Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

(980 Posts)
mummylin Sat 08-Dec-12 19:28:41

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

ssd Fri 14-Dec-12 14:28:28

hi couldthisbeit, of course we dont mind you joining, am just so sorry you have had to. Please feel very welcome and post here anytime you need to.

as mummylin says, no one knows how this feels or what to say to someone bereaved. I still have the alien feeling, the worlds completely different now mums and where I grew up arent here now

my poor friends mum died this morning, have been with her all day, I really feel for her, she and her kids are distraught

awful time of year for all this, shops full of mums and daughters out shopping or having coffee, telly full of family adverts...ugh....sad

crazycat, you too post here anytime you need to xx

ssd Fri 14-Dec-12 14:30:42

t875, hope today is a bit better for you too xx

t875 Fri 14-Dec-12 23:22:18

couldthisbeit - we are here for you, and so sorry for your loss. You are not on your own. Talk about your mum, surround yourself with people you feel comfortable in their company. Take it very slow, you will go through a roller coaster of emotions. Come back to us anytime.
This forum has been a massive support to me the last 8 months. Kills me still some days though. Hugs to you!

crazycat - Thinking of you, must be such a hard time for you right now, were here if you need us, sending you hugs too.

ssd - Thanks feeling better today, although im starting to feel it now so off to bed for me. Hope your not too bad today xx

mummylin - Hope your ok and everyone else i have missed xxx

mummylin Sat 15-Dec-12 09:57:43

hello everyone.Sorry to see we have yet another new poster.crazykat it is pefectly fine to post here,we will support you as much as we can,do make loads of memories and take lots of photos.
couldthisbeit deepest condolences to you.We can all empathise with how you are feeling and we know the despair you are now in.I have to be honest and say there is no short cut to get through the grieving process ,but it can be made a little easier by having like minded people to offload to. I think this is possibly made even upsetting because of the time of year.I hope you have good support in RL but please do post if you need to have a few shoulders.One thing i would say is ,do cry when you feel like it ,dont bottle it up inside.
875 yes i am ok thanks,just a bit of melancholy setting in i think,but i guess thats the same for all of us at this time.
everyone I hope you all have a good ish day .I am going shopping once again,i seem to have a mental block and cant think of anything for dh or my son,i have got some odds and sods but want to get them something nice.Why are men so difficult ? [ in all ways ] I have not even written any cards yet and if i dont get a move on i will miss the post.Everything does seem much more of an effort i have to say, but i will get there im sure and so will all of you xx

Hey all,

Yesterday wasnt a good day so avoided the boards, christmas shopping is now all done unless i decide to get a few more bits. as is the wrapping. In a way im wishing i had kept some to do because it was keeping me busy. We are going to sort mums stuff out on sunday, not looking forward to this at all. Was hoping to have mums husband come down to nans with us christmas day but hes decided to work both christmas day and boxing day 12 hrs as he would find it too difficult. I understand but i feel sad that i cant make it any easier for him. Its my sisters birthday on monday so am just wrapping her presents up, want to give her a lovely a day as possible.

mummylin Sat 15-Dec-12 20:43:04

I also have done some more shopping today ,but still have to get some more,i am now going to wrap what i have bought today so that i am sort of up to date.next week i have to make about 9 doz mince pies which my mum always did for all of us,but i think i will leave that till about thursday.Hope you have all had a goodish sort of day x

t875 Sat 15-Dec-12 23:25:52

I am so behind, Ive wrote no cards, wrapped nothing, but im getting myself in gear bit by bit, enthusiasm isn't there much but ive had both children ill with the flu, the youngest is still ill with a high temp and flu symptoms.

But thank heavens for NEXT, Mil sorted and my dad tonight! Nice necklace for her crystal and blue beads silver chain, and my dad a t shirt.

Haven't done too bad today, not a bad day. I helped my dad do his tree at the house today, very upsetting at the beginning and me and my dad hugged each other, cant believe she was with us last year.. but it was nice to do this for my mum, we decorated it but i was saying to my mum im sure you would do it better - and i think she was whispering in my ear as i was moving bauballs and decorations around a lot.

He got us a lovely dove decoration for our tree and me and the children and hubby will buy a decoration next week to put on their tree, i put a lovely red glittery shoe decoration on their tree today.
Tough going but not as bad as i thought it was going to be.

Hope everyone is not doing too bad, and thinking of you all with what you are all going through.

xx

MayaAngelCool Sat 15-Dec-12 23:45:27

Mum, I wish you'd had a chance to meet your gorgeous grandchildren.

I will always love you and miss you.

going to sort mums stuff out today, am dreading it. Have spent most of the morning in tears so dont hold out alot of hope for the rest of the day. My big sis birthday tomorrow and i shall make sure she at least enjoys some of it.

ds had me in floods on the way home last night pointing out stars in the sky and telling me which one nanna was. Dont even know where hes got that from because ive never said that. Im glad he can talk about her so matter of factly just wish i could. Not doing too bad with the stupid comment brigade i tend to just nod and carry on although ive had some realllllllly bizarre comments but actually sitting talking about her is so hard.
Those last few weeks were hell, and nobody aside from me,her husband and my siblings would know quite how bad and how hard it was to see her like that. She was barely awake and when she was she just screamed or begged.

I just hope that in time i dont remember that awful few weeks and focus on the happier memories i have. its hard at the minute though.

Hope you are all doing okay

MayaAngelCool Sun 16-Dec-12 10:32:31

<hugs> to waiting

ssd Sun 16-Dec-12 10:35:50

hugs from me too, hope you manage to get things done today wishing, I had to clear out mums flat without my siblings helping as they had gone home or went back to their holiday abroad straight after the funeral..it was very very hard, hope you find something to help you get through.xx

We have packed everything up and took to my sisters so we can sort it there when we want too. was very hard seeing all her clothes, notes and little trinkets just bagged up but im glad we can sort what goes where in our own time. just having a quiet afternoon now until dp comes back really drained. hope you are all doing okay. I have recommended mumsnet and this board to my big sister, keep an eye out for her.

t875 Sun 16-Dec-12 21:10:05

aww waiting what a tough day (((hugs))) to you all. It is very hard to do, i am still going through stuff now but ive got some special bits from her which i know she would love me to have. It is very hard but as time goes on the real hard moments do tend to fade a bit and you do remember happy memories, but its very hard. I still cant get over the shock of my mum being here one day and me talking to her about fish and chips then not there the next day. But i have to shut that thought out as it kills me.

Thinking of you, here if you need us xx

t875 Sun 16-Dec-12 21:11:47

Maya hugs to you {{hugs}} thinking of you and you are not alone with these thoughts. Here if you need us xx

So very tired tonight so dont think ill be around long, have been keeping busy putting together bits and pieces for the dcs christmas. I think thats the worst part t875 the fact that its just so sudden, even if you know its coming. I am remembering more of the better times but like you cant help but have the horrible thoughts. Went back to the grave today for the first time, was harder than i thought now that the stone is there its so real.

MayaAngelCool Sun 16-Dec-12 21:34:38

Thanks, t875, I'm mostly okay. It's actually been many years, but every now and then I suddenly start crying - like last week watching a grandmother playing with her grandchildren at the library.

I am glad and lucky to have had such a wonderful mother that all these years later it still hurts to miss her.

i can imagine maya that it still hurts in many years to come even if it isnt so raw. hope you find some friendly ears on here.

simpletwistoffate Sun 16-Dec-12 21:56:40

Sorry, for stepping into this post, but have been reading tonight. Today is my birthday, and my first one without my lovely Dad who died earlier this year after a short illness.

I've found today so hard, I just don't know how I'll face Christmas sad My dh and dc's have been trying to make it a nice day, but I don't think any of them have noticed why today may be hard (in fairness, the two dc are young!!) but either dh hasn't thought of it or is afraid to say it, and I haven't the heart to tell him.

thanks for reading.

sorry to hear that simple there are alot of firsts and i think some people even partners dont realise what you are thinking. I hope you find the strength to get through christmas for your dcs. It will be difficult and im sure there will be many times you get teary or overwhelmed but you will get through it.

t875 Sun 16-Dec-12 22:34:45

waiting i can imagine its still a shock for you, i know my next door neighbours dad they knew it was coming but she said she didnt expect when it happened. So i feel for you i really do, its so very hard isnt it. Were here anytime for you. xx

simple it is very hard to have the firsts especially your birthday, i remember mine. I think i literally went through the motions of the whole thing, i just took her with me all day, I went out in the garden and cried my eyes out but then felt her around me, my dad brought me a bracelet of lovely flowers which i know she would have chose for me. I had a glass of wine and passed her one and had a good chat with her and watched qvc.
but i know what you mean and feel it with you, its very hard. But you dad is around you and sending you love and guiding you along, but i also know this is very hard to believe and take in as it feels that way for me at times, just that feeling isnt enough i want her here. xxx
Happy Birthday!! Maybe buy yourself something you know your dad enjoyed xx

maya I can imagine its still going to be hard no matter how many years we are on.

{{hugs}} everyone tonight

MayaAngelCool Sun 16-Dec-12 22:46:52

You're still allowed to enjoy your birthday, simple, so I hope you've not felt any guilt where that's concerned. <hugs>

I'm so sorry for all of your recent losses. As t875 said, the rawness goes with time, leaving occasionally painful and occasionally happy memories. And occasionally they're both at the same time. My mother is very much a part of my children's lives even though they've never met her - they know her favourite songs, her lullabies, and we talk about her lots. Those create happy memories for me in which her life and theirs are joyfully entwined.

You'll get there, just be gentle on yourselves and take things one day at a time.

maybeyoushouldrivesantassleigh Mon 17-Dec-12 11:53:42

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't posted for a few days, have had MIL here and didn't get near the computer. Sorry there are new faces again - thinking of you, it's very hard losing a parent. Hope you find this thread a comfort - it's lovely to have somewhere to write down difficult feelings.

I've been writing Christmas cards and I feel completely wrung out. I've had to write over and over to old friends that we've lost Mum... Should be sending good news at this time of year, it's brought up lots of fresh memories and sadness.

Dd is so lovely and keeps talking about Granny. She has made her a card and wants to get her a present. I cry everytime she mentions Mum though and have to keep telling her how happy I am that she's talking about her. It's a strange new world, I hope Christmas is bearable for all of us.

crazyKat this Christmas will be so hard for you, but I hope you are able to store up lots of memories for the future. Get your Mum to talk as much as possible about your family, video her, record her voice, take photos - all the things I wish we'd done.

t875 Mon 17-Dec-12 14:17:04

I 2nd what maybe said crazy cat, write down as much conversations as you can too. I too wish i done this, in a way i wish i have videoed her but hubby stopped me from doing this.

I know some believe on the thread but i have to say if you do believe in spiritualism psychics etc check out Colin Fry I was blown away by what he was picking up.

But i also respect people may not go down this route, just thought id mention it.
certainly gave me that even more reassurance that she is around.

Hope every is ok today and getting through x

Afternoon all

My sisters birthday today, we had some cake and presents and hopefully i made her feel special and smile even if for a short time.

i have been keeping with the theme and making some robins, they are on my photos. smile

crazykat Mon 17-Dec-12 19:59:04

That's a good idea maybe, I've found a lifetime journal online with questions to answer and space to write down special memories, we're going to fill it in together when it gets here. She hates having her photo taken but I've talked her into letting me take some photos of us all.

Sorry you've had to join us simple, I think it's hard for others to know how it feels if they haven't lost a parent, DH is supportive but doesn't understand why I sometimes cry for no reason. You'll find a way to get through christmas even if only for your DCs, mine are the only reason I've got the decorations up this year.

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