I guess I've come to a huge fork in the road and I know what good advice I find on here so I am trusting you all with it.
There is a huge history but the gist is that my partner of 16 years re trained (putting huge strain on the family) wth the intention/ promise that once done he would work his butt off to clear the debts. His parents have paid a huge chunk and my parents did too ( which I am not comfortable with but I am v v lucky and eternally grateful) Over the past few years debt has built back up again whih I am very ashamed of. Missed credit card payments/ interest then short falls after usual things like car goes wrong etc. With two young children and no family help, I've worked as much as physically possible. I'm not proud and hve picked up cleaning, care work etc etc.but we live hand to mouth- literally.
I've managed to get the debt under control through a debt charity but even they ask why my husband and I can't work more. And I can see why they asked me.
I had four part time jobs but I started to get quite ill wih my mental health again so had to cut down to just one part time job and cleaning on a Saturday. Both are minimum wage £7.20 an hr but are fulfilling (I work for a charity) but I struggle to bring home more than 400 a month. Twice last week I took the kdjs with me to work which of course would not be possible in most jobs! I can't afford childcare and we only quailify for 10 a week from tax credits. My husbands wage is really quite ok ( hence we don't qualify for the credits) but with the debt coming off each month -it ends up being less than my friends take home and she lives in a council rented place, with tax creds etc. they do things weekly that I could only dream
Of but we scrape the barrel by mid month, get bank charges for going over drawn etc. we have even used the food bank.
There is no way out without one of us working more. My husband simply won't. I can't believe it-I'm
Ashamed of him :( He works for the NHS full time but cannot cope with any overtime apparently. If feel like he made SUCH a huge deal during his training. I'd often sit in Asda cafe on my own or be walking in the rain wih the kids so that we were out the way while he studied, I had bad post Natal and just got no support from him. I gave up all of my time to basically be a single parent and for absolutely nothing. We go round and round and Round every month and nothing changes.
In sep I will be working every day in school hours (so won't have to worry abot the kids so much:) but I will make 9500 for the year. It's an embarrassingly low wage but it's in a school and I really need to take it as it means I can provide for the kids and maybe actually buy them some new clothes (not charity shop or hand me downs) and start chipping away at the debts.
Yesterday I came accross a little house that I could afford on my own wih the children. In fact the kids and I would be around 200 a month better off. I know it's mercenary but sometimes as things are- I can't even put together a packed lunch for the kids at school. And it's because I can't make any more money and ds seems unwilling to. I have lost respect for him een though he can be a very sweet, loving man.
Anyway...
The little house is right by both the kids school and where I will work... So I won't need to use the car as much. It's perfect. For my sanity and for the kids I don't see an alternative but to completely separate and move out of our (rented) house. The kids are always asking me why I look sad / tired/ fed up and it's of course impacting on them. They are central to my world and I don't want todo anything to hurt them so this isn't knee jerk.
I am so angry with my husband for not providing . I just find him a bit lazy and so laxadasical about everything. E had almost three weeks off recently and cld have picked up well paid agency shifts but woukdntZ I resent him and just feel in such a pickle. Nothing has changed in five years. I am stressed every day and have awful nightmares where I'm in a car at high speed, can't see properly & car find the brakes.
I have tried talking to him and can't seem to get an answer abot why he won't work more and why he has put us through so much ( too muh selfish behaviour to detail here) but he says he loves me etx etx but his actions a lot of the time seem contrary to this.
Am I expecting too much or beig a diva? :(
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101 replies
Cornwallbird79 · 21/08/2016 20:11
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