To not want my son to go and play at this boy's house

[PeaGreene]

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but just wanted to talk it through really. Am I being over protective perhaps?

He seems a nice enough kid, if a little overpowering, but has always been pleasant enough with me. They're friends at school. He's been round to ours a couple of times and I've always wanted DS to have friends who live nearby, so I should be jumping at this chance. The boy is desperate for my DS to go and play round there too, but I just don't want DS to go.

I don't entirely trust the parents and I don't like how that makes me feel about myself. They seem to find the boy a complete handful, doesn't sit still, gets bored very easily. He's clearly done some very dangerous things which my DS just would never contemplate. Like cutting the vacuum cable with a pair of scissors. Whilst his mum was vacuuming. Just to see what would happen. And breaking a wall with a sledge hammer because he wanted to use the bricks for something.

I've only met her a couple of times and this does make me Mrs Judgey Pants par excellence, but when they were going today, she really couldn't get him to budge, and I ended up telling him myself to put the game down as it was time to go.

In my eyes, they've been quite lax about their son coming round to ours - didn't make a point of meeting us or checking who was collecting him from the door. the boy phoned us last week to ask if we could give him a lift to DS's birthday party, and when we collected him, he just left the house without his parents coming to see where he was off to. He's 7 by the way.

DS is quite sensible and "good" - not a great adventurer. this boy seems quite the opposite, and maybe DS would handle him and they'd be good for each other... but would I want to leave DS at their house for a couple of hours???? Really not sure I would.

I know they've had a really bad time lately. Health issues, money issues, have lived abroad which didn't work out. So I'm sure that hasn't helped them.

They've got a big dog which I'm sure DS would be scared of. i don't want to play on this cos DS needs to realise not all dogs are evil, but is that my excuse to put DS off?

OK. Tell me. Am I being overly precious?

[PosieParker]

Trust your gut instinct, it's a great gift and you may thank yourself later.

[hermionegrangerat34]

No, that doesn't sound unreasonable. I think you're doing your non-judegmental and letting them get to know each other thing by having him to yours, but letting your son be there unsupervised you can only do if you feel comfortable about the supervision he'll get from the parents involved, which you clearly don't. Go with your instinct I'd say.

[TotalChaos]

No. YANBU.

[WideWebWitch]

Don't send your ds there, trust your instincts. My ds is ten and has a couple of friends who are a bad influence and whose parents I really dislike/disapprove of. I try to subtley discourage the friendships while playing up the oens I approve of. You can't necessarily trust them to look after your ds by the sound of it.

[ahundredtimes]

Hmm. Sorry, I think you are being - on the strength of that post - a bit precious.

I like the kid who cut the vacuum cord to see what would happen and tried to get at the bricks. Sorry, I think he sounds v. funny AND v. good company. I would probably have wanted to be his friend. Also - like the calling and the nonchalant wandering out to get his lift.

So on the strength of what you've said - I do think you are being a bit tight about it.

If however, what you also think is that his parents are neglectful or too odd or drunk or just crazed, then don't let him go.

[dizzydixies]

yanbu

[PeaGreene]

Phew. You've no idea how good it is to get that reassurance. I've been feeling like Bad Judgey Person.

[WideWebWitch]

I read:
They were glad to get rid of him from the not bothering even to meet you
How tf could he have access to a sledgehammer?
The big dog alone would put me off

Encourage other friends, quietly drop this one if you can.

[ahundredtimes]

Oh come on. What are the grounds for not wanting him to go?

What do you think is going to happen?

Why do you think your son likes him?

[WideWebWitch]

I also think our instincts are there for a reason, if you don't like/trust these people, don't send your son there.

If it makes you judgy, so what?

[Lizzylou]

yanbu, all sounds a bit strange tbh

[PeaGreene]

x posts with 100x. Not so reassuring!

I know what you mean about liking him for those things. Gives him a bit of spark and character. But we are talking quite dangerous as well. I don't think the neighbours were very impressed with the state of their wall.

[PeaGreene]

What do you think is going to happen?

Completely unsupervised play with someone who doesn't know what danger is and has access to sledgehammers.

Why do you think your son likes him?

Cos DS would like anyone who played with him.

[ahundredtimes]

In what way dangerous?

I don't know why I'm sticking up for him really. I tend to quite like the odder ones, or the ones who shout and who everyone disapproves of in the playground. I can't help it. Mind you my ds1 blindfolded himself on our first night in a new house 'to see what would happen' and he cut his head open and we had to go to A&E.

I don't know if he's one of those - or whether he's just not very nice. Do you think he'll be a bad influence? Is that it?

[Marina]

He's seven not three ahundredtimes
By that time ds and co had done electricity in school and know about electrical safety
The kid could have killed himself - that sounds more than just youthful hi-jinks.
I speak as the only mother in ds' class willing to allow a fairly spirited boy here on playdates. He half-drowned ds with a supersoaker last time and tried to snaffle his best pokemon cards, but they are still good pals and I feel for his mum too.
But I would not let my son near the child PeaGreene describes. Even our Mr NaughtyPants knows what's mischief and what's dangerous, and he is the dodgiest child we know .

[Marina]

If I was PeaGreene I'd worry that the boy would suggest a project that would lead straight to A & E for either or both of them
I quite like anarchists too but not ones with a deathwish

[ahundredtimes]

Oh yes, I know. I wouldn't have liked it in a three y-o - but sort of don't mind it at 7.

I mean I personally find very Healf and Safety Conscious seven y-o's a REAL DRAG to have around.

Do you really think your child is going to go round and pick up a sledgehammer and knock the door down?

Odds are they will climb a wall and he'll hurt his knee. No?

[ahundredtimes]

He doesn't sound completely out of control.

He sounds like a lark.

But OBVIOUSLY you should listen to your instincts and not me.

[PeaGreene]

I don't get why you ask "in what way dangerous" Does potential electrocution or bodily harm not sound bad enough?

Look, I like lively spirited kids and think DS could benefit from a bit of it, but this one's going to be under my supervision. the boy's welcome to come round here (I suspect it's going to be quite often from the way he phones up to make his own arrangements!)

[Divastrop]

i dont think YABU.those things sound pretty OTT even to me-like the sort of thing my dh would have done at that age

my dd1 plays out with some children who's houses i wouldnt let her go to.ive always said to her its because i dont know the parents well enough.mind you,i dont let the dc's friends come here either

[Marina]

PeaGreene, I do allow ds to go to his unhinged friend's house, but I am always a bit clammy until they come back (last time a hour late with a sock missing, and that was all thank God)

[ahundredtimes]

I'm amazed that you are penalizing this child for having done something incredibly thick and stupid and without thought as to consequences of his actions.

I am amazed because he is seven not thirty-seven.

[Divastrop]

forgot to add-my ds2(4.10)is 'spirited' and mischevious,but even he knows where to draw the line with danger.

[TotalChaos]

but the OP seems to be fine with the boy coming round, and seems to be more uncomfortable with the parents' standard of supervision that with the boy himself iyswim.