You poor thing. Your experience sounds awful Godivas.
I would definately call myself a survivor, seeing as I'm currently 4 months pregnant for the 2nd time, which once I didn't think would be possible physically or mentally!
I felt in such a state I was unsure I'd ever be able to have a sibling for my son. My forcep birth ended in a bad 2nd degree, which got infected, bursting stitches and causing awful scarring. I then had several injections in the scar tissue to resolve it, before finally (after a serious complaint by my GP to the hospital to pull their bloody socks up) having a perineal repair (Fenton's procedure). They send me home with an opening (sorry if TMI) the size of a gnat's, and a pack of dilators to "stretch yourself back to normal." I nearly lost my marbles at this point. Also, this first op was botched, stitches in wrong place, and I had to have another, leaving me better, but not before another agonising infection, and by this time my son was a year old.
I had some really dark days, where I felt my whole life had become medicalised, that I was a pathetic mother who couldn't do anything (lifting was out of the question for such a long time), and that I could never do it again, or ever feel the same.
I just felt broken, and that everyone must be so over my complaining.
I don't say this to be all "woe is me", but just wanted to say to you that there are times with these problems after birth where it all feels so unfair, that the doctors just want you to go away, and on top of it all it's SO personal that you don't know who to turn to, or even feel confident enough to fight for the treatment you need. Which is why you must. I had to fight tooth and nail to get better and now I'm pregnant again. My GP also referred me for some cognitive therapy for the resulting PSTD which surrounded the whole experience and I'm so grateful to her for letting me know I was important, I was a good mother, and getting me to a place where I was looking back on it, rather than unable to stop living it.
Perhaps your GP can refer you for physio, and to the hospital's perineal clinic for a really good investigation, or maybe cortisone injections can help to break down some painful scar tissue?
I also found massaging everywhere that hurts with wheatgerm oil really helps too.
My friend told me a sad story this week. Her mother admitted that she had a prolapsed after my friend was born. She was too embarrassed to ask for any help, her marriage broke down because of it, and that was why they divorced when my friend was 11. She later had a hysterectomy she's sure was the result..
My point is if you are in pain you simply must bang down the doors. Just because you doctors tells you your muscle tone is good and you have healed, you are still IN PAIN and they must help! People go to their GP's all the time for so much less.
The very best of luck to you. Reaaaally sorry to waffle
xx