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AIBU?

MIL and daughter's hat.

1003 replies

doomf · 08/12/2016 10:14

My MIL looks after my DD one day a week (Tuesday) and her other grand daughter one day a week (Wednesday).

I bought my daughter a lovely hat last year to go with a coat she had. The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I'd searched high and low for it it to no avail. Is asked MIL if she'd seen it and she swore blind she hadn't (I was pretty sure the last time she'd worn it was to her house). A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed.

Yesterday afternoon I'd taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter...wearing the bloody hat!!!

AIBU to think that you just don't do that?!

OP posts:
ScarletForYa · 08/12/2016 10:16

Yanbu

Please tell me you confronted her and took the hat back.

HardcoreLadyType · 08/12/2016 10:17

So what did you do? I mean, it was the perfect opportunity to say "oh, there's that hat!" She probably got mixed up with whose hat was whose. Now it's cleared up, your DD can have her hat back, surely? No drama?

HaveNoSocks · 08/12/2016 10:17

Are you sure it was deliberate? Maybe she found the hat and assumed it belonged to other DGD. Then she either forgot or isn't want to admit it to you. It's annoying but buying a new hat is a drop in the motion compared to the childcare costs you're saving so I really wouldn't make a huge deal. If your DD was at nursery things would go missing sometimes too.

YelloDraw · 08/12/2016 10:17

You did take the hat back didn't you??

HaveNoSocks · 08/12/2016 10:18

Also I agree couldn't you just say "ooo I think that's my DD's hat must have left it at MiL's, Ive been looking for that for ages!"

Leeds2 · 08/12/2016 10:18

What did she say about it?

GinIsIn · 08/12/2016 10:18

Just smile brightly and say "Oh how lovely, you've found DD's hat! Of course it's fine for 'Other Granddaughter' to borrow it. Shall I pick it up next week?

Finola1step · 08/12/2016 10:20

Hatgate!

What did you say?

doomf · 08/12/2016 10:20

I said to her " I see you've found DD's hat. I won't leave a child out in the cold with no hat so I'll pop round tomorrow and pick it up from you. Also, if you find something that belongs to my DD again, please let me know"

She was scarlet. She'll probably raise merry hell with my DH. 🙄

OP posts:
TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 08/12/2016 10:21

ooh let it go, it's a hat.

or alternatively snatch it from her head in triumph and accuse them of stealing and lying.


Mind you...I am still fuming about a torch that fil left behind once...I found it when we moved the spare bed, batteries were flat, and I replaced them, hung it on the door knob in case of powercuts and thought no more about it. Especially since they had never even mentioned the loss of the torch!

About a year later they came for a visit, spotted the torch, he exclaimed "that's my torch" ...snicked it on, flashed it about and smugly said "and the batteries are still good" and pocketed it.

with MY batteries in it.

Take the hat back.....forget what I said about letting it go!

grapesodafay · 08/12/2016 10:21

Ugh my ex-MIL has a habit of this. DD's overnight contact with Ex is at her house so they send her back in their (horrible bitty faded, some even with holes in) clothes and keep my nice expensive ones and I never see them again. I'm not good with confrontation so I'll never get them backBlush

I've just stopped sending her in anything I don't want to lose which mostly means she looks tacky poor thing, the amount of Ted Baker dresses I lost in the summer was ridiculous

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 08/12/2016 10:21

She probably didn't remember it was your dd's considering it was a year ago.

I have 2 dds who are fairly close in age and I can barely remember who's stuff is who's most of the time.

Some things just aren't worth kicking up a fuss about.

user1477282676 · 08/12/2016 10:22

I bet her other granddaughter had taken a shine to it and she wouldn't say no to her.

grapesodafay · 08/12/2016 10:22

YANBU - I forgot

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 08/12/2016 10:22

Shock that was pretty rude of you.

Nanny0gg · 08/12/2016 10:25

that was pretty rude of you.

Why???

I think it was pretty calm all things considered.

3luckystars · 08/12/2016 10:25

I hope you snapped it off the child's head and slapped your mil on the face with it. I would have shoved them both too.

Seriously though, are you sure it's the same one. Your mil is very good to mind your child, I would not say anything. I would just let it go. Happy Christmas.

doomf · 08/12/2016 10:25

elsa if you think that's rude you should have heard what I wanted to say Wink

OP posts:
grapesodafay · 08/12/2016 10:27

Good on you OP, you bought it for your DD therefore it's yours and her's. Your MIL's other DGD should have her own hats, it is winter after allHmm

Whynotnowbaby · 08/12/2016 10:27

I don't think it was that rude, mil knew she was looking for it and the fact she went red means she knew all along it didn't belong to the one who was wearing it. Yes it might seem petty but no way would I be able to just ignore that.

doomf · 08/12/2016 10:27

3

I know I'm lucky she looks after DD but I also don't go out to work to be able buy things for my daughter that mysteriously disappear and then reappear on my niece.

OP posts:
FriedPisces · 08/12/2016 10:29

Not to be flippant but this thread is reminding me of this brilliant book www.amazon.co.uk/I-Want-My-Hat-Back/dp/1406338532?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21
I love it. Maybe you could get it for MIL, everyone loves a stocking filler. Wink Grin

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doomf · 08/12/2016 10:30

fried

You might just have found MIL's Xmas pressie!!

OP posts:
Amelie10 · 08/12/2016 10:30

Good on you for saying something to her. You asked her so many times so how could she just forget?

3luckystars · 08/12/2016 10:30

I know but unless it was a crown or the sorting hat , it's not worth fighting over. I'm glad you got it back anyway!

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