Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 4

(792 Posts)
NatzCNL Sun 12-Feb-12 20:26:03

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to concieve after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
Can'tdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
Lisbeth Salander - baby boy 7/11
Stormbird – George 24/07/11
Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12

LuckyAugust Mon 30-Mar-15 18:25:44

Thinking of you today mrsbigz thanks thanks thanks thanks x

mrsbigz Sun 29-Mar-15 21:17:03

hello ladies, some of you may remember me - I gained invaluable support from this thread 4 years ago when we lost our little girl who had t21 and a very large cystic hygroma.
it's her anniversary tomorrow which is always such a bittersweet time for us. had the diagnosis been 'simply' t21 we would have continued with the pregnancy, but the specialists we saw at the time were so concerned about the amount of fluid around her body (from her head right down to the bottom of her spine) that they couldn't rule out brain damage or severe learning difficulties as a result of it. we made the decision that was best for us and or young family at the time, but not a day goes by when I don't imagine "what if". the pain certainly lessens over time, but it never goes away. our two ds's didn't know about it at the time but they do know now that they had a sister, and my eldest came with me today to visit her grave, bless him, with all the questions that an innocent 7yr old has. I'm lucky to have had another ds since, and like to think of him as a gift from our angel girl. than you again to the many wonderful woman on here who held my (virtual) hands over a number of weeks, who let me vent and cry and shout about the unfairness of it all. I'll never forget you, and no doubt will be drawn to this thread at this time each year for many years to come xxx

LuckyAugust Sat 21-Mar-15 16:15:48

Congratulations offbeat girl- that is such fantastic news smile . I've been popping onto the thread daily awaiting your news and so thrilled for you. Take lots of care xxx thanks thanks

offbeatgirl Sat 21-Mar-15 15:42:34

Just popping on to the thread to announce the birth of my gorgeous little son, who made his arrival on Wednesday night via an unplanned c-section. I absolutely smitten and can't stop staring at him or cuddling him. So happy to have him in my arms at last. x

LuckyAugust Sat 28-Feb-15 11:31:41

Hi Jodie - sorry I can't help with your query but you might want to google 'Unique'. There an organisation who help parents and research rare chromosome disorders. I'm sure I've read something on there about the issues you're asking about. Might be worth contacting them for advice x

JodieMacdonald31 Sun 22-Feb-15 14:30:38

Hi all, not sure if this is the correct place to post.

I have a 8 year old son, in early pregnancy I got high risk down syndrome. I had a amino, that came back with a balanced translocation.
Me & his dad had test. We didn't carry a translocation.
I saw a consultant who advised me to terminate at 22 weeks, but he couldn't say what effects the balanced translation would have.
I went ahead and had my son, he's autistic. But to me perfectly normal, in mainstream school, got friends, really bright & happy ect ect.
I now have a new partner who wants a child.
What I'm asking really is would I be likely to have a baby with another balanced translocation?

LuckyAugust Sat 14-Feb-15 19:44:26

Thank you so much mrsbigz. How lovely that you have 3 boys too. I'm absolutely loving being a mummy to 3 and feel as though life has taken a total turn, I didn't think I would feel this happy again. Hope everyone else is ok. Getting closer to your due date offbeatgirl, will eagerly await your news....... xx

mrsbigz Sat 14-Feb-15 00:50:15

congratulations lucky smile wonderful news to see when I just popped back on for a read through, I knew you were due around now!!!!!
as a mum of 3 boys (& and angel dd) I completely get it, I still wonder what my life would have been like with her... but if course then I wouldn't have ds3 and can't imagine life without him. and with 3 boys in your life there is so much fun and laughter and noise........ enjoy it (particularly the newborn cuddles!) xxx

LuckyAugust Fri 06-Feb-15 14:44:03

Thanks so much Offbeatgirl. Absolutely loving being a mummy to 3 and so pleased I got my happy ending. You will too- hope you're doing ok. Not much longer to go....... x

offbeatgirl Sun 01-Feb-15 18:58:12

Thanks for popping back for the update, and many congratulations on the birth of your DS3, LuckyAugust. That's lovely news smile

It's always great to hear when there's a happy outcome after a TFMR, even though the loss will always stay with us on one level. I hope you're recovering well after your section, and can now focus your energies on raising your family. Take care, and enjoy newborn cuddles flowers x

LuckyAugust Thu 29-Jan-15 21:46:49

Hi everyone, I am thrilled to announce the birth of my beautiful DS born on Monday. His arrival has healed me more than I actually thought possible. Whilst I won't ever forget or wonder how life with our DD would have turned out, instead I've been blessed with my amazing son. I finally feel like my family is complete and chose to be sterilised after my section. I've had baby making on the brain for 6 years (3 DS's, 1 miscarriage at 6 weeks and tfmr at just over 15 weeks). Its been such a rollercoaster but now its the start of a new chapter watching our children grow up. I feel so blessed and lucky. Hope you're doing ok too Offbeatgirl. Not too much longer left for you. I know what you mean about explaining what number baby this is and most definitely about being obsessed with baby movements. Up until the point J was put in my arms I still thought something would go wrong. But he's here and its my time now to move forward. I'll always pop back to this thread and can't wait until you announce your fantastic news. You're nearly there thanks thanks thanks thanks x

offbeatgirl Wed 21-Jan-15 15:53:01

Do let us know when your little son has arrived - three boys sounds like a lot of fun! smile I've got no idea whether I'm expecting a girl or boy, but as DH is the youngest of 4 boys (and has 2 nephews, but no nieces), I'd bet on a boy.

I's hard to balance the excitement of preparing for our little one in March, and the grief of facing the anniversary of losing our DD. Without her loss, we wouldn't be expecting DC2. People also keep asking me, 'is this your first?' - and I never know whether to answer that honestly, or just say 'yes': it seems a bit unfair to answer a well-meaning question with an answer that might make people feel uncomfortable, but it also seems wrong to deny the existence of DD. Even the midwives sometimes refer to this as my first baby, despite the TFMR being in the case notes. It's like being in a strange limbo-land: I have no idea how the birth experience will compare this time round. All I know is that losing my daughter has made this baby seem all the more precious; I can't bear the thought of losing this baby, and I'm a bit obsessive about monitoring baby movements. I refused to buy anything for the baby before Christmas in case things went wrong, but I snapped afterwards when I saw some bargains in the sales, and have now picked up most of the essentials.

I'm working until late February and while it's pretty quiet now at work, I expect it to be pretty hectic from next week. Maybe that's a good thing, and will keep me distracted? xx

LuckyAugust Wed 21-Jan-15 11:24:17

Thank you so much Offbeatgirl thanks thanks thanks thanks . It feels so amazing to be almost at the end, especially when I think back to this time last year when we're approaching the anniversary of it all going horrifically wrong. It has been a total emotional rollercoaster! Its weird but this last few weeks I've felt guilty that I haven't been thinking about our DD more. I've been imagining 3 boys and how wonderful that would be. It would have also been wonderful to have 2 boys and our DD but it didn't work out and it feels horrid to think I wouldn't be so excited about meeting our new son if that hadn't of happened last year. I'm not sure if that makes sense hmm . I won't forget the pain and heartbreak of last year but I know that the arrival of our DS will make it easier to remember. I'm still scared and won't relax till he's here but I'm so grateful I got the chance to do this again. My nerves (and DH) won't let me do it again though and I am definitely getting my tubes tied straight after my section which I feel a huge sense of relief about- my family will be complete and I know I won't have to deal with that 9 months of worry again. I will certainly be a frequent visitor to this board still and will eagerly await your news. Do you know what you're having and are you ready? I finished work before christmas so getting to this point has totally dragged!!! Thanks again for your lovely message and will hopefully be posting an update on Monday xxx

offbeatgirl Wed 21-Jan-15 10:15:20

Lucky, I just wanted to wish you all the best for the arrival of your little one on the 26th (just five days to go now!) I'm sure it'll be a huge relief to hold him/her in your arms flowers Do pop back on the board afterwards and let us know how it goes.

I'm jumping the hurdles in the other direction - I lost my little daughter back in February last year, and DC2 is due in March. It'll be some emotional rollercoaster, but I can't wait to meet my LO.

Hope everyone on the thread is doing ok x

LuckyAugust Sun 11-Jan-15 11:06:04

Bumping in case needed......... Hi everyone, happy new year! Hi to Linspins and Natz too and thanks for coming back. Well its almost a year since we were about to go through our horror - 31st January 2014 was the day it all started....... I'm hoping the anniversary of this date and then remembering the horrible time that followed will be eased by the arrival of my little one who is expected to be delivered via c-section on the 26th January. Eeeek 2 weeks tomorrow. I don't think I've truly relaxed this time round and there is not a chance I am putting myself through this again!!! Sending big hugs to everyone thanks thanks thanks thanks

linspins Thu 25-Dec-14 14:07:48

Ladies, I don't really post any more, but you will see my name at the beginning on the thread list of babies born. Almost five years ago we were thrilled at the arrival of Franklin, and today he is busy building his first Star Wars Lego.
We have two angels looking down from heaven, and a darling eight year old dd.
I wanted to say a happy Christmas to you all, and wish you a peaceful and wonderful new year. I am thankful at this time of year for what I have...two children here with me making Christmas day magical. I miss and love my angel babies daily, but the terrible all consuming pain dulls and eventually lessens to a manageable level!
Thinking of you all, sending love.

NatzCNLS Sun 07-Dec-14 22:41:22

Hello, I've been thinking of the thread ladies and babies today so thought I would stop by. It has been very quiet on this thread recently which is a good thing! But I wanted to bump it in case anybody was in need of a bit of support.

MademoiselleG I hope you are doing ok. You are right, there are many dark days, but they become fewer as time goes on. I hope your journey gets easier.

LuckyAugust you are on the homeward stretch! I loved the final trimester with my girls, I knew that the longest part was behind me.

Hello to all the older faces who may remember me. I have still not got round to updating the Thread Babies list, but that will be my mission for the New Year!

Christmas always brings Cara to the forefront of my mind, I wonder about her and remember that first Christmas after we said goodbye, and I look at how strong we are now. I never believed that life would ever be normal again. But it is. I'm not sure why I am on here, or what i am trying to say. I guess I am just humbled and want to offer words of comfort and strength to those who find themselves in the situation I was in over 4 years ago. The loss never goes but the pain eases. It becomes bearable and eventually normal again.

Sending you all love xx

LuckyAugust Thu 20-Nov-14 20:44:28

All the very best to you too MademoseilleG. I really hope you conceive again soon. Its probably only now that I'm entering my third trimester that those 'dark days' don't come as frequently as before. I struggled so much with guilt after my tfmr. I remember reading another post not so long ago and someone commented that the OP had saved there child from a lifetime of pain after having a tfmr. This comment really struck a chord with me and whilst I won't ever know just severely affected she would have been I know I did the right thing. Already I feel such a bond with my unborn son and its an odd feeling that I wouldn't have this if we hadn't been through what we had earlier this year. Be gentle with yourself and wishing you lots of luck and happiness xxx

MademoiselleG Mon 17-Nov-14 20:45:24

So lovely to see some good news since I last posted after the TFMR. We are now officially allowed to ttc (not that we took any notice) but the anxiety and grief are dominating everything. I have had some very dark days and know that there probably are many more to come, but I take comfort in reaing that others before me have travelled this horrendous road and have come out the other side, holding a healthy and live baby in their arms.

All the very best to all of you x

Chunkymonkey72 Wed 12-Nov-14 11:48:37

I found this thread invaluable when we lost our little girl. I was drawn to come back as it is her third anniversay soon and did not expect to recognise any names. I do remember mrsbigz and cherry bug though. I did not post much but found coming on here and finding people in similar situations really helped me at a terrible dark time. Our little rainbow baby is now 18 months old and I can't help but see her as a gift from her sister. Thanks to all on this thread for the help and support you give

cherrybug Thu 06-Nov-14 10:14:30

MrsBigz - I remember you well too, how lovely to hear from you! A long time has passed really hasn't it and for the most part I don't think about the pain of losing our baby. But I don't forget her and now and again I think of her and what we went through and feel sad. Then I look at my gorgeous son and cannot imagine him not being here. He is a complete gift. I'm sure you feel the same xx

LuckyAugust - lovely to hear that you are through the harmony test and moving into a hopefully very uneventful pregnancy. I think that as time goes on (and even more so once your DS arrives), people will forget your loss. I think its just the way. Life is for the living isn't it and I suppose only mums have the knowledge of the love you have for an unborn child. Ending a wanted pregnancy is very traumatic. Good luck with your pregnancy. I am not on here much but I pop in for a look from time to time, I'll be looking out for happy news from you xx

mrsbigz Fri 31-Oct-14 00:29:54

hey cherry, completely understand but if it helps I just wanted to let you know that I remember you and your angel. can't believe it is 4 years ago. I hope you are doing OK - it is on anniversaries and 'due dates' that I find myself most vulnerable and drawn back here too.
just wanted to say I remember her (and you / your support when I went through similar). sending big hugs to you. and to all everyone else on this thread, I hope you all get your rainbow babies xxx

LuckyAugust Thu 30-Oct-14 20:36:23

Hi cherrybug. Having read this entire thread many times its so nice when someone pops back on to say hello. So glad to hear of the arrival of your son. Its amazing how quickly people forget. I had a tfmr (also due to our daughter having a rare chromosome disorder) earlier this year. Everyone stopped talking about it 2 weeks afterwards. I was so confused by this, if I tried to talk about it the subject tended to be changed very quickly. I know they didn't know what to say but for me it helped (and still does) to talk about her. I would have been due on the 4th August and even though I am pregnant again and we had recently had harmony results back showing this baby was ok I still struggled with the run up to that date and afterwards. No one remembered, even dh didn't mention it until I had a rant at him blush .Hoping to get our happy ending too, I think I'll only really believe it could happen when my ds arrives x

cherrybug Thu 30-Oct-14 11:50:09

Hello, an old timer here just popping in very briefly. I hope no one minds.
It was my daughters anniversary on Tuesday this week. It was 4 years ago now that we ended the pregnancy due to a very rare chromosomal abnormality and I am now the only person who remembers her and thinks of her. Even my DH doesn't remember the date. I just felt I wanted to pop in to this thread which was so invaluable to me during that dark time.

Life goes on I know.

To all here, good luck with TTC and pregnancies. More often than not there is indeed a happy ending - there was for me with the subsequent birth of my lovely son. The pain eases but I don't think many of us will ever forget our loss. x

LuckyAugust Tue 28-Oct-14 16:11:47

Sorry offbeatgirl, despite knowing your name from previous posts (and because we had our tfmr in the same month sad ) I completely missed the part on your post where you announced your pregnancy too. Congratulations! Glad to hear your 20 week scan went well. Despite having an low anterior placenta my little one is giving me some big kicks which is fantastic and now finally making things seem a bit more real smile smile smile x

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