last time I rang the crisis team was a different time. That was when they rang the police. I don't remember what state I was in, but I was sectioned.

OP posts:

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

midnightservant · 29/03/2011 23:05

What's your other thread - can't click on your name to find it and don't want you to have to explain it all again...

Gahsickofit · 29/03/2011 23:06

It's on this topic - ranty ranty one.
Hm,, going to go for a walk round the house for five minutes, that usually lets me work out where my head is. brb.

OP posts:

madmouse · 29/03/2011 23:13

here

Gah - be careful

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.