This isn't so much an AIBU as a "what is reasonable?" I can reframe it as "AIBU to want to divide chores?" I guess!
DP works in an office and has a 35 minute commute each way. Hates his job but because it is unfulfilling, rather than because it is demanding. He is lovely and says he doesn't mind if I don't manage to do anything at home as I am looking after DS who is 4mo. I do always try to do chores at any opportunity though, and DS and I rarely actually leave the house as I feel bad going to a mother and baby group or for coffee if DP is at work. He doesn't feel like this and wants me to be happy. I just don't want to feel like I'm taking the piss and having an easy ride whilst he is in an office earning money, and he does joke about it being his money even though he knows it is a sore spot. In the evenings he cooks more often than I do (I do cook if DS isn't feeding) but I am often breastfeeding for most of the evening and at the moment I am up most of the night breastfeeding. I feel exhausted and have had no time to just have a relaxing bath or watch TV alone as my DP gets frustrated quickly if DS cries and therefore he comes to me. My DP does get some leisure time but not loads, whereas I am almost always caring for DS in some capacity or doing chores. Even if we are watching TV I am usually feeding.
I don't want to sound like DS is a chore, but I told DP I would like to have a bit of structure where we both agree chores and a fair way to split them. I breastfeed a lot and obviously he can't do that, which makes it difficult! I feel like I am on duty 24/7 and I self-flagellate so much. I want to agree a reasonable amount of housework, baby care and leisure time for us both so that I can switch off sometimes. What do other people do? Or think is a fair division of time and chores? And if I went to playgroup is that me having a jolly or is that part of caring for my DS? DP is happy for me to do whatever so I don't know why I have so much guilt about not being Mary Poppins!
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AIBU?
Division of labour with a SAHP
79 replies
BeakyAndBun · 22/01/2016 16:53
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