'What the caterpillar perceives is the end, to the butterfly is just the beginning.' Our journey after Beatrice

(824 Posts)

Beatrice died on 24th October aged 1 year, 1 month, 1 week and 1 day. She was buried on 2nd November. As she starts her new life as a butterfly, we are left on the ground feeling bewildered and bereft. I read a short piece at her funeral, and I stand by it:

'I often felt that being Beatrice's mum was much like holding a butterfly. I was in awe of her beauty and felt so privileged that she had chosen to come to me. But, much like a butterfly, I knew that one day she would spread her wings and fly away.

When Beatrice was one day old, a kind stranger shared this poem with me, and it sums up how I feel about Beatrice:

"A butterfly lights besides us like a sunbeam. And for a brief moment its glory and beauty belongs to the world.
But then it flies once again, and though we wish it could have stayed, we feel so lucky to have seen it."

I feel so lucky to have been chosen as Beatrice's mum and I truly believe that the immense grief we must now suffer is still a small price to play for the love she brought into our lives.

Goodnight Beatrice'

I still feel her love in my heart, but I am struggling without her in my arms. I miss caring for her and kissing her. Looking at her and stroking her hair. Singing to her, always singing so many songs. I haven't sung a song since she died, but I don't want the music to leave my life as it means I have let the grief win.

Fly high little butterfly, but please don't forget all of us left behind who hold you, still so fragile, in our hearts and memories. Please don't forget me, Beatrice x

Her grave is the place where her body is laid to rest, no her. What made Beatrice who she was will always be with you.

Much love, as ever x.

Carrotcakeisace Fri 23-Nov-12 22:12:45

Of course Bea is with you all the time, I understand completely what you mean about the grave, you all love Bea and she loved all of you. She isn't in the ground she is in your heart and mind and in the hearts and minds of your dh and the girls. I am reminded of this poem now and whilst I'm sure you know it, I hope it will give you strength (I know it helps me)

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Mary Elizabeth Frye

Bea will always be with you, love and prayers as always x

trumpton Sat 24-Nov-12 01:09:05

I can only agree with Carrot Bea will always with you x

A month today since you left us.
My heart aches with pain,
My eyes mist over when I remember
That I won’t see you here again.

Your beautiful eyes so full of trust,
Your heart so full of love.
I kissed your cheeks every day.
Can you see me cry from above?

Your curly hair, all soft and wild!
I smelled it every day
As I held you tight with tender hugs.
Why did you go away?

I would’ve given everything to keep you,
Surely God, You know I tried?
I only wanted a little longer
To have Beatrice by my side.

Now Christmas approaches,
And I’m facing it with dread.
Two of my children so excited,
My little baby, dead.

So if you see me smiling,
Please know it’s just pretend,
Because I’ll never, ‘Get over’ losing you,
I don’t expect this pain to end.

For God gave me the greatest gift
When he gave me gorgeous Bea,
I tried my best you keep you safe,
To keep you here with me.

But God must have other plans,
He couldn’t let you stay.
So fly high, little butterfly,
Until we meet one day.

Darling don’t forget us,
The lonely ones left on Earth.
Please watch over your sisters,
They’ve adored you since your birth.

I’m still your mum, my precious Beatrice,
I’m proud of all three daughters.
But you were extra special darling,
Just look at what you taught us:

Love, trust, hope and faith,
You taught these things anew.
I’m so proud to be your mum-
The one and only you.

Everlong Sat 24-Nov-12 09:50:57

Just beautiful cup.
sad

Crying here. You capture your love so beautifully.

janey68 Sat 24-Nov-12 10:02:47

Beatrice will always be your precious daughter, and what she has taught you lives on in your life and her daddy's and sisters'.
Not how you would have chosen things to be, but it's the truth.

KateUnrulyBush Sat 24-Nov-12 10:10:11

Oh goodness crying here reading your beautiful heartfelt poem.

God bless you and Beatrice xx

Oh Cup

Hugs to all of you.

bishboschone Sat 24-Nov-12 13:02:48

Beautiful words as ever cup , I think of you daily and check in to see how you are . I wish I could do something to take your pain away . Life is so so cruel sometimes . sad

Rowgtfc72 Sat 24-Nov-12 13:16:53

Beautiful cup x

((Cup))

Cup, I found this today. Thought it sums up perfectly how we feel...

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Kahlil Gibran

JustFabulous Sat 24-Nov-12 16:30:46

Oh.

Goodness me that is the most powerful thing I have ever read on here.

x

Everlong Sat 24-Nov-12 16:53:03

That's such a beautiful quote miasmummy thanks

DutchOma Sat 24-Nov-12 17:23:26

Oh Cup, I so hope that quote is a comfort to you. All the time I am praying that your grief will not overwhelm you, but that you will find some comfort.

Somersaults Sat 24-Nov-12 19:13:26

Beautiful words Cup. Your writing always moves me. Thinking of you often xxx

BetsyBlingtastic Sat 24-Nov-12 21:09:14

So much truth in your beautiful poem, cup my heart breaks for you x

fhdl34 Sat 24-Nov-12 22:51:48

So beautiful cup, you write so beautifully and honestly. Bea will always be with you xxx

pannetone Sat 24-Nov-12 23:41:21

Remembering Beatrice especially today - one month after you lost her. They played what I now think of as Beatrice's song ('Thank you for the days') when I was collecting an order in M and S today. It's a beautiful song (I didn't know it before) and that lovely montage of photos you made of Beatrice played through my head. And it seemed so right to be remembering Beatrice in the hustle and bustle of Christmas crowds and the frenetic searching for presents. Beatrice's life was such a gift to so many of us - and it reminds us of all the true gifts that you can't buy; courage, determination, patience, strength and, most of all, love.

Your poem is beautiful Cup. x

trumpton Sun 25-Nov-12 02:48:52

Wonderful words Cup . Your love shines through. Fly on through the sun lit meadows little butterfly .

saffronwblue Sun 25-Nov-12 03:58:15

Thinking of you cup and the precious love between you and Beatrice.

MNP Mon 26-Nov-12 00:31:42

So beautiful Cup.

fluffypillow Mon 26-Nov-12 19:42:43

Just perfect. Beautiful words for your beautiful girl x

QOD Mon 26-Nov-12 19:50:16

sad

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