'What the caterpillar perceives is the end, to the butterfly is just the beginning.' Our journey after Beatrice

(852 Posts)

Beatrice died on 24th October aged 1 year, 1 month, 1 week and 1 day. She was buried on 2nd November. As she starts her new life as a butterfly, we are left on the ground feeling bewildered and bereft. I read a short piece at her funeral, and I stand by it:

'I often felt that being Beatrice's mum was much like holding a butterfly. I was in awe of her beauty and felt so privileged that she had chosen to come to me. But, much like a butterfly, I knew that one day she would spread her wings and fly away.

When Beatrice was one day old, a kind stranger shared this poem with me, and it sums up how I feel about Beatrice:

"A butterfly lights besides us like a sunbeam. And for a brief moment its glory and beauty belongs to the world.
But then it flies once again, and though we wish it could have stayed, we feel so lucky to have seen it."

I feel so lucky to have been chosen as Beatrice's mum and I truly believe that the immense grief we must now suffer is still a small price to play for the love she brought into our lives.

Goodnight Beatrice'

I still feel her love in my heart, but I am struggling without her in my arms. I miss caring for her and kissing her. Looking at her and stroking her hair. Singing to her, always singing so many songs. I haven't sung a song since she died, but I don't want the music to leave my life as it means I have let the grief win.

Fly high little butterfly, but please don't forget all of us left behind who hold you, still so fragile, in our hearts and memories. Please don't forget me, Beatrice x

Dutchoma Mon 24-Oct-16 09:57:43

Four years since Beatrice died. Thinking of all the teaset family

imjessie Fri 16-Sep-16 16:56:27

Thinking of Beatrice again..

CadburysTastesVileNow Fri 16-Sep-16 15:04:03

Thinking of Beatrice and of you, Cup xx

Dutchoma Fri 16-Sep-16 07:43:09

Today would have been Beatrice's 5th birthday. Be well, darling butterfly.

Goingtobeawesome Sun 11-Sep-16 19:22:10

Whenever I see DD top with a butterfly on I'd think of Beatrice. It's too small for DD now and I can't bear to put it in the charity bag. Stupid I know. I never met Beatrice but she touched me.

Mnp2015 Sat 10-Sep-16 22:22:32

Remembering Beatrice and Welcome Albert. Much love Cup and the Teaset. Xx

RJnomore1 Tue 06-Sep-16 09:33:19

I think about Beatrice too. She touched so many of us.

saffronwblue Sat 03-Sep-16 12:56:42

Me too.

imjessie Sat 27-Aug-16 22:55:53

Fwiw I think about Beatrice a lot too .

SnowflakeObsidian Tue 09-Aug-16 22:50:49

I am not sure if this is the most appropriate place to post, Cup, as I see it has been quiet for a while, but I wanted you to know I was thinking about Beatrice today and not for the first time. Through you she touched all our hearts but also so have all the beautiful children mentioned on here and only wish I had space here to name them all. Never ever forgotten not a one of them. Would love to know how Cup and the Teaset are doing xxx

Remembering Beatrice today Cup hope you and the tea set are all well thanks x

pannetone Wed 11-Nov-15 20:32:29

Remembering Beatrice and love to all the teaset. I always think of Beatrice when I hear the 'Thank you for the Days' song - it is poignant but a beautiful song to remember her. x

Antiopa12 Sun 25-Oct-15 09:37:28

Remembering your lovely Beatrice and how you took her and her sisters to the mountains.

peggyblackett Sat 24-Oct-15 09:57:07

Thinking of you and the teaset and your beautiful Bea of course. I've just seen a lovely message to you on a FB group that made me pop across to MN for the first time in aggggessss to send you my love. Xxxx

bishboschone Sat 24-Oct-15 09:37:26

Thinking of you cup and the tea set today ... Xx

Asheth Sat 24-Oct-15 09:34:42

Thinking of you and your family today Cup and remembering your beautiful Beatrice. I hope your precious memories can bring you some smiles today. xxx

FiftyShadesOfSporn Thu 17-Sep-15 21:26:34

I hope you got through yesterday ok, Cup x

pannetone Mon 27-Apr-15 18:32:13

Remembering Beatrice cup and thinking of all the teaset. I am glad you able to think of how Beatrice and your little boy would be with each other. She is still with you in so many ways.

Justusemyname Sun 12-Apr-15 19:17:22

How was the gymnastic competition, cup?

Doggygirl Thu 09-Apr-15 12:49:38

Beatrice was beautiful.

Dd2's tummy is much better now thank you smile the GP said it was masenteric adenitis (sp), but once it was so prolonged, I realised it was more of an anxiety issue. I spoke to the siblings counsellor at the hospice and she agreed it sounded like a separation anxiety.
We've dealt with it as best we could, and I'm happy to report that she seems much happier. She's competing in a regional gymnastics competition on Saturday, so fingers crossed she's feeling brave.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Tue 31-Mar-15 12:00:16

Also hoping that your DD2's tummy is sorted now - what did it turn out to be, did they ever find out?

I love the idea that Beatrice visits her baby brother, and the rest of you. I'm sure she does.

Justusemyname Sun 22-Mar-15 18:59:04

I haven't seen a post from you for ages, cup, and then yesterday I was thinking of you and today there is a new message from you. I hope it comforts you that strangers still think of Beatrice Primrose and all your family.

Is DD2's tummy better now?

I've been thinking about you so much, Beatrice. I had a very vivid dream about you the other night and it was very welcome because you haven't visited my dreams in such a long time. It felt very special to hold you in my arms again, even if your oxygen cannula kept popping out of your nose, causing problems!

Your brother is getting so big. He can be quite rough when he grabs things- If you were still here, we'd have to keep him far away from your feeding tube, or he'd pull it out of your nose in an instance. I think you'd love him though, because he makes some good loud noises. I think he'd love you, too. He smiles at everyone, he's still giving your share of smiles, as well as his. It would be so wonderful to have you both here together, but I often think you visit him, as he smiles into the air without us seeing what it it is that has captured his attention. I hope you visit us all.

Thumbwitch Fri 13-Feb-15 08:13:37

Hope DD2 is better now, Cup - it must be terrifying. sad I have enough Fear about my boys getting seriously ill, it must be so much worse when you've already had the worst thing happen to one of your children thanks

I think you're right that it's best not know what will happen; we'd forget to live in the moment while waiting for the blows to fall. sad

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