To feel really uncomfortable about this and wondering if I should do anything?

(98 Posts)
FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Mon 24-Oct-16 13:44:45

I heard something recently about one of Dp's friends and its been really bothering me ever since.

I'm reluctant to give specific details on here in case it is identifying and also in case it turns out not to be true.

It is sexual in nature, not abuse of a child but rather sexual things happening in the presence of a child, no idea if the child saw/was aware or not but I suspect not.

I'm not about to run straight to SS over this but could/should I do anything? As I said, I have no idea if it is true or not. I have experience of SS and know the devastation they can cause families and so would be reluctant to say anything if I was not sure it was necessary but if what he told me was true it makes me angry and concerned for their children.

Aibu?

myownprivateidaho Mon 24-Oct-16 13:48:38

Yeah, I think you have to tell them I'm afraid. If you are clear and factual about what you heard then they are in the best position to make a judgment about whether or not this is a red flag (sounds like it is to me). SS's involvement is stressful, but not as stressful as their not being involved in an abuse situation.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 24-Oct-16 13:49:11

It's hearsay/gossip but it's your partner's friend/s so perhaps ask him if he knows more and suggest that he speak to his friend about it.

You really have nothing to go on but if you want it investigated then pass it on to social services.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 24-Oct-16 13:51:05

It's hard to know what to say without details but as you are unsure if it's true and unsure if the child was aware even if it is true I'd say leave it and keep a listen out for anything similar being said and take it from there.

FruitCider Mon 24-Oct-16 13:51:26

Depends on what it was and the age of the child? Having sex when your 3 month old baby is asleep in their cot in the same room is different to doing discreet sexual activities in front of an older child. However with any safeguarding concern, my instinct would always be to go to SS. Hope that helps?

AbsentmindedWoman Mon 24-Oct-16 13:53:15

Sexual activity happening in front of a child is abuse, I'm pretty sure.

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Mon 24-Oct-16 13:55:50

The child would be around 4.

Think something between kissing and full sex.

Ginkypig Mon 24-Oct-16 13:58:07

If the things you think you think are happening have made you feel this way then that tells me if its true it definitely needs reported.

Think of it this way, if in ten years you find out that this was true and you knew and did nothing.

How would you feel?
Would you feel regret about having done nothing?

If yes then doesn't that tell you you don't have a choice, silence is the accomplice to abuse. The amount of children who say as adults who've survived abuse who say if just one person had made one call, or I can't believe no one knew they must have so why did no one ever phone for help.

Children are not able to think in the same terms as adults, if there brains thought like adults they would call themselves but it's only looking back with adults eyes that they realise just how obviously bad things were.

cricketballs Mon 24-Oct-16 13:58:49

was it deliberately in front of the child or did the child walk in?

FruitCider Mon 24-Oct-16 14:02:43

Ok, if the child caught them in the act and they stopped immediately, all is well. If they deliberately did that in front of a child I would be reporting immediately.

RepentAtLeisure Mon 24-Oct-16 14:08:51

Or are they cosleepers and being intimate while the child is asleep? There are lots of variables.

AleHouseWench Mon 24-Oct-16 14:11:57

The only scenario that this doesn't need reporting is if the child walked in on them and they then immediately stopped.

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Mon 24-Oct-16 14:20:19

I don't think it was deliberately done in front of the child but they were in a sort of 'closed' environment where they knew the child was very close by and did it anyway if you see what I mean.

gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn Mon 24-Oct-16 14:22:48

Was the child awake? Were they aware of child's presence?

smellyboot Mon 24-Oct-16 14:23:23

Hotel room? Camping? Caravan. Child playing and parents feeling frisky ?

randomer Mon 24-Oct-16 14:24:25

a tent?

cansu Mon 24-Oct-16 14:26:18

From what you have said you are overreacting and I would keep out of it.

Foxysoxy01 Mon 24-Oct-16 14:27:56

Do you mean like in a tent or something like that?

I think it is probably on a very fine line TBH and it depends if it was a complete one off mistake and child was asleep or if it is something they would do normally. What they are like with the child day to day, what the child is exposed to normally (age appropriate tv etc) was this a drunk one off and not going to happen again.

It's quite difficult to make a call on it without knowing the whole situation, what the backstory is and how the people involved usually act.

Mumofttwins Mon 24-Oct-16 14:28:13

From what you've said, there's nothing to suggest anything untoward.

I would jump back on to your high horse.

pregnantat50 Mon 24-Oct-16 14:29:39

I stayed in a tent with my friend and her parents as a child and they had sex behind a thin material partition, it was awful listening to the slurping noises and affected me for a long time. My friend however was proud of her parents openess and that they had a good sex life. I was 12 at the time so can remember it all clearly. I dont consider it abuse though just vile.

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Mon 24-Oct-16 14:30:01

It was in a car.

Not sure if the child was awake or not.

itsmine Mon 24-Oct-16 14:30:45

Its impossible to judge without knowing the details. Someone posted ages ago they had sex on the settee under a blanket while dc played on the floor. Some people thought is was ok, I didn't. There's a time and a place and if awake dc are nearby in the same room it isn't it.

I wouldn't jump in with ss, just bring rspcc and ask for advice anonymously.

Mumofttwins Mon 24-Oct-16 14:30:58

*off - definitely not on to!

FerretFred Mon 24-Oct-16 14:32:46

OP! You seem to be worrying an awful lot about other people's kids today......

McButtonwillow Mon 24-Oct-16 14:33:57

Are these the same people your other thread is about?

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