please help me. dh has taken own life

(142 Posts)
diege Sat 11-Jun-16 05:32:09

We were in the process of separting. Police came around yesterday to say they found his body. I have 6 children and its ds1s party today (sat). I'm going to push through til after the party and then tell them, hopefully with my parents there No one seems to be able to tell me how to tell the children, help lines of Winstons wish etc Monday to Friday I don't know how I'm going to get through this.

Rainbowqueeen Sat 11-Jun-16 05:34:34

I am so so sorry. I have no advice other than to say what you are planning sounds like the right thing to do.

I will be thinking of you all weekend flowers

FenellaMaxwell Sat 11-Jun-16 05:40:17

Oh OP, I am so sorry. It's going to be ok. How old are the DC?

when we told my nieces and nephews my dad had died, although it's not quite the same as he had been very ill, they didn't say much at first but had a lot of questions in the coming weeks, so Winstons Wish will still be a really reliable source of support.

Is there someone with you now?

FenellaMaxwell Sat 11-Jun-16 05:41:45

www.save.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_id=EB8CDAFC-7E90-9BD4-CDB77DB42FD5C2CE

icklekid Sat 11-Jun-16 05:42:46

So sorry op an impossible situation flowers for you all and a brew to get you through the day. Hope you have supportive family who will make today easier especially telling your dc. Take care and be gentle on yourself.

diege Sat 11-Jun-16 05:42:48

Thank you. I'm on my own, children still asleep but youngest will be waking soon. They're 14, 13, 10, 7 (on Monday), 4 and 2.

FenellaMaxwell Sat 11-Jun-16 05:43:25

This has some really good points and gives some age appropriate examples of how to tell children.

FenellaMaxwell Sat 11-Jun-16 05:44:47

OP with the age difference, I think I perhaps wouldn't tell them all together- a 14 year old will have very different needs to a 4 year old. Could you ask your parents to be with the little ones whilst you tell the older ones first?

FenellaMaxwell Sat 11-Jun-16 05:46:10

so much flowers and brew for you - you are doing really well already.

isamonster Sat 11-Jun-16 05:47:02

Hi there; I'm so so sorry. Samaritans might be able to give you some support though I cannot imagine how you must feel. I used to be isadorable and I remember you well from the 40s conception thread. How are you feeling about it?

diege Sat 11-Jun-16 05:51:43

Thank you everyone. Yes I remember you isadorable x
Thank you for the advice. At the moment I don't know how I'm going to get through the day. Just going to have to get up and keep on going.

mimishimmi Sat 11-Jun-16 05:52:18

Really sorry to hear it OP flowerssad

diege Sat 11-Jun-16 05:53:32

The children are going to be asking where he is for the party. What do I do?

isamonster Sat 11-Jun-16 05:54:32

We mums can do miraculous things for the sake of our kids and then collapse in a heap later. Your love for them will carry you through some of it but I'm just so desperately sad for you and your children.

isamonster Sat 11-Jun-16 05:55:32

What time is the party?

diege Sat 11-Jun-16 05:57:07

His sister has had to identify the body. I feel so guilty in that I was wanting to separate (he had been controlling) then he'd been signed off work (a new job) by the GP only this week. She's not got in touch yet, think she will blame me.

MoggieMaeEverso Sat 11-Jun-16 05:57:54

Samaritans (116 123) operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you're feeling, or if you're worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org. (from a website)

diege Sat 11-Jun-16 05:57:56

Party is 2.30 to 4.30. A joint one in Laser Quest with another mum.

diege Sat 11-Jun-16 05:58:47

Thank you moggie..

QOD Sat 11-Jun-16 05:59:13

Oh op sad
I don't know, gosh, would it be better to tell the older ones sooner😧
what an awful awful situation
flowers

isamonster Sat 11-Jun-16 05:59:18

You must not blame yourself. You didn't make him do this.

MoggieMaeEverso Sat 11-Jun-16 05:59:33

www.supportaftersuicide.org.au/what-to-do/communicating-with-children

And this Australian website has some good info about communicating with children.

Sorry for what you're going through. flowers

isamonster Sat 11-Jun-16 06:00:47

I think you should tell the older ones asap.

isamonster Sat 11-Jun-16 06:02:24

BTW I was a samaritan for 10 years and they really are there for people in your situation.

clarrrp Sat 11-Jun-16 06:03:16

I'm so sorry to hear that. It must be a huge shock and you're so brave to be able to hold it together enough to even think about how to deal with this and get through today.

xx

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