Trih/Hair Pulling. Time to Stop.

[ashamedandhorrified]

I've been pulling out my own hair for 20 years now. This is something I"m completely ashamed of.

Mostly, I don't realise I"m doing it until it's too late, and by then I'm horrified by what I've done. Hence the name change.

The rest of my life is great. I did have a fairly traumatic experience when I was younger, which I don't want to get into as it's quite indentifying, but I wonder if that has caused this.

Anyway...I've been 'pull free' for 2 days now, and wondering if anyone else wants to join me in trying to stop this? Or even just offer some moral support. I can't tell anyone in RL, although they obviously know something is wrong.

[ashamedandhorrified]

Aaargh...that should say 'Trich'

[controlfreakyhappyandnew]

i have phases of doing this too... but it's not all the time and i can manage to stop the minute i realise what i'm doing... it's definitely like a self soothing thing with me, a way to relieve anxiety when i'm stressed. can you identify any triggers? i've heard that hypnotherapy can be very good for breaking the habit (but haven't ntried it myself. you're not alone! good luck.

[ashamedandhorrified]

Thanks for replying! It means a lot to know I'm not the only one. I watched a clip of a program on youtube called 'Girls on The Pull' and it really has given the kick up the arse that I need.

I'm now on day 3, and have pulled 0. I'm extremely proud of myself .

I know it is triggered by stress, and just needing to 'zone out' for a bit when things get too much. I usually do it when driving, reading, watching tv or just escaping to the bathroom to 'zone out' and look in the mirror to catch the 'imperfect' hairs.

I've booked myself a haircut for next week as a treat, in a lovely/expensive salon. I've warned them I have hair loss problems and they were really lovely about it.

Deep breath...I can do this.

[idliketostop]

I thought I'd join in... I obsessively pick at the skin on my legs, I've been doing it on/off for 15 years. I only recently found out the condition is called dermatillomania, and is related to Trich and OCD.

When I get anxious or stressed I will study my legs for imagined ingrown hairs or spots, and pick until I've broken the skin and sometimes drawn blood. I dont want to do it, but whilst I'm doing it I'm completely unaware of what I'm doing and it's only afterwards that I can see the damage I've done to my legs.

In the past I haven't picked for months, so I think I could break, or at least control, the habit on my own, I certainly do not want to go and see my GP!

So, I'll join this thread and I will try and stop picking, starting today - day 1

[ashamedandhorrified]

Hi idliketostop! That does sound very similar. I sometimes think I have too much nervous energy, as I cannot sit still at any time. I need to be moving some part of me.

Hence this pulling.

I hear what you're saying about the GP. There's no way I could go and talk about this.

Congrats on day 1 .

I'm about to have some chocolate as a reward.

[FeelingBrave]

Hello. Can I join in too please? I have namechanged as I have never really confessed to anyone that I also do this but somehow am feeling brave enough today to tell you.

I pull my eyelashes out.

It is horrid and I have been doing it for years and years. I hate it but can't seem to stop, partly because often I don't realise that I'm doing it.

I'm not quite sure why I do it - like you say Ashamed, I think it's quite often stress and also boredom. I think it started when I was very little and sucked my thumb, whilst stroking my eyelashes and it has gone on from there.

I have tried on many occasions to stop but I can't manage it for long. Perhaps a bit of online support might do the trick?

Here is a list of why I don't want to do it anymore:
My eyelashes could be long and lovely but quite often are short and stubby and broken.
If I have mascara on (which somehow makes me do it less) I end up with flakes of mascara all over my cheeks.
I suspect that the reason I have a lot of colds in the winter is because I am constantly touching my eyes (and transfering germs).
I am really worried that one day, they will stop growing back.

But most importantly,
dd2 (19months) is starting to fiddle with her eyelashes and I don't want her to go down the route I have. This just makes me feel wracked with guilt.

I also can't face the thought of going to talk to the GP because I think I will just blub.

So as of now, I am going to try to stop. If you ladies can do it, so can I! How are you all getting on now?

(I feel a bit sick now I have typed this, but actually that could be due to the fact I just ate a massive bit of chocolate as encouragement to post!! )

[ashamedandhorrified]

Hi FeelingBrave. Great to have you with us . It is SO difficult isn't it?!

I've found taht since I started this thread, I'm much more focused on not doing it, which helps immensely.

There really seems to be a huge stigma attached to this type of disorder. One of my dearest, much loved friends said to me recently 'you're not like that nutter in the news who pulled all her hair out are you?'. I replied 'no, of course not', with a big beaming smile. Inside I wanted to die.

I understand what you're saying about your DC picking it up too. It would be terrible if mine did this through seeing me do it.

Anyway...this is where we start to stop. I'm on day 4 and going strong. Almost did it earlier, but then remembered I'm not that person anymore.

Well done on posting...step 1 .

[ashamedandhorrified]

Just wondering how you're both doing? I'm on day five now, and seem to be managing so far. I seem to have started biting my nails though.

I have/ had lovely nails, but I'd much rather have lovely hair!

Still worrying in case it doesn't grow back.

[Sariah]

Another one here and a thumbsucker and nail biter also. My dd aged 3 is a picker. It must be hereditary I think or there must be some genetic link. I don't pull enough to have noticable bald pathces but I do do it regularly. I love when I get a really rough hair and then I run it through my teeth. Have never really tried to stop as I get some comfort from it, same with the thumb sucking. Good luck with it

[vinorosado]

Dear 'Ashamed',

Firstly thank you for posting this, you shouldn't feel ashamed and I totally empathsise. I started pulling out my eyelashes out like feeling brave, when I was about 11. Now it is my hair.

For about 20 years I have done this (I am 44)but I hide it and only have a sort of bald patch at the underneath part of my scalp. It occupies a large part of my thoughts as I feel quite nutty but it comforts me (as well as seriously bothering me)... Do you think there is any truth in the phrase 'pulling my hair out'? as I only do it a lot when I am very stressed (the past few years - it is worse than ever) I also understand I'd like to stop, it all rings true with me.

I really admire you for starting this thread and I feel so much better to know I am not alone. In my experience your hair will grow back but maybe white (what has happened to me)

Thanks again x

[FeelingBrave]

Well today has been OK. Only one eyelash which is pretty good going for me. I have managed to catch myself most times when my hand has wondered up towards my eyes - partly because of this thread!

Well done on Day 5 ashamed - I keep thinking that if you can do it, I can do it too. So, yes, thank you for starting this thread.

I sort of knew that there was a name for people who pull hair and eyelashes etc but have never really done any serious research into it (because having had a quick look at one website, I couldn't read any further because then I would have had to 'admit' there is something 'wrong' with me iyswim). Is there a good website I can have a look at?

I had also wondered about hypnotherapy but am very nervous about the whole thing. However, I really do want to kick this! Does anyone know anything about it?

Like vinorosado and sariah I get comfort from doing whilst at the same time feeling really bothered about doing it.

Keep going everyone!

[vinorosado]

feelingbrave i used to pull my eyelashes out so much I got styes in my lower lids, it was awful, but I was only young. I don't know why I stopped (although I do do it still, now and then - also eyebrows, but I have mainly progressed to hair which is less noticeable), I have read briefly that this is sometimes what happens but...

I can't look at websites as it makes me feel worse. It is such an untalked about thing. Wearing mascara does certainly help. I suppose to do this is better than other addictive habits but it bothers me so much that I am doing something that ultimately upsets me about myself. IYSWIM.

[ashamedandhorrified]

Goodness...feel a bit tearful at all these lovely replies .

Welcome to Sariah & Vinorosado. Great to have a couple more on the thread.

Feelingbrave - really well done, only 1 is great! I'm glad you're finding the thread a help.

Sariah - I do the same as you...look for a 'rough' hair and pull that. I get an immense amount of pleasure from it, in fact even thinking about it is making me want to do it now. I'm finding that, when I feel like this, deep breaths and relaxing my shoulders helps. As does 'scrunching my hair' iykwim. Grabbing a handful and squeezing, then immediately letting go.

There are a few websites I've seen, but haven't looked too much tbh. I feel like I'm doing something wrong, by just looking. I feel much happier posting here instead.

I totally agree when you say you enjoy it, but then it makes you feel terrible later. I really enjoy doing it, but then I look in the mirror and I feel sick. I was in a changing room the other day and they had 360 degree mirrors. I could see all of my hair. It was awful.

I also hate: standing under bright lights, walking down stairs in front of someone, people who are taller than me (that's lots).

This has to change.I know I can do it with all of your help .

[FeelingBrave]

Hello. Just checking in. How are you getting on? Not such a good day today, but still...tomorrow is another day.

[ashamedandhorrified]

Hi feelingbrave! Sorry it wasn't so good yesterday. Have you worked out when you're most likely to do it?

I find that logging on to mn every morning and checking this thread really helps remind me not to pull. I also have reminder alarms on my phone every now & then.

I've still not pulled, although came very close last night. Tiredness is a trigger for me.

[idliketostop]

I'm back again, and I'm kind of on day 5 of not picking at my legs. I say 'kind of' as I have been picking but have managed to stop after a few minutes by reminding myself of this thread!

I'm so glad I found this thread, knowing that I'm not alone and that there are others out there trying to stop pulling/picking/biting etc.

[ashamedandhorrified]

It's really great you've been able to stop yourself idliketostop. I know how difficult it can be to get out of the trance once I start!

Hoping I'll be able to say Ive done a whole week pull free by tomorrow. I have a hair appt for Thurs as a treat. Well...I say a treat but, depending how they are, it will either be totally encouraging, or utterly devastating. Hmmnnn...need to remember this will take a looooong time before I see a change.

Do you find your legs heal quickly? And eyelash pullers, do you know how long they take to grow back? Do t think I'll see a change for a good few months...sigh.

I'll just need to have other treats to keep me going .

[idliketostop]

Morning! ashamedandhorrified, I hope your hair appointment goes well and you come out with a fab haircut! You said the staff were lovely on the phone, so they should be supportive, try not to worry and enjoy your treat!

My legs heal quite quickly, as I just scratch and pick on the skin it's only the top layer that's damaged. If I didn't pick for about 2-3 weeks my legs would look 'normal' to others, with barely visible scars. That should be encouragement enough for me to stop, unfortunately it's not that easy... When my legs look bad, I do worry about what other people think has happened to me. When my legs are bad, it looks like I have a very bad shaving rash, or I've been bitten by fleas/mosquitos or (my worst worry) have needle marks.

Have any of you told your family? I haven't, I think my DP has suspicions but I know he wouldn't want to embarrass me by asking me what's going on with my legs!

[Memoo]

Can I join you all too please? I pull my eyebrows out and have done for years. This past year I have suffered with pnd and anxiety it has got really bad. I had managed to grow them back but these past few days I've been really bad and now they're practically bald

[FeelingBrave]

Hi everyone, and hello Memoo. Have decided to take your advice and look at this thread each morning to give myself encouragement. Had a better day yesterday so am feeling reasonably good about it.

DH knows it is a problem so I have told him about this thread and he is being very supportive. I think it's hard for him because if he tells me to stop, I feel like he's telling me off then I fall into an awful negative cycle of thinking about how awful I am and just do it all the more to try to make myself feel better. My family have always just laughed about me being the 'eyelash twiddler' which doesn't help.

Sitting down and watching TV seems to be one of the times I do it, same as reading (which I have to do quite a lot of for work) so am trying sitting on my hands at the moment, which looks stupid but might do the trick.

ashamedandhorrified have you managed your whole week yet? I really hope it's going well...keep thinking of that appointment. I don't know how long it takes eyelashes to grow back - one of my big fears is that one day they just won't.

idliketostop it's just a thought, but would it help if you bought some nice lotion to treat your legs and take care of them?? I don't know whether that would help them look better quicker and might help you feel better about them? Just a thought...

[ashamedandhorrified]

Hi Everyone, and welcome Memoo! Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time.

It seems like a lot of us do our picking/pulling when we're having down time of some kind. I've almost pulled the last 2 days, but have stopped myself in time by deep breathing and relaxing my shoulders (it's as if I'm full of tension when I want to pull) and also by 'scrunching' my hair.

So...I've made it to a week - yay!

I have only told one friend about my pulling. Another one friend I have admitted to 'playing' with my hair. Both were pretty understanding. The one I told about the actal pulling is a very accepting person and I knew I could trust her not to think me wierd.

Just wondering Feelingbrave if you've thought any move about hypnotherapy? I was considering it, but am not feeling brave (haha) enough, I don't think, to be able to explain it to a hypnotist. I'm really impressed that you've told your husband! I'm like idliketostop in that my DH definitely knows, but never mentions it.

There really is such a stigma around all of these issues.

[ashamedandhorrified]

Oh - just want to add...

I'm 37 and I'm so much better than when I was younger. I started pulling when I was 16, and was in a very bad way (almost bald) by the time I was 21. Previously my hair had been my best feature...very long, thick and shiny .

Really just adding this about myself, to give hope to any younger posters. I really feel that the confidence/self esteem that can come with age, really helps in the fight against trich. Well...it has for me anyway.

[Sariah]

I am very open about my habits I don't feel ashamed of them at all. Obviously I don't suck my thumb at work meetings but I do say it to people if the subject comes up in relation to children sucking their thumbs.

I suffer with social anxiety also, only in certain situation mainly formal work situations like board meetings when the focus is on me. Just wondering do others suffer with other disordres like ocd or anxieties or phobias???

[Memoo]

My psychiatrist said my hair pulling is OCD but apart from that he had told me very little about it.

[ashamedandhorrified]

I don't suffer from anything else really...although I do like things to be done a certain way or it really irritates me. Not to the point of OCD though, I wouldn't say.

I get nervous at major work situations, but I don't think it's full blown anxiety. It is more likely to make me pull my hair though.

Yesterday was a very stressful work day and it took a look of effort not to pull. Nowhere near as bad as when the DCs were babies though. I pulled really badly then.