Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent ( 5 )

(986 Posts)
mummylin Sun 26-Jan-14 17:50:05

Here we are , our new home

mummylin Sun 26-Jan-14 17:59:26

For the very first time I have missed going to see to my mums flowers, but circumstances today decided I had to go to my friend, I hope my mum will understand

evening ladies, how are you now mummlinn and your friend x

mummylin Sun 26-Jan-14 18:34:20

Im ok , it's my friend who is not. Can't say too much as its not my business to go into details, but things have gone terribly wrong.suffice to say our friendship was very nearly bought to an end by things that were going on.But I'm not here to judge her and at the moment she needs me. It's a bloody nightmare and has been for a few months.

mummylin Sun 26-Jan-14 18:35:19

Why is everything happening at the same time. I will soon end up going crazy. It's a good job I am quite strong.

I think I remember you saying something about your friend and the situation, horrible for all involved no matter what's gone on your friend is lucky to have such a caring friend to support them. take care of yourself too though. am not having the best of weeks for reasons I can't really post on thread but I'm always here to chat too

you can only do as much as you can do, don't wear yourself out I'm sure your friend appreciates any support you give her. pm if you want a chat off boards x

ImNotCute Sun 26-Jan-14 18:56:14

Hello all.

mummylin sorry to hear about the stuff with your friend, and the situation with your dd's ex sounds incredibly stressful too. What a lot of stuff you have to deal with sad

I've mostly been coping pretty well since losing mum a little over a month ago but have had a really down weekend. There are other things going on too- dad was recently diagnosed with cancer (both parents diagnosed within months, we couldn't believe it as both only mid 60s and looked after themselves), also we're making a complaint to the hospital about mum's care as there was a long sequence of errors and delays.

It has all become a bit too much and I have a history of being depressed anyway. I'm going to try to get emergency appointment tomorrow with GP, and am wondering if it would be best to be signed off work for a while. I'm not sure if it's better for me to keep going into the office for the company and activity, or if it might be best to just have some quiet time at home. With 2 young kids I don't often get much time to myself and maybe I need some.

I hope some of you had a better weekend x

Badvoc Sun 26-Jan-14 19:30:25

Lin...I'm very sorry. It's so hard trying to be there for everyone. Do take care of you x
Imnot...I think a time off work would be a good idea. I'm so sorry about your dads dx. What a terrible time for you all. I know all too well that feeling of "god, what next!?" It's a very lonely and scary place to be.
I am still undecided about counselling.

ImNotCute Sun 26-Jan-14 21:37:06

Thanks badvoc. Fortunately dad's dx is not as serious as mum's was, but it is still worrying and means appointments and treatment at same hospital where mum died so recently- it's hard for him to go back there.

I hope you manage to come to a decision about counselling, I think I'll definitely consider it at some point.

Mouseface Sun 26-Jan-14 23:28:25

Hey lovelies

Very selfish first post. Dad didn't go to my nephew's baptism today because he was without my mum and I cried down the phone when he told me.

He didn't want anyone to feel sorry for him. sad

Sorry I can't stick around as it's been a very long and emotional day because I wanted to go but the journey was too far for me to go... my hips are crushing me today and I need to go and take more morphine and take the rest of my meds...

I'll be back tomorrow. Sorry to read that some of you are in pain with your backs also!

Lots of love to you all xxx

Badvoc Mon 27-Jan-14 07:36:53

Oh mouse sad
My mum is the same.
She won't go anywhere unless it's with me or my siblings.
I feel utterly trapped by it.

ssd Mon 27-Jan-14 19:30:32

badvoc, I hope you feel better soon, you've had more than your fair share of lurgys recently!

super, dont want to be nosey, just hope things feel a bit better soon

mummylin, poor you, and your friend, am thinking of you both

mouse, hope the meds are helping and you got a good sleep..your poor dad, its so hard supporting the parent who is left, isnt it.

Imnotcute, what a hard situation for you and your dad, must be very difficult visiting the hosp where your mum was, very difficult indeed

t875, thinking of you as always, hope the job is still going well, hugs to ur dad.

cold miserable weather here, nothing to lift our spirits girls, all we can do is support each other and be glad we're all here for each other xxx

Mouseface Mon 27-Jan-14 22:41:08

Thank you ssd xxx

Badvoc - I'm so sorry that you feel trapped, it's hard. sad

My mum came to see me this morning, she was here. Will explain tomorrow as I'm just off to bed.

So tired and in so much pain - big hugs to those in pain too. xxx

Night all, thinking of you all xxx

ssd Tue 28-Jan-14 08:23:23

I know what you mean mouse x

Mouseface Tue 28-Jan-14 13:51:11

Hello lovely people

Going back to my post about my mum being here yesterday, I went back to bed because I'd not slept well and I felt the bed depress next to me and then a warm, gentle hand, stroking my forearm. It felt so comforting, so serene and the most natural feeling in the world.

I could smell my mum's shampoo, I could feel her skin, the way that she used to stroke my arm when I was little and make everything feel alright again.

Some people reading this would say 'yeah, right, weirdo' hmm but I honestly believe that for a period of time, those that we love and we lose come back and see us, especially when we're struggling.

There's a lot going on with me, and us as a family right now, things that are beyond our control, where we live, so I guess she was reassuring me. Letting me know that it will be okay.

I really need her, I need to talk to her and tell her so many things, let her know everything that I would normally tell her........

So, this morning I went in to the dining room where her photos are and talked to her. Told the things that I wanted to and felt calmer, more at ease with what's going on.

How are you all? xxx

Been thinking of you all xxx

ImNotCute Tue 28-Jan-14 16:03:14

That sounds lovely mouseface and I don't think you're weird! I'm not sure if I share your beliefs but what we believe is so personal and I would give anything for mum to be here to stroke me and reassure me- how very comforting. I hope you managed to catch up on your sleep, I've been a bit short of it too thanks to a grumpy 2 year old who wakes up in the middle of the night and thinks he should be allowed to watch tv and do jigsaws!

Yesterday I saw my GP and was signed off work for a fortnight. Things have been non-stop and very stressful since mum died on 23rd Dec, so now on the 3 days a week I'm usually at work I can get a bit of peace and quiet to take it all in and recover a bit. The kids will be at school/ nursery, so it's very rare time I'll get to myself.

I hope everyone else is getting on ok with whatever you're up to this week. mummylin I hope you and your friend are doing ok x

ssd Tue 28-Jan-14 17:11:31

mouseface, I completely agree with you. After my dad died I didnt feel anything, but I did after mum died, I think because they were both gone and I needed comforting so much. Some things happened that made me believe I wasnt alone, and I can still feel them, in my heart,a really strong feeling. It is a comfort, I would never have described myself before as spiritual, but I definitely am now.

Imnot cute, try to relax during your time off, be kind to yourself, allow yourself time to feel and grieve, I think this is very important to allow ourselves our feelings and not to try to squash them, as painful as they are...we can only start to get through them if we allow ourselves to feel them in the first place. thinking of you x

mummylin Tue 28-Jan-14 17:45:31

Mouseface, that sounds lovely and if it's given you some comfort, then it can only be a good thing
Have been up to the crem today as I missed Sunday owing to events with my friend. It looked lovely up there as they have cleared all the branches and odd bits of wood which had blown off the trees.
Utterly stressed out between my friend and my dd,s exes problems at the moment.
Hope you are all doing ok.
Has anyone got snow ?

Mouseface Tue 28-Jan-14 18:05:50

Thank you ImNot - I'm so sorry to hear that your loss was so close to Christmas, I remember you saying that our losses were exactly a month apart now that I think but I thought you meant October sad

No wonder that you've been signed off work sweetheart, I have an almost 5 yr old who has NEVER slept through the night but they say that because of his emergency heart operation and subsequent emergency life saving procedures, the brain believes that the body actually died and so, long story short, Nemo has night terrors and has always needed lots of reassurance and calming through the night.

That's been my job as he does really struggle to settle with DH, unless I'm not here and then he will settle with DH. It comes down to the fact that it was always me in hospitals with him when his traumas occurred.

I know that mum has been to see him, I've smelt her in his room, she smoked very heavily and one night the smell of her was so so so strong it made me catch my breath, but when she comes to me I can smell the younger her, her fragrance - Estee Lauder White Linen smile

ssd - I'm glad that they came to you, losing one parent crushes you, both must be horrific. I watched something on Lorraine - it was on in the background - about a nurse who was talking to those who had experienced out of body feelings and visions, who were able to describe everyone in the room in very fine detail.

It was rather comforting to hear the stories....... I knew that when Mum went it was because I had said it was okay to just go, rest, sleep, and so had her sister, and my brother....... she was waiting until everyone who was important in her life was there and then finally let go once she knew we were 'okay'.

Off to bath my little 'fish' be back later xxx

I'm having to sit on my hands. One of my relatives has asked no one to announce on FB about her baby being born until she or her DP do. Fair enough. I shall tell you lot instead.

SHE'S HAD THE BABY!!!!! grin

4 months to the DAY that we lost my granddad, a new life has begun.

I'm a wee bit emotional - so, so happy for them both smile

that's lovely violet, a new life brings so much to the forefront of your mind doesn't it. wishing them all the best xxx

mummylin Tue 28-Jan-14 21:19:59

Ah that's so sweet violet, we won't let on you told us grin

It's just such a nice thing to hear today - after crying before going to sleep last night as I knew today was coming, and then, well this might sound daft so bear with me...

Today I had to get a bus to the next city for a job centre course they've mandated I go on all week. I accidentally got the bus the drives past the hospital where my granddad died. That was actually quite hard.

Relative is in Scotland, I am in the Midlands, so no chance of popping to hers for baby cuddles when she's home! Hopefully they'll come and visit and I can see the little one though smile

I suspect I shall have a pre-bedtime cry tonight too, a mix of happy and sad today. Happy that the new arrival is here safe and well, and happy for his lovely parents, but sad that DGranddad isn't here to meet him.

Although I know he's watching over us all, so maybe he'll pop up to Scotland and say hello smile

mummylin Tue 28-Jan-14 21:43:39

My grandson was ben on my grandads birthday and it was like my grandad had come back !

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