'What the caterpillar perceives is the end, to the butterfly is just the beginning.' Our journey after Beatrice

(816 Posts)

Beatrice died on 24th October aged 1 year, 1 month, 1 week and 1 day. She was buried on 2nd November. As she starts her new life as a butterfly, we are left on the ground feeling bewildered and bereft. I read a short piece at her funeral, and I stand by it:

'I often felt that being Beatrice's mum was much like holding a butterfly. I was in awe of her beauty and felt so privileged that she had chosen to come to me. But, much like a butterfly, I knew that one day she would spread her wings and fly away.

When Beatrice was one day old, a kind stranger shared this poem with me, and it sums up how I feel about Beatrice:

"A butterfly lights besides us like a sunbeam. And for a brief moment its glory and beauty belongs to the world.
But then it flies once again, and though we wish it could have stayed, we feel so lucky to have seen it."

I feel so lucky to have been chosen as Beatrice's mum and I truly believe that the immense grief we must now suffer is still a small price to play for the love she brought into our lives.

Goodnight Beatrice'

I still feel her love in my heart, but I am struggling without her in my arms. I miss caring for her and kissing her. Looking at her and stroking her hair. Singing to her, always singing so many songs. I haven't sung a song since she died, but I don't want the music to leave my life as it means I have let the grief win.

Fly high little butterfly, but please don't forget all of us left behind who hold you, still so fragile, in our hearts and memories. Please don't forget me, Beatrice x

Thinking of you today cup.

You and Beatrice are often in my thoughts x

bumpybecky Fri 24-Oct-14 21:34:53

thinking of you today Cup flowers

Rowgtfc72 Fri 24-Oct-14 21:25:00

Thinking of you and your family today cup.

CaffeineDeficit Fri 24-Oct-14 17:03:32

Cup, thinking of you and your family today. Please know that your beautiful girl will influence many people's lives, and their understanding of the importance of love, for ever.

cup, I am so pleased for you to read that the Teaset has Mrcup back. I do so hope you can be work it all out together.

Bea is often on my mind - I don't think anyone who has seen those amazing eyes would be able to forget her in her hurry.

You will always be Bea's mum and she your daughter, and the world is a poorer place without her.

Continue to enjoy Albert and all his typical baby behaviours thanks

Thumbscrewswitch Fri 24-Oct-14 15:08:59

She'll always be a part of your family, I'm sure that your DDs still remember her too.
((((hugs)))) and strength to you all today and always xx thanks

Thank you for your kind messages- as always, it means so much that she is remembered.

There's not much to say really, it's been two long years, and so much has changed, but our love never will.

I just miss her so much. The world can never be quite the same since she came and left. Her short presence will influence my life for ever, of that I'm certain x

Asheth Fri 24-Oct-14 13:05:42

Thinking of you and your family today Cup. I hope that your memories of your beautiful Beatrice can bring you as many smiles as tears.

Beatrice will never be forgotten. xxx

TheDowagerDuchessOfDinglyDell Fri 24-Oct-14 06:00:14

Love.

Sorry.

TheDowagerDuchessOfDinglyDell Fri 24-Oct-14 05:59:06

Thinking of you all today. Live and light.

Antiopa12 Fri 24-Oct-14 05:34:23

Thinking of the teacup family today. Will always remember how you managed to take Beatrice to the mountains.

Thumbwitch Thu 23-Oct-14 03:13:25

Just caught up again - congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby Albert - and how lucky he is to have an angel sister to watch over him as well as his earth sisters. All such beautiful children, like their mummy. xx

I'm glad MrCup realised that he had too much to lose and came home - hope that he remembers that for the rest of his life and stays with you all.

Best wishes for tomorrow - I'll light my candle for Beatrice, and remember her cute little smile and big eyes. xxx

SWIMTHECHANNEL Tue 21-Oct-14 18:09:15

I'm very conscious that the 24th is approaching, Cup. I know it will be brutally hard for you and I wish there was something we could do, besides assure you that Beatrice Primrose is not forgotten.

(was Carole Service)

Itsfab Mon 06-Oct-14 16:59:24

How lovely you have MrCup home and Albert sounds a total delight, as you all are.

fhdl34 Wed 24-Sep-14 15:00:41

I am so pleased your husband has come back, I hope things work out. I imagine it is so natural to fear you will lose Albert after everything you've been through. I think it is a fear that resonates with every parent in some way, but obviously much deeper when you have already lost a child. You made many happy memories with Bea, I'm sure you are doing the same with Albert too.

Almostfifty Tue 16-Sep-14 21:37:37

I remember your posts then so well Cup. I can't believe it's three years since you started that journey.

I've been thinking of you and your lovely family.

Thinking of you x

Trumpton Tue 16-Sep-14 17:26:29

Oh three years ago your wonderful butterfly entered your life for such a bitter sweet time.
My thoughts are with you all.

Antiopa12 Tue 16-Sep-14 16:12:36

Hope you get through today despite bittersweet memories.
Bea was a beautiful baby and so loved by her family.

stareatthetvscreen Tue 16-Sep-14 14:10:07

xx sending a hug on beas birthday xx

was here at the time and followed your journey together xx

so happy to hear how your life is now smile

SWIMTHECHANNEL Tue 16-Sep-14 14:00:02

Thinking of you all, Cup, and especially Bea.

We all learned from her.

xxxxx

3 years ago today my whole life changed when you were born, Beatrice. I can't thank you enough for the memories, and for the lessons you taught me. I'll never forget you, as long as I live.

How I wish today was different.

pixiestix Wed 10-Sep-14 16:26:05

I was thinking of beautiful Beatrice today, with her birthday on the horizon, and came across your news. Congratulations!! How lovely to have a little boy to add to the teaset. I'm sure Beatrice is very happy and proud of her little brother. Thinking of you Cup, especially at the time of year. Xx

Cup, I think it is the most natural thing in the world to worry about losing Albert after losing Bea. It is natural for any new mummy to worry but with you it will be magnified.
Do you have anyone you can talk to when the fears get too strong? I don't know if you've had counselling or if that is something you would consider? Do you and DH talk things through?
How are the girls? It must be so bitter sweet to have a baby again, to see them interacting with him. I think you need to give yourself time to process all the complicated emotions. Keep posting on here if it helps xxxx

SWIMTHECHANNEL Sun 07-Sep-14 14:53:06

Oh Cup sad

I have no magic words for you, but I didn't want this to go unanswered.

All I can offer are (((( ))))

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