what did you wish you'd known/been told about labour and post-labour (things they don't print in books)

[choufleur]

i wish someone had told me that you can feel the baby go back up sometimes when you're pushing (but it will eventually stay down and come out)

That the baby can still give you a kick even though it's head is out!!!

That after the second baby the after contractions would be so painful. Not sure if thats' what they are called, but I thought I was having another one!

that the morning after you have given birth, you wake up with someone else's legs.
and they are twice the size yours used to be.

that it is utterly pointless buying paper knickers

that birth plans are theoretical documents

biological nurturing position for breastfeeding means when your baby has been born, mw can just pop him/her on your tummy while you lie back and rest. baby can make their own way up to the breast and latch on themselves. I hated the whole 'sit up and try to bf' part - too knackered to do anything but lie there pathetically. if only I'd known it was nature's way!

that at some point you may make bellowing noises that you would never dream of in any other situation, but no-one will bat an eyelid.

that your teeth hurt more than your episiotomy after biting the gas and air for hours

that your fanjo really does feel like it's on fire.

piles - seriously after all else and worrying about going to the toilet - piles can make you scream out in agony, cry and not let you sit for 2hours afterwards

if you have stitches then turn round and face the toilet straddle style it can help going for a wee

about how much you bleed and just how many maternity pads you need.

to pour water over your bits when you wee, or better still sit in a small bath and do it.

That, yes, you do hurt after, and yes, you need alot of lookng after.

that for weeks after you have given birth, people will still be asking you when it is due.
it all seemed so tight when there was a baby expanding it from the inside - where did all the jellybelly actually come from?
and that you may still find maternity trousers most beneficial.

when you are hanging your head out of the carwindow making those wierd guttural animal noises - that's when your in labour ( with dd1 I went to the hospital about 5 times with contractions that kept stopping .)

you may want to keep upright and moving whilst in labour, but your body may be so knackered that it is just not possible.

Too take a separate suitcase for maternity pads and chocolate.

and feeling the need to punch the daylight out of anyone and EVERYONE who say to you straight after you've given birth

well, will you be having any more

WTF - I've only just farking well had this one!??!?!?!?!?

You will have a very sore fanjo after giving birth and even the thought of going for a wee makes you cry. Nobody told me this and any pain I had in labour pailed into insignificance

Maternity clothes should be given another name so so don't feel so bad you're still wearing them 4 months after giving birth

That it might not be like in the books. My antenatal teacher asked how long we thought the 1st and 2nd stages would be. I joked a couple of hours for the first, and about 15 mins for the second. Ha ha, how we laughed at my hopefulness. But I was right. And I still don't have a clue about contractions. I thought the whole thing just bloody well hurt. A lot.

Not text book by any means and bloddy terrifying.

a friend and i were thinking that we ought to write a book about what it is really like.

That my arse hole was going to be shredded during labour

Seriously didn't realise that it would feel like I was giving birth through my bum hole

Ds did go back to back in the final stages though - so prob doesn't happen to everyone.

That when your waters break but then baby decides to stay put for a while, every time you move, you dribble/gush...all over the floor, the bed, your clothes....

That having a poo after would be so scary

that you can't shuffle on your bum afterwards

oh, and if it is back to back, there is a strong chance that you will be subject to a well known veterinary procedure.
this will hurt more than labour.
they will discharge your baby but not you, and peer at your fanjo for hours discussing what to do next....

although you feel like you are about to die - you are not!

and the baby is not going to explode out of your ass - it just feels like that.

depends where your waters tear whizz. mine went at the top and there was hardly a dribble. i was surpised by the lack of gushing (no-one told me that either)

Yes - see the arse hole gets a battering during labour - and no one really tells you about that - certainly not in any of the books I read

How much blood there is, and how long you can bleed for afterwards. I thought that it would be like a heavy period. Six weeks later it was still going...