This isn't sexist at all.

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

In my DH works on night shifts each of the wives/partners cook for all the men on shift.

I'm happy with it and so are all the other women, we have been doing this for years. It means they all get a hot home made meal.

The 1 partner of a new man who has started has pulled a strop and said it sexiest and very 1950.

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.
While I accept that children do eat these kind of meals within our friendship group all these are always done mild.

IABU to think it is not sexiest.

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested.

Are you saying you all go to their workplace and cook, or you cook it for them to bring in?

Sorry, I'm not sure I understand?

I don't think I understand. Why can't the men cook for themselves? Are the wives / partners paid?

If they worked with a woman would her husband/partner be expected to cook?
Maybe she has a busy job/life and feels a bit put out by the expectation that she has plenty of time to do this?
I think it's fine of a group of women have decided that they want to do this but not fair that it is being expected of new colleagues without discussion

Yabu to have a go at this woman. Fine if you want to cook these meals, nothing wrong with it. But presumably her 'pulling a strop' (classy choice of phrase) has to do with her not wanting to cook a massive dinner once a week. Nothing wrong with that either and yes it is unreasonable (and possibly sexist) to expect her to. If her husband wants to participate in the mealsharing he'll have to cook himself.

Either way, it would only be sexist if they were expected to do it because they're female.

If it's just simply something they want to do because they enjoy it, then it's not sexist.

In what way did the woman 'pull a strop'?

If there was a female member of staff on your DH's team presumably their husbands would pitch in with the cooking?

I think she has a perfect right not to cook if she doesn't want to. Is she being pressured into it? Just because all the other partners do it?

This set up might indeed seem a little sexist, if all the 'workers' are male. If one of the workers was female would their husband be expected to cook, for eg.

And the men can't cook because?

She "pulled a strop" you sounds a bit sexist before I'd finished reading.

If the new partner is saying she doesn't want to contribute, surely that is fine? If she wants to stop you and the others doing it, then it's not really her business. I would like to know more about how it works though- why don't the men eat before work or cook for themselves?

I don't think mass cooking is the sexiest thing around, but perhaps I am unusual

Maybe she isn't thrilled by the idea of being able to cook spicy food in the way the other women are. I wouldn't be. I hate spicy food and don't ever cook it.

There is something a little 1950s or even 1850s about the arrangement. But if it works for you and your DH then screw what anybody else thinks.
You can't force new guy and new guy's partner to join in. So draw up the rota without them and new guy will have to sort out his own food.

No one is expected to cook. If a women joined the workforce then if her husband or partner wanted to do it then he would be free.

She isn't expected to cook at all, her husband still get catered for.

The cooking is done at home and then transported in by the men.

When my DH is on night shift, I'm too busy eyeing up the bottle of wine in the fridge and stroking the TV remote, to even think about curried chicken.

You haven't explained how she threw a strop, OP?

Yes it's sexist. It's reinforcing the idea women should look after the men. Unless of course there are male partners involved in the rota?

You know it's sexist. I know you know it. Don't get annoyed at someone for refusing to participate and pointing it out!

Have I got this absolutely correct? A female partner goes out ( in the middle of the night? Leaving children?) to cook for a bunch of lazy men who can't be arsed to take sandwiches or use the cooking facilities to make their own food? Is this Stepford?

If she wanted to join in then it doesn't have to be a spices dish, they also take in pulled pork, stews, casseroles and other 1 pot wonders.

They cook the rice themselves, 1 man doesn't have a partner so does a full English breakfast.

If the cooking is done at home then it has nothing to do with this woman anyway. If her husband wants to cook and bring something he can, if he doesn't the he can just bring a sandwich. I do think it is very unreasonable and old fashioned that a man's packed meal is expected to be arranged by his wife.

Do you get paid or ingredients bought for you - do the husbands chip in for the stuff each meal? If not maybe she's balking at having to buy a shedload of stuff to do a massive batch cook & the associated cost.

I'm with her on this one. In the same circumstances I'd expect my DH to cook a meal to take in and leave me well out of it. Fine, if you like cooking. If, like me, you hate it, it would be purgatory.

Dh can and does cook his own food for work. It's up to you if you like doing it and up to her if she doesn't.

If you were saying wives should because they are wives then that would be bollocks.