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We may all have the --rabies-- crazies, but we don’t need no ‘hints’ thanks! Grab yourself a (small) cider, get your sex towels at the ready, it’s Just Shagging 47!

999 replies

5hell · 19/05/2015 11:23

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
  5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.


JSing lingo
~~~~~~~~~

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 46 is HERE

The current Grads Fred is HERE

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE

Stats sheet is HERE

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!
OP posts:
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5hell · 19/05/2015 11:39

New fred! new fred! Which will of course be a lucky one for at least 45 of us.

No need for stats now we have La's wonderful spreadsheet but feel free to update the sheet if you're new or have news Smile

arsemonkey, wankbadger, parrottwat
as you were...

OP posts:
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jellypi3 · 19/05/2015 11:41

great fred 5hell :)

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honeysucklejasmine · 19/05/2015 12:51

Great work 5hell!

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Niffertiti · 19/05/2015 13:10

Ooh hello, lovely new Fred!

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nuttybananas · 19/05/2015 13:13

well hello Fred and how u doing? (Said in a joey from friends style!)

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5hell · 19/05/2015 13:23

cheers m'dears lesson of the day strikethrough doesn't work in fred titles

am however rather chuffed with the linking sucess (small wins!)

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Blackdogwalker · 19/05/2015 14:13

I have added myself to the spreadsheet, I hope this is okay. Currently sitting in work after cheeky shag and I'm paranoid I smell of jizz I'm so tired.

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sarah1391 · 19/05/2015 14:56

New fred! Haha black i'm sure no one thinks u smell of jizz

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gaggiagirl · 19/05/2015 15:26

blackdog hello! Nice to meet you. Can you please amend me on that stats sheet please? I cant do it Sad can you change the 34 to 32 for me please? #agematters

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Blackdogwalker · 19/05/2015 15:29

Nice to meet you too Gaggia, have made that change for you Smile

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WouldRatherHaveWine · 19/05/2015 15:45

My stats is rather blank, will have to update when I can get on the laptop. Although not entirely sure what I'd be "known" for? My increasingly rambling posts or my random typos? or the fact I POAS at only 9dpo today!

blackdog just keep an eye out for anyone sniffing nearby! Grin

jelly Flowers and Cake and hugs for you my dear.

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jellypi3 · 19/05/2015 16:02

Thanks wine. She's doing her annoying disappearing act at the moment, i'm almost trying to squeeze her out just to get it over and done with. I've also got cramps so I'm 99.999999% sure i'm out.

Take it it wasn't a BFP for you at 9DPO?

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WouldRatherHaveWine · 19/05/2015 16:05

Haha was it feck. Crazies have firmly moved in

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jellypi3 · 19/05/2015 16:21

old fred is finished now

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ChatEnOeuf · 19/05/2015 16:23

Jelly Flowers

Excellent new Fred :)

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pretzelpieces · 19/05/2015 16:27

Thanks for the shiny new Fred, 5hell!

The latest news from my vagina is that I've got thrush and I'm very grumpy about it.

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janey15 · 19/05/2015 16:51

Errr do I have to save changes to the stats sheet? Also, I must say that I feel this fred is rather discriminating to all the crazy dog ladies owners. Don't we deserve our own column?

jelly spotting has stopped here also. Feeling crampy and wet though so sure it's on the way. Just feel so disappointed. Why do I have to get my hopes up? I almost cried so many times today, it's like nothing else matters to me.

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janey15 · 19/05/2015 16:52

pretzel sorry you got the songbird. Too much shagging?

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jellypi3 · 19/05/2015 16:54

i'm not a crying person in general janey so i've not gotten upset i've just thrown a few curse words about lol.

either way if she's here tomorrow in full force i will drown my sorrows, if she's not here i'll poas

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honeysucklejasmine · 19/05/2015 17:15

I am Crampy McCramperson today. And so damp! Icky. I am quietly not getting my hopes up. Not at all. Nu-uh. Not me. whistles innocently

I am doing disability awareness tonight with the Brownies. Sign language and Braille all round!

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justtheonethen · 19/05/2015 17:28

jelly wankbadgers to that.

5hell excellent Fred, thank you!

I have had a total cunt of a day. I'm pissed off.

Latest news from my vagina is nothing, literally nothing to report. I was hoping to ice by weekend as dp and I are going to be in different places next week. Was hopeful as I'm spotty but nothing yet. Not a smidge of ewcm. Hmph

black love it, jizzy smells like bleach so you prob smell like you cleaned beforehand. Everyone's thinking how sparkling your loo must be!

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justtheonethen · 19/05/2015 17:28

Bah, just went to read that thread but it's been deleted

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Ain626 · 19/05/2015 17:36

honey I have that wet feeling too... Quietly hopeful for the both of us...

I'm trying to get back into guiding at the min. I'm a warranted brownie leader but after moving house a couple of times, going back to uni to do my teaching degree, etc. I haven't been with a unit for a few years...

Currently sat sharpening colouring pencils. Have just finished putting nappies on dolls... Should have thought through my role play area. It's not helping with the feeling broody..

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CarrotPuff · 19/05/2015 17:41

Shiny new thread! Good work 5hell!

jelly I hope she stays away. Or at least has a decency to show her ugly face properly.

Wine hooyah! Lock away pissy sticks!

I only had like 1 day of pant snot this month, 2 at a push. And not that much of it. Pretty sure I've iced though as had painful ovaries during shag 2 days ago.

Also DS is 18mo today. He decided to celebrate this by hitting me in the eye in the morning and it bloody hurts! At least no bruise... and I've baked some choc biscuits and now the whole house smells of chocolate. They are cooling down now too long, I want one NOW

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daisyspice · 19/05/2015 17:42

Great Fred title 5hell!!

Hugs jelly Hmm

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