For anyone who is grieving for one of their parents

(421 Posts)
mummylin Thu 27-Sep-12 14:06:16

I have started a new thread as i was having trouble loading up the old one I will link the two together if poss.

t875 Tue 06-Nov-12 20:38:16

I can't see the pictures. Sorry about the broken messages my phones playing up...

mummylin Tue 06-Nov-12 20:42:21

i will jut check that i have put your name in properly i think i have though

mummylin Tue 06-Nov-12 20:50:21

yes i have so i dont know why you cant see the pic.Im not sure how it comes up.is it on its own or is it with the other pictures that anyone can look at ? Im sure you only have to click on my profile and you should be able to see it

ssd Tue 06-Nov-12 21:26:35

its the first photo thats shown x

I've lost the thread! I will read back when I can, dd1 not been well.

Thinking of you all.

The memorial service I went to was lovely. We all lit little tealights and when they were all lit they looked like a little river of flame, beautiful. I lit a candle for everyone-on-this-thread.

This was used, found it very moving:

Into the sadness and smiles of our memories
We let you go
Into the cycle of living and dying and rising again
We let you go
May you rest in peace, in loving, in fulfilment
May you run straight home into God's embrace
Into the freedom of the wind and the sunshine
We let you go
Into the dance of the stars and the planets
We let you go
Into the wind's breath and the hands of the star maker
We let you go
We love you, we miss you, we want you to be happy
Go safely home, dancing over our memories

It's mum's birthday today. She would have been 75. I bought a little cake, lit a candle and had a cry. Spoke to my sis, dad, aunts and uncle.

mummylin Tue 06-Nov-12 22:05:48

What beautiful words bella .Hope your dd will soon perk up. I am having trouble with this thread loading up now so i will maybe have to start a new one tomorrow with a link from this one.I really do have to consider buying a new one,but i wont until this one packs up altogether.Anyway maybe i will have one for xmas from my dh !!! he is at footi tonight so its peaceful here .

t875 Tue 06-Nov-12 22:53:50

Oh mummylin the flowers look lovely. You worked very hard.

Your garden is huge!! smile
Bella- happy 75th birthday to your mum! That sounds lovely what u did with the cake and candle. The poem you posted had comforting words.
We had fish and chips on my mums birthday and we've decided that's what we will do every year and let off a balloon over the hills

Having a wobble tonight. Just kills me that I can't talk to her. I did talk to her tonight and answered for her!! Sometimes it helps!! My youngest looked at me like I'm nuts!

Ssd - hope your going along today. Always here for you.
I must look at Gordon smith more. Can u let me know what the book is called??

t875 Tue 06-Nov-12 22:54:55

Here got all of you.
This thread really has helped me.
Thinking of you all x

mummylin Wed 07-Nov-12 09:32:34

Good morning everyone.Glad you all like mums little patch.I would like to plant some little minature daffs there ready for the spring but the place is overun by bloody squirrels who will dig them all up.They often eat the heads of carnations too,so that when we go back there we are left with stems ! Off for a relaxing hair do this morning,i just love my hair being mucked about with i could go to sleep ! I hope you will all have a bit better day than yesterday.
t875 at least by answering yourself back you get the right reply.I talk to my mum too just hoping she will hear me.I hate to think that one day its going to be my own children feeling like i do now.I find that thought upsetting.I think mums death has made me more aware of my own mortality.I used to think that MY mum would be here forever.It just shows tha really we should try and enjoy ourselves whilst we are here.Life is so fragile. thanks for you all x

t875 Wed 07-Nov-12 10:49:15

Yeah mummylin it really does make you think doesn't it. I have paranoid thoughts about going to bed incase I don't wake up. But I've had to shut them out. But it's definately made me worried about losing my family. Guess your right. Enjoy every day it's not a rehearsal I guess..

Ooh enjoy being pampered today! I need a good hair cut I'm gonna look like runpunzel soon! Lol.
Feel a bit better today. Sunshine helps!! X

Thinking of everyone. X

ssd Wed 07-Nov-12 19:34:57

I'm finding thinking about xmas and all of it really hard

that advert from asda. it shows how much the mum does. ok I know its over the top, but I know the mum usually does most of it (I do anyway...), but this yr I can't get into anything...but I know I must. cos no one else will...dh is a great dad, but he doesn't think....God its all so hard isn't it...this year my boys have no grandparents at all to spoil them, thats so heartbreaking for me, they are such good kids and they only have me and dh...life sucks, big time...I know we should be grateful we have each other but I want someone else to spoil them, my mum always did and shes not here now..theres no one else to replace her, she was the last grandparent left

ssd Wed 07-Nov-12 20:15:04

sorryn to go on, but you know what else I';m avoiding - half these threads on MN

they all seem to be about "having my mum over and my in laws on xmas day" or "who do I invite on xmas day, I always have my mum and dad here" etc etc

its just way too much for me

then theres a thread with a sticky about name your number one person, or something like that...God I darent click on it, it must be full of girls posting "my mum of course"

avoid avoid avoid is my new motto

ssd Wed 07-Nov-12 21:07:04

sorry its me again, you can tell I'm home alone tonight!!

aren't some people just crap when you're bereaved? I have a cousin, in Oz, who I email...I expected her to be really brilliant and caring...well after at first calling me once and fb ing me, I've hardly heard from her. Now I know the worlds not stopped because I've lost my mum, but really do people just not think/care? Is it because they still have 2 healthy parents they can just forget about you and let you get on with things alone?? My cousin knows my siblings aren't close to me, emotionally or physically, the only one I was close to was mum and shes gone...so why doesn't she care enough to bother with me, not even a how are you on fb now....she wrote a few weeks ago, about one month after mum dying "hope today is a great day!!!"
WTF are you nuts I wanted to post (but didnt),,then she posts one of those like thingies where its all "I love mom and my kids grandma this and that" knowing I'd see it and weep

really I knew if you've not been through this its hard to imagine, but not impossible I'd have thought to show just a bit of caring

angry at too many people who should know better

I'll remember this and not be there for them when their time comes...

mummylin Wed 07-Nov-12 21:28:16

I think that unless you have actually lost your own mum poeple really dont realise how awful it is.And we must remember that not everyone has such a close bond with their mum.We are lucky in that we have ,but because of that we are all feeling their deaths so hard to cope with.I too feel upset when i see people being horrible about their mums,but we dont know all the back story.But i just think to myself how i would give anything to have my mum back here with me and i know you would too.Its a very unfair life isnt it.

Had a very dark day today. Collapsed with my illness and spent the whole day in bed in the deepest gloom. Feel guilty that my Mum's death was my fault. She decided to starve herself to death because she had had enough. She knew I loved her so much and I visited her as often as I could. She wasn't ill and had no aches and pains. So why wouldn't she stay for me? I feel lost without her. Feel racked with guilt and misery. Unable to speak coherently to DH or DS. Wish I were with her as I'm so tired of being miserable and ill.

mummylin Wed 07-Nov-12 21:38:42

I think its very difficult for people who still have their mums to understand how devastating it it.Especially if you have always had a close bond as we appear to have.I too get upset when i see others moaning about teir mums and i would give everything i have to have her back here as i know you would too.But its not gonna happen ssd.Somehow we have got to learn to live and carry on without them.I know its tough but really we have no choice.The future at the moment looks so unbearable without her but i know we have to carry on and live our lives.Eventually we have to move on,but i know that none of us will never forget or feel the same again.And i for one am not ready for that yet,but hopefully we will all be there one day and will learn to blot out the sadness and just remember the happy times.I have been very saddened by the complete lack of sympathy and understanding from my dh actually.yet he is not a cruel person at all,he just dosent think !

mummylin Wed 07-Nov-12 21:45:56

GurlwiththeFrothyCurl of course it wasnt your fault.You say yourself that your mum had had enough.How is that your fault.If she had made her mind up there is nothing you could of done.This would of had no bearing of her love for you.She simply did not want to go on.I think this is what happens sometimes.My grandfather decided he was going to die in about 3 weeks.How he reached that idea none of us knew.Then he rallied round and the hospital were going to move him somewhere for convalescence.But he died.He did not want to be here anymore.And i know that he loved me dearly,it wasnt me he wanted to leave behind but his ill health.I expect your mum felt like that too.So please dont beat yourself up about it being your fault.It wasnt x

Thanks mummylin that's kind of you. I know what you say is true really, but my mind is kind of playing tricks on me today. Hopefully, I will manage better tomorrow. Need to go back to work for a start!

mummylin Wed 07-Nov-12 21:56:45

i am having a lot of trouble with the page loading so have started a new thread here ,hopefully it will be better.keep your chin up gurlwithafrothycurl.You will be ok and we are all here for you.

new link

t875 Wed 07-Nov-12 22:07:30

Gurlwithafeather - I agree with mummylin, this wasn't your fault hun and you will seriously beat yourself up and really bring your self down. I also get the mind playing tricks on me too, saying i should have went to her that night but at the end of the day i really didn't think there was anything wrong. Take each day as it comes and go with the emotions, there are days i get bitter, angry, sad, annoyed, a whole roller coaster and when im feeling like that i avoid everyone in rl. x

Ssd - {{hugs}} i know what you mean too, my friend doesn't get on with her mum and since losing my mum i try to say to her you will regret it and try to bond with her, but she says yeah but i don't get on with her as much as you got on with your mum. But i know she will regret it though..blimey i regret a lot of things but i just have to think we were/are devoted.

I also know what you mean about others, i really have had a lot of the immediate family not really check in on me but like mummylin said i don't think they understand unless they walk my shoes..so to speak.

Beachcombergirl Sun 11-Nov-12 21:41:15

It's been just over 4 weeks since mum died suddenly. I am finding being an orphan in my 30s unbearable. I just feel so frightened and fear this heartache will never end. I just want to call my mum for a chat. I want her to continue sharing the joy that my new baby girl had given her. I am so sad and worry I'm being a terrible mum. I was so happy being a new mum but now I just feel heavy hearted and alone. I fear the day when my dd outgrows the last clothes my mum bought and made her. I wonder what she was going to buy her for christmas. Now we will never share that joy. I can't see how I will possibly feel any better.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now