AIBU to think no fucking chance or do I need to be kinder to people?

(100 Posts)
thisismeusernameything Tue 12-Jul-16 13:11:28

I'm prepared to be called a miserable cow and take my flaming if needed as I genuinly don't know if I am being a miserable self-important madam.

I got a friend request from a man I used to go to school with on Facebook. Our lives seem to have gone in very different directions. I've done well where as he seems not to have made much of his life (not stealth boasting, its relevant) I felt sorry for him so accepted but since then he's been tagging me in all kinds of shite about his dog, trips to bingo, meals out blah, blah. Its no big deal. I usually just untag myself and move on.

Today I get two tags from him. One to say that he is out for a meal with his wife, why the fuck he things I would give a shit I do not know and a second with a link to a justgiving site asking for a contribution to a new wheelchair for his wife (I believe she has Cerebral Palsy but from what I've seen its very mild form if there is even such a thing).

From what I can gather this man doesn't work, spends what money they get on whatever they want to do (no judgement. Its his money) but then expects me to put my hand in my pocket to provide things that I would have to save up for. AIBU to expect him not to be out at bloody lunch and to be saving up for things that they need or am I being a miserable bitch?

Its really pissed me off so I blocked him but now feel bad. I'm working my ass off to pay the £17k stamp duty the twat of a tax man wants for the stamp duty on the falling down pile of buildings I'm in the process of buying so my judgement is all over the place.

Who is BU? Should I have given him some cash or should I expect him to stop eating out every other bloody day and fund it himself?

Houseconfusion Tue 12-Jul-16 13:15:16

biscuit

KayTree87 Tue 12-Jul-16 13:16:08

Delete and move on. Who cares.

SaucyJack Tue 12-Jul-16 13:16:35

There is a middle ground y'know.

Grumpyoldblonde Tue 12-Jul-16 13:17:20

If he doesn't work maybe he is his wife's carer, one meal out is no big deal, could be a long saved for birthday treat.
You are under no obligation to give to his just giving site - a quick browse around his FB page may give you a clearer idea of his situation. His life sounds very tough, he probably doesn't have much going on with a sick wife, hence the boring posts you see. You do sound a bit heartless I'm afraid.

icanteven Tue 12-Jul-16 13:18:43

He has nothing to do with you, and you don't have to pay him any attention.

You can either unfriend him (I probably would), or at the very least unfollow him/change settings so that he can't tag you (can you?) etc.

LizKeen Tue 12-Jul-16 13:18:56

I totally disagree with crowdfunding for personal things. I can understand the use for it in many cases, but the personal things really get my goat.

A local farmer has one for a new shed. Hold on while I donate to your fucking shed on the acres of land you own to help your business, while I rent and own nothing. hmm

So I get where you are coming from.

However, you sound really judgemental of him. He could be crowdfunding for something more flippant than a wheelchair. And poor people are allowed to eat out.

Friolero Tue 12-Jul-16 13:19:11

It's odd he's tagging you in the posts, that would annoy me. I have no issue with people posting just giving links on Facebook, but think it's better to just leave them there for people to decide whether they want to donate or not, rather than tagging people which suggests a donation is expected.

EdmundCleverClogs Tue 12-Jul-16 13:19:12

I am being a miserable self-important madam.

This.

ineedamoreadultieradult Tue 12-Jul-16 13:19:55

Has he asked you specifically for anything? Does he just tag you or others as well? You do seem a bit judgemental and I don't see how you having to pay stamp duty makes any difference to this situation.

thisismeusernameything Tue 12-Jul-16 13:20:36

Really house? Its a genuine question. If you have something to say, say it instead of hiding behind silly little symbols.

He's not his wifes carer grumpy and its not a one off. They're there every other day.

NedStarksHead Tue 12-Jul-16 13:21:12

Poor you, being in a position to buy property & paying stamp duty.

What. A. Shame.

biscuit

user1467101855 Tue 12-Jul-16 13:21:18

1) Don't add randoms you clearly dislike on FB.

and 2) Stop being such a dick.
I'm working my ass off to pay the £17k stamp duty the twat of a tax man wants for the stamp duty on the falling down pile of buildings I'm in the process of buying so my judgement is all over the place

Twat of a tax man? You mean the people who collect the money that pays for all the essential services that YOU USE? Fucks sake.

Sparkletastic Tue 12-Jul-16 13:21:46

YANBU

Brightredpencil Tue 12-Jul-16 13:23:01

This man is barely an acquaintance and presumably not in your life any more. Defriend him! He isn't a friend!!

PortiaCastis Tue 12-Jul-16 13:23:24

Why live your life through facebook and why tell the world your financial affairs?

hazeyjane Tue 12-Jul-16 13:24:04

you are not his friend, so I don't understand why you have him on FB. Ypou do sound like you could do with having kinder thought towards people, but if you want to defriend him then just crack on.

Oreosaretasty Tue 12-Jul-16 13:25:42

I used to eat out a lot while I was broke, not on benefits but part time min wage taking home approx 200pw before (Minimal) NI.
Btw, I lived in the cheap as chips welsh valleys at the time, so that was enough to live on, just about (Housing costs were about 425pm including council tax, for example, and I could walk to work so 0 travel costs). I'd scour the net for cashback deals and discounts and would regularly ask for gift cards etc for christmas and birthday's. I ate out regularly (up to 8 times a month), always had nice clothes (Ebay and amazon cheapies but always dressed well) I was very frugal, my stuff was either bare basic 'essentials' ranges or (more often) nicer stuff but gotten via cashback or discounts. I was reported for benefit fraud and drug dealing once (Once each)... People like to nose into others lives. Don't do it (Unless of course you know they're up to something actually dodgy) while I don't think you're alluding to anything illicit, your judgement isn't necessary.
PS
disabled family member paid 1.2k for a wheelchair. they aren't bloody cheap by any means, sometimes you can get funding towards them etc but this is being cut all the time. You don't have to donate but I gently say YABVU to judge because they seemingly spend ££ enjoying themselves.

KittensandKnitting Tue 12-Jul-16 13:25:47

YANBU to not want to be tagged left right and centre it would be very annoying but does he tag "all" his friends on FB maybe he only has a few and thinks that is how it works? Used to when I had it have a friend who would constantly tag me and several others on those bloody awful motivational posters, really annoyed me

But then I personally hate FB with a passion.

MyKingdomForBrie Tue 12-Jul-16 13:25:48

Nothing wrong with him being out for lunch, nothing wrong with not wanting your news feed cluttered with things that do not interest you.

I don't think it's on to tag people left right and centre in posts that they are not in so you're totally justified in the block.

Nothing wrong with enjoying your life while being unable to afford big ticket purchases like a specialist wheelchair either.

TheFairyCaravan Tue 12-Jul-16 13:26:11

Have you any idea how much wheelchairs cost? Power wheelchairs are a bloody fortune. This man sounds like he is his wife's carer.

The money you pay the "twat of a tax tax man" goes to all the services you and your family use you know. It, also, helps the less fortunate. One day you might be one of them!

Alfieisnoisy Tue 12-Jul-16 13:28:15

Cerebral palsy but in a very mild form...hmm

You kno this may make it harder for her to walk longer distances yes?

YANBU to ignore the crowd funding. YABU to judge..

thisismeusernameything Tue 12-Jul-16 13:28:59

He's only tagging me Ineed. They're Johavas Witnesses and I'm constantly been tagged in posts about their church along with all the other stuff mentioned above. I just found it a bit weird and overwhelming. I've deleted. blocked and moved on. Point taken however. I need to be kinder which will be addressed when I do my bit in my village later tonight.

Floggingmolly Tue 12-Jul-16 13:29:49

Twat of a taxman... You sound obnoxious, actually. Really awful.

Houseconfusion Tue 12-Jul-16 13:30:27

Nedstark has said what I needed to say. You poor, poor person, life is so very hard for you.

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