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AIBU?

To want nothing more to do with mil if she keeps saying this?

98 replies

Throughautomaticdoors · 19/06/2016 20:13

NC as identifying details...

Firstly let me start by saying dh's dad - I will call him Mike - died around a year ago. Of course MiL was understandably very upset and was worried about Christmas last year. Dh is part of a very large family - three siblings, eight nieces and nephews, four great nieces and nephews and MiL also has two brothers and two sisters on the doorstep. We arranged to all have Christmas lunch with her this year at a pub and BiL said she could stop with them a few nights if she wanted. All the family is within about ten mins of her house except us, we are about half an hour away, so she never would have had Christmas on her own.

Anyway my dc2 was due mid February but after a difficult pregnancy and most of December in hospital she arrived seven weeks early on Christmas Eve. She was quite poorly when she was born. She couldn't breathe for herself and was in neonatal intensive care. I was also unwell after a c section and we were both in hospital for nearly three weeks. During this time dh and dc1 went and stopped the whole time with MiL so MiL got to give dc1 all the gifts id so carefully chosen and do the stocking for him etc

Not long after we were discharged MiL said to me how glad she was that she hadn't had to have Christmas on her own and how she'd been telling everyone how Mike had sent dd early specially for her so that she'd had a lovely Christmas with dc1 and dh. I was really hurt and upset but let it go that first time although I told dh who did the usual 'she doesn't mean it, she's just upset about dad etc.'
Fast forward to a family event a couple of months later and she called me over with dd to introduce me to someone. And she said it again.
'I tell everyone Mike sent the baby early so I didn't have Christmas on my own and got to play Santa. Luckily the baby was really ill so I got to have them for ages! You should have seen the baby, she had wires down her throat, down her nose, in her hands, everywhere!' At which point I knew I was going to start crying so walked off.

And she said it again today. After asking if dd would be 'backwards' as she was prem. she then said 'oh 7 weeks is nothing anyway.' I explained how actually yes, it made a difference and then she said 'anyway I was pleased she was early, I think Mike sent her so I got to have a wonderful Christmas with ds and dh, oh I was glad.'

At which point I could stand it no longer and said 'you might have had a lovely Christmas but I had Christmas on my own, recovering from a c section and a blood transfusion whilst my baby was on a ventilator and I wasn't even well enough to see her for 49 hours.' MiL then said 'she's ok now though isn't she, so it all worked out for the best.' I told her I'd appreciate her not saying how glad she was dd was early again and how Mike supposedly sent her as it was extremely hurtful. I'm really upset. Not least because since having dd I've had awful PND and it has ruined the first 6 months of her life. It was not as easy as oh she's ok now so it's like it never happened.

When we got home I said to dh if MiL makes those remarks again I want nothing more to do with her. This is not an isolated incident but it is the incident which has upset me the most. It is singularly the most selfish thing I think I've ever heard anyone say. She wasn't even going to be on her own at Christmas anyway! I however was separated from my older child, in a hospital room on my own, in a lot of pain and fraught with worry over my dd. dh and ds went to lunch with MiL as originally planned.

Aibu? I actually cant think about it without feeling upset and really really angry. I don't get angry often but this has got me so annoyed it makes my heart race!

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ProcrastinatorGeneral · 19/06/2016 20:17

I remember another thread where you posted about her horrid words.

I think she's had enough chances to be fair. I'd draw a line now and never see her again.