Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 4

(777 Posts)
NatzCNL Sun 12-Feb-12 20:26:03

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to concieve after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
Can'tdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
Lisbeth Salander - baby boy 7/11
Stormbird – George 24/07/11
Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12

linspins Thu 25-Dec-14 14:07:48

Ladies, I don't really post any more, but you will see my name at the beginning on the thread list of babies born. Almost five years ago we were thrilled at the arrival of Franklin, and today he is busy building his first Star Wars Lego.
We have two angels looking down from heaven, and a darling eight year old dd.
I wanted to say a happy Christmas to you all, and wish you a peaceful and wonderful new year. I am thankful at this time of year for what I have...two children here with me making Christmas day magical. I miss and love my angel babies daily, but the terrible all consuming pain dulls and eventually lessens to a manageable level!
Thinking of you all, sending love.

NatzCNLS Sun 07-Dec-14 22:41:22

Hello, I've been thinking of the thread ladies and babies today so thought I would stop by. It has been very quiet on this thread recently which is a good thing! But I wanted to bump it in case anybody was in need of a bit of support.

MademoiselleG I hope you are doing ok. You are right, there are many dark days, but they become fewer as time goes on. I hope your journey gets easier.

LuckyAugust you are on the homeward stretch! I loved the final trimester with my girls, I knew that the longest part was behind me.

Hello to all the older faces who may remember me. I have still not got round to updating the Thread Babies list, but that will be my mission for the New Year!

Christmas always brings Cara to the forefront of my mind, I wonder about her and remember that first Christmas after we said goodbye, and I look at how strong we are now. I never believed that life would ever be normal again. But it is. I'm not sure why I am on here, or what i am trying to say. I guess I am just humbled and want to offer words of comfort and strength to those who find themselves in the situation I was in over 4 years ago. The loss never goes but the pain eases. It becomes bearable and eventually normal again.

Sending you all love xx

LuckyAugust Thu 20-Nov-14 20:44:28

All the very best to you too MademoseilleG. I really hope you conceive again soon. Its probably only now that I'm entering my third trimester that those 'dark days' don't come as frequently as before. I struggled so much with guilt after my tfmr. I remember reading another post not so long ago and someone commented that the OP had saved there child from a lifetime of pain after having a tfmr. This comment really struck a chord with me and whilst I won't ever know just severely affected she would have been I know I did the right thing. Already I feel such a bond with my unborn son and its an odd feeling that I wouldn't have this if we hadn't been through what we had earlier this year. Be gentle with yourself and wishing you lots of luck and happiness xxx

MademoiselleG Mon 17-Nov-14 20:45:24

So lovely to see some good news since I last posted after the TFMR. We are now officially allowed to ttc (not that we took any notice) but the anxiety and grief are dominating everything. I have had some very dark days and know that there probably are many more to come, but I take comfort in reaing that others before me have travelled this horrendous road and have come out the other side, holding a healthy and live baby in their arms.

All the very best to all of you x

Chunkymonkey72 Wed 12-Nov-14 11:48:37

I found this thread invaluable when we lost our little girl. I was drawn to come back as it is her third anniversay soon and did not expect to recognise any names. I do remember mrsbigz and cherry bug though. I did not post much but found coming on here and finding people in similar situations really helped me at a terrible dark time. Our little rainbow baby is now 18 months old and I can't help but see her as a gift from her sister. Thanks to all on this thread for the help and support you give

cherrybug Thu 06-Nov-14 10:14:30

MrsBigz - I remember you well too, how lovely to hear from you! A long time has passed really hasn't it and for the most part I don't think about the pain of losing our baby. But I don't forget her and now and again I think of her and what we went through and feel sad. Then I look at my gorgeous son and cannot imagine him not being here. He is a complete gift. I'm sure you feel the same xx

LuckyAugust - lovely to hear that you are through the harmony test and moving into a hopefully very uneventful pregnancy. I think that as time goes on (and even more so once your DS arrives), people will forget your loss. I think its just the way. Life is for the living isn't it and I suppose only mums have the knowledge of the love you have for an unborn child. Ending a wanted pregnancy is very traumatic. Good luck with your pregnancy. I am not on here much but I pop in for a look from time to time, I'll be looking out for happy news from you xx

mrsbigz Fri 31-Oct-14 00:29:54

hey cherry, completely understand but if it helps I just wanted to let you know that I remember you and your angel. can't believe it is 4 years ago. I hope you are doing OK - it is on anniversaries and 'due dates' that I find myself most vulnerable and drawn back here too.
just wanted to say I remember her (and you / your support when I went through similar). sending big hugs to you. and to all everyone else on this thread, I hope you all get your rainbow babies xxx

LuckyAugust Thu 30-Oct-14 20:36:23

Hi cherrybug. Having read this entire thread many times its so nice when someone pops back on to say hello. So glad to hear of the arrival of your son. Its amazing how quickly people forget. I had a tfmr (also due to our daughter having a rare chromosome disorder) earlier this year. Everyone stopped talking about it 2 weeks afterwards. I was so confused by this, if I tried to talk about it the subject tended to be changed very quickly. I know they didn't know what to say but for me it helped (and still does) to talk about her. I would have been due on the 4th August and even though I am pregnant again and we had recently had harmony results back showing this baby was ok I still struggled with the run up to that date and afterwards. No one remembered, even dh didn't mention it until I had a rant at him blush .Hoping to get our happy ending too, I think I'll only really believe it could happen when my ds arrives x

cherrybug Thu 30-Oct-14 11:50:09

Hello, an old timer here just popping in very briefly. I hope no one minds.
It was my daughters anniversary on Tuesday this week. It was 4 years ago now that we ended the pregnancy due to a very rare chromosomal abnormality and I am now the only person who remembers her and thinks of her. Even my DH doesn't remember the date. I just felt I wanted to pop in to this thread which was so invaluable to me during that dark time.

Life goes on I know.

To all here, good luck with TTC and pregnancies. More often than not there is indeed a happy ending - there was for me with the subsequent birth of my lovely son. The pain eases but I don't think many of us will ever forget our loss. x

LuckyAugust Tue 28-Oct-14 16:11:47

Sorry offbeatgirl, despite knowing your name from previous posts (and because we had our tfmr in the same month sad ) I completely missed the part on your post where you announced your pregnancy too. Congratulations! Glad to hear your 20 week scan went well. Despite having an low anterior placenta my little one is giving me some big kicks which is fantastic and now finally making things seem a bit more real smile smile smile x

offbeatgirl Mon 27-Oct-14 19:08:52

Hello all,

Glad to hear that everything is looking good Lucky, and I'm hoping things are also going well for you DSR, and that the transfer goes well for you notin. I had a TFMR back in February, and have been worrying myself silly with this pregnancy, but I've just got back from my 20 week scan and no problems were detected. I'm finally beginning to think that I'll get to hold this baby in my arms.

I hope everything is going ok for other people on this thread, and that we all get a happy outcome in the end flowers

LuckyAugust Fri 24-Oct-14 19:28:08

Bumping in case needed...... Hoping your pregnancy is progressing well 'DRS' and for a happy outcome for you 'not in a great place'. I'm happy to report I'm almost 25 weeks, problems with my placenta causing some worries but in all honesty I was always going to worry in this pregnancy anyway. Hoping other posters on this thread are well too xx

notinagreatplace Wed 22-Oct-14 12:15:55

Hello all,

After the very late tfmr that I had a few months ago, we are now preparing for a frozen blastocyst transfer - most likely in early December. I am slightly petrified. On balance, I think this is the right thing to do - I'm not getting any younger, we only have one frozen blastocyst and we need donor eggs (very early menopause - I just get all the luck!) so, if it doesn't work, we will need to go back on the waiting list for a donor. I think, on balance, the only thing that will make us feel significantly better about the horrible infertility plus random genetic disorder thing is actually having a baby. We have a pretty good shot with the frozen blast - it's top quality, I'm still (just about) under 35, and the only previous transfer that we did worked - but I'm still a bit terrified that it's going to go horribly wrong.

DRSLondon Fri 15-Aug-14 08:23:57

I don't think I have made it through a single day of this pregnancy without panicking that this baby, like our last, will have spina bifida. I'm so scared of having to give up another desperately wanted child. I know it's unlikely but it was unlikely last time and it happened. Am only at 9 weeks so we have a long road ahead.
I really don't want to focus too much on the pregnancy, in case it has to end, but it's getting harder to ignore with the nausea and small bump appearing.
Deep breaths.

Blogging my anxiety at and that seems to help process my feelings.

Good luck to all you brave ladies xxx

lostlove Fri 08-Aug-14 17:43:14

Glad the scan was reassuring, Lucky.

Do keep us updated as your pregnancy progresses - it's so nice to read the happy stories, especially when the journey has been so hard.

Enjoy it! smile

LuckyAugust Thu 07-Aug-14 17:46:17

Thanks everyone. Our 12 week scan went great and our little guy is due 9th feb. All starting to feel very real and exciting now. After a horrific year so far this just feels amazing. Thanks for reading and sharing your stories. You have all helped me so much thanks thanks thanks thanks

lostlove Sat 02-Aug-14 02:20:50

Hurray! So happy to read your news, Lucky thanks

offbeatgirl Fri 01-Aug-14 19:26:14

That's so lovely to hear LuckyAugust smile All the best with next week's scan!

AliBingo Fri 01-Aug-14 17:28:09

Congrats LuckyAugust that's great news!

LuckyAugust Fri 01-Aug-14 16:28:34

Hi ladies, hope everyone is well. Just wanted to add my news that our harmony test results came back today and everything is ok. We still have the 12 week scan to go next week but just getting the results today is such a huge relief. The timing is perfect too, its my birthday on Sunday and Monday would have been my due date if my last pregnancy hadn't ended. After whats been an awful year so far and then a huge amount of stress and worry since finding out I was pregnant I could burst with joy. I know I still have a long way to go but I have hope now. Now me and dh just need to try and agree on a boys name wink, at least we have a bit longer to discuss. Reading the stories over and over again on this thread made such a difference to me when I was at my lowest and felt so alone. Don't give up x

offbeatgirl Fri 18-Jul-14 17:48:24

I hope you found that the cremation of your little one brought you some peace Mademoiselle. It's awful that you have to go through this x

Thanks for you thoughts Ali. My age puts me at a slightly higher risk in any case, so I may well go straight for a CVS, as long as I'm in the hands of an experienced consultant! Slightly disconcerted to find that they've recently restructured maternity care provision where I live, and my GP is unable to refer me directly back to the Hospital that treated me last time. Instead everyone now has to go through a central booking system, and I've been slotted into one of the other city's hospitals for my first appointment. Still, at least they're seeing me fairly quickly.

Hope everyone is doing ok thanks

DRSLondon Wed 16-Jul-14 17:23:47

So sorry for your loss. Happier times will come in the future. Don't give up. All the best xx

MademoiselleG Tue 15-Jul-14 21:18:18

Ali that sounds like really good advice about the cvs, I'd never considered that the doctor performing it would come with his/her own statistics. Seems obvious now! I know that I would totally 100% do it all over again just the same: go for all the tests and get 100% confirmation if anything is wrong.

AFM: well, little baby Gabriel (we chose it because it is unisex in our mother tongue and is, fittingly, the name of an angel...) was 'born' some time between 9 and 10 this morning. We had a blessing at the mortuary with the priest this afternoon.
There were a few complications during the operation but I've been released now. I've lost a lot of blood and feel very weak, but I know that the physical wounds will heal soon...

I feel strangely at peace, knowing that s/he will never suffer. It was beautiful to spend some time with our baby and say farewell. S/he will be cremated Friday.

I know in time, we will think about ttc again. In the meantime, I wish all of you on here bfps bad healthy pregnancies, as serene as can be. thanks

AliBingo Tue 15-Jul-14 19:14:41

Been following this thread but not found time to post. So sorry to hear Monten's news, and sad to see the newcomers on here.

Just wanted to say to Offbeatgirl, I think Harmony definitely looked for Edwards and Patau as well as Downs. But my consultant advised me to go straight to CVS for any future pregnancies after T21 TFMR, because my risk will now always be considered 1 in 100 so it makes more sense to do a CVS. I guess there is that increased risk of miscarriage but for me it felt right to go for CVS. The msicarriage rate does vary a lot from doctor to doctor too apparently, and it's good to use someone who does a lot of them. I think amnio is lower risk but has to be done later.


offbeatgirl Tue 15-Jul-14 18:58:41

Hello all,

I've not posted here for a couple of weeks. I'm very sorry to hear about Monten's loss, and I hope you're coping ok Mademoiselle. It's great to hear about the BFPs though -congratulations to Lucky and DSR xx

I was also fortunate to get a BFP this month after a tfmr back in February for my first pregnancy. I'm really thrilled, but also worried that it'll end in a miscarriage or another lethal abnormality (even though there isn't supposed to be a recurrence risk with the problem I had first time round, so I suppose I'm lucky in that respect). I got the first positive around a week ago, but my GP appointment isn't until this Friday. It might sound a bit crazy, but I figure that as time passes my risk of miscarriage decreases, so I didn't want to rush down there.

Although it's very unlikely that I'd have the same problem again, I still want to test to rule out some of the lethal abnormalities as early as possible. I'd fork out for Harmony or Nifty, but I'm a little worried that they're designed primarily to detect Downs (as is the NT scan), and I'm more concerned about Edwards and Patau syndromes. Has anyone used one of these tests to try and pick up these conditions, and is it a ridiculous idea to go straight for a CVS? Emily Oster's book suggests that the miscarriage risks of the CVS are vastly overstated because if you've had a CVS and you then miscarry, the miscarriage is attributed to the CVS, whereas in practice the miscarriage might have had nothing to do with the CVS. Then again, if I had a CVS and subsequently miscarried, I'd probably always wonder if it was because of the CVS...

Maybe I'm just over thinking this!

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