Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 4

(765 Posts)
NatzCNL Sun 12-Feb-12 20:26:03

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to concieve after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
Can'tdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
Lisbeth Salander - baby boy 7/11
Stormbird – George 24/07/11
Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12

notinagreatplace Wed 22-Oct-14 12:15:55

Hello all,

After the very late tfmr that I had a few months ago, we are now preparing for a frozen blastocyst transfer - most likely in early December. I am slightly petrified. On balance, I think this is the right thing to do - I'm not getting any younger, we only have one frozen blastocyst and we need donor eggs (very early menopause - I just get all the luck!) so, if it doesn't work, we will need to go back on the waiting list for a donor. I think, on balance, the only thing that will make us feel significantly better about the horrible infertility plus random genetic disorder thing is actually having a baby. We have a pretty good shot with the frozen blast - it's top quality, I'm still (just about) under 35, and the only previous transfer that we did worked - but I'm still a bit terrified that it's going to go horribly wrong.

DRSLondon Fri 15-Aug-14 08:23:57

I don't think I have made it through a single day of this pregnancy without panicking that this baby, like our last, will have spina bifida. I'm so scared of having to give up another desperately wanted child. I know it's unlikely but it was unlikely last time and it happened. Am only at 9 weeks so we have a long road ahead.
I really don't want to focus too much on the pregnancy, in case it has to end, but it's getting harder to ignore with the nausea and small bump appearing.
Deep breaths.

Blogging my anxiety at and that seems to help process my feelings.

Good luck to all you brave ladies xxx

lostlove Fri 08-Aug-14 17:43:14

Glad the scan was reassuring, Lucky.

Do keep us updated as your pregnancy progresses - it's so nice to read the happy stories, especially when the journey has been so hard.

Enjoy it! smile

LuckyAugust Thu 07-Aug-14 17:46:17

Thanks everyone. Our 12 week scan went great and our little guy is due 9th feb. All starting to feel very real and exciting now. After a horrific year so far this just feels amazing. Thanks for reading and sharing your stories. You have all helped me so much thanks thanks thanks thanks

lostlove Sat 02-Aug-14 02:20:50

Hurray! So happy to read your news, Lucky thanks

offbeatgirl Fri 01-Aug-14 19:26:14

That's so lovely to hear LuckyAugust smile All the best with next week's scan!

AliBingo Fri 01-Aug-14 17:28:09

Congrats LuckyAugust that's great news!

LuckyAugust Fri 01-Aug-14 16:28:34

Hi ladies, hope everyone is well. Just wanted to add my news that our harmony test results came back today and everything is ok. We still have the 12 week scan to go next week but just getting the results today is such a huge relief. The timing is perfect too, its my birthday on Sunday and Monday would have been my due date if my last pregnancy hadn't ended. After whats been an awful year so far and then a huge amount of stress and worry since finding out I was pregnant I could burst with joy. I know I still have a long way to go but I have hope now. Now me and dh just need to try and agree on a boys name wink, at least we have a bit longer to discuss. Reading the stories over and over again on this thread made such a difference to me when I was at my lowest and felt so alone. Don't give up x

offbeatgirl Fri 18-Jul-14 17:48:24

I hope you found that the cremation of your little one brought you some peace Mademoiselle. It's awful that you have to go through this x

Thanks for you thoughts Ali. My age puts me at a slightly higher risk in any case, so I may well go straight for a CVS, as long as I'm in the hands of an experienced consultant! Slightly disconcerted to find that they've recently restructured maternity care provision where I live, and my GP is unable to refer me directly back to the Hospital that treated me last time. Instead everyone now has to go through a central booking system, and I've been slotted into one of the other city's hospitals for my first appointment. Still, at least they're seeing me fairly quickly.

Hope everyone is doing ok thanks

DRSLondon Wed 16-Jul-14 17:23:47

So sorry for your loss. Happier times will come in the future. Don't give up. All the best xx

MademoiselleG Tue 15-Jul-14 21:18:18

Ali that sounds like really good advice about the cvs, I'd never considered that the doctor performing it would come with his/her own statistics. Seems obvious now! I know that I would totally 100% do it all over again just the same: go for all the tests and get 100% confirmation if anything is wrong.

AFM: well, little baby Gabriel (we chose it because it is unisex in our mother tongue and is, fittingly, the name of an angel...) was 'born' some time between 9 and 10 this morning. We had a blessing at the mortuary with the priest this afternoon.
There were a few complications during the operation but I've been released now. I've lost a lot of blood and feel very weak, but I know that the physical wounds will heal soon...

I feel strangely at peace, knowing that s/he will never suffer. It was beautiful to spend some time with our baby and say farewell. S/he will be cremated Friday.

I know in time, we will think about ttc again. In the meantime, I wish all of you on here bfps bad healthy pregnancies, as serene as can be. thanks

AliBingo Tue 15-Jul-14 19:14:41

Been following this thread but not found time to post. So sorry to hear Monten's news, and sad to see the newcomers on here.

Just wanted to say to Offbeatgirl, I think Harmony definitely looked for Edwards and Patau as well as Downs. But my consultant advised me to go straight to CVS for any future pregnancies after T21 TFMR, because my risk will now always be considered 1 in 100 so it makes more sense to do a CVS. I guess there is that increased risk of miscarriage but for me it felt right to go for CVS. The msicarriage rate does vary a lot from doctor to doctor too apparently, and it's good to use someone who does a lot of them. I think amnio is lower risk but has to be done later.


offbeatgirl Tue 15-Jul-14 18:58:41

Hello all,

I've not posted here for a couple of weeks. I'm very sorry to hear about Monten's loss, and I hope you're coping ok Mademoiselle. It's great to hear about the BFPs though -congratulations to Lucky and DSR xx

I was also fortunate to get a BFP this month after a tfmr back in February for my first pregnancy. I'm really thrilled, but also worried that it'll end in a miscarriage or another lethal abnormality (even though there isn't supposed to be a recurrence risk with the problem I had first time round, so I suppose I'm lucky in that respect). I got the first positive around a week ago, but my GP appointment isn't until this Friday. It might sound a bit crazy, but I figure that as time passes my risk of miscarriage decreases, so I didn't want to rush down there.

Although it's very unlikely that I'd have the same problem again, I still want to test to rule out some of the lethal abnormalities as early as possible. I'd fork out for Harmony or Nifty, but I'm a little worried that they're designed primarily to detect Downs (as is the NT scan), and I'm more concerned about Edwards and Patau syndromes. Has anyone used one of these tests to try and pick up these conditions, and is it a ridiculous idea to go straight for a CVS? Emily Oster's book suggests that the miscarriage risks of the CVS are vastly overstated because if you've had a CVS and you then miscarry, the miscarriage is attributed to the CVS, whereas in practice the miscarriage might have had nothing to do with the CVS. Then again, if I had a CVS and subsequently miscarried, I'd probably always wonder if it was because of the CVS...

Maybe I'm just over thinking this!

DRSLondon Tue 15-Jul-14 18:25:20

Thanks lucky August. I am trying to pretend the pregnancy isn't happening as I am so frightened about it being another baby we cannot keep. I knew I would feel anxious so I was prepared for these emotions. It's still preferable to not being pregnant. Theres a good chance for both of us. We must try to stay positive. Best of luck for your scan. You don't have too long to wait now! Sending positivity to you xxx

LuckyAugust Tue 15-Jul-14 07:51:07

Sorry Madomoiselle, I didn't even notice your post. Hope you're doing ok? x

LuckyAugust Tue 15-Jul-14 07:48:55

Hi DRS. I'm 9+2 after a tfmr back in February and I am terrified! Our angel had a rare chromosome disorder and whilst the chances of being affected again are probably low I can't get my head into positive mode and whilst I would love to feel excited I'm too scared. For weeks I've been an emotional wreck. Tiredness and sickness have kicked in big style and generally feeling a bit low. DH isn't helping things either as he refuses to even acknowledge this pregnancy until we hopefully get the ok. We haven't told many people and not many knew I was pregnant last time as I always wait to get the 'ok' at the 12 week scan and we didn't get that last time. We are booked in for harmony testing next Monday. Different condition but I know how you're feeling. Sending big hugs xx

DRSLondon Tue 15-Jul-14 07:22:53

We had a tfmr at 21 weeks because our baby had spina bifida. I am pregnant again now, only 5 weeks, and petrified of it having the same problems. I am on 5mg of folic acid and pregnancy supplements that have the regular amount. I'm also eating a diet high in it. Until the 20 week all clear comes I will be very worried. I don't want to get attached to the idea of there being a baby incase it isn't to be.
Good luck to you all.

MademoiselleG Sun 06-Jul-14 14:27:12

Hello all,
I've been following this thread since we had the news nearly two weeks ago at our 12w scan that our baby probably has severe spina bifida. I know I don't quite belong here just yet but I know in my heart that I will soon be joining you for good...

The sonographer who diagnosed this specialises in early anomaly scanning but his colleagues cannot confirm the diagnosis yet - so we are in limbo until they get a clear view of the spine and can confirm. He is sure of his diagnosis and we have already been offered a TFMR on the basis of the 'strong suspicion' of SB. We are going back for weekly check-ups, next one is Wednesday.

I guess that it's a defence mechanism but I have already completely written off this pregnancy and want to move on - which is of course easier said than done!

I'm scared about the procedure and terrified I'll be punished for this choice and never be able to get pg again. We have a 2.5 yo daughter who is just wonderful and I just can't wait for her to have a sibling...

I hope that everyone on here gets the happy ending we all deserve.

Teaandtoast1 Sat 21-Jun-14 09:51:02

If you ever do need them for a chat or to join the forum I'd recommend it. The forums private so you apply to join. I'm sure you will be fine though. Glad you got harmony sorted out. Thinking of you xx

LuckyAugust Fri 20-Jun-14 16:11:10

I haven't looked at the ARC forum but wish I had of contacted them earlier this year when I was struggling to deal with what happened. I can't imagine how awful it must be too go through the horror we've been through in a first pregnancy. Thankfully I had very uneventful pregnancies with my boys and I am reassured by the fact what happened maybe was just a one off as they are totally healthy. Its still not out of my mind completely though and I guess you never know. Glad we've got harmony testing sorted - just waiting for Newcastle to send me an appointment through xx

Teaandtoast1 Thu 19-Jun-14 23:10:24

I totally understand the desperation I really do, the baby we lost was our first so I'm just desperate to be a mummy.

It's totally understandable that you feel anxious and are analysing stuff, god I do that now and I, not pregnant yet!

Have you seen the ARC forum? I'm on there and that's been really helpful too xx

LuckyAugust Thu 19-Jun-14 23:00:46

I've got everything crossed for you tea. All I've thought about since our loss is being pregnant again. Sometimes I feel really awful, I have 2 perfect healthy boys, the youngest is only 13 months and here I am desperate to have another baby!!! I know I'm so lucky to have them but I worry sometimes that if I don't have another baby I won't ever truly recover. I'm still struggling to understand I might get a baby at the end of this and for the moment feeling very negative, scared, excited. I'm totally over analysing every crampy pain and keep having a feeling I'm bleeding and rushing off to the loo (but nothing....) I think until we hopefully get the all clear I am going to be a nightmare!!!! I am starting to feel very tired and a bit sick on a morning even though I'm only 5+3. With the boys I wasn't sick at all where as in last pregnancy I was horrifically sick (was carrying a girl). Wondering if this is a sign I'm carrying a girl again hmm???? Me and dh have had the weirdest mixture of good and horrifically bad luck over the last few years but its proven we can get through anything. Despite being scared I won't be giving up on extending our family and hopefully this time next year we'll be one of the lucky ones holding our new babies xxx

Teaandtoast1 Thu 19-Jun-14 22:13:42

Hi ya lucky. I think I'd obsess too. How have you been feeling? I'm technically In the 2ww I think. I'm pretty sure I ovulated last weekend so I'm just praying that I'm up duffed. It's all i can think of! Xx

LuckyAugust Tue 17-Jun-14 15:32:18

Thanks Lostlove- my plan was to try and 'forget' about being pregnant for a bit but thats not working out too well!!! Obsessing so much confused confused confused How are you Tea? Glad to hear you're trying again. Found out I can have Harmony testing at Newcastle for £400. 5 weeks to go......

lostlove Fri 13-Jun-14 00:55:20

Lucky, that's great news smile

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