To not want to give dd2 the big bedroom.

(278 Posts)
Maisyblue Sat 16-Aug-14 00:32:14

Dd1 goes to uni in September and obviously will only need her bedroom in the holidays. 10 year old dd2 therefore asks if she can have her bedroom because it's much larger. Aibu to say it's still dd1s room and it's not fair to move all her stuff into much smaller dd2s room?

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sat 16-Aug-14 00:34:28

Id leave it for dd1 until she moves out.Im assuming her uni halls etc are term time only?

MrsWinnibago Sat 16-Aug-14 00:34:35

YANBU. In a few years, when DD1 is more settled or coming home less, then maybe you can do it. I didn't get my older siblings' room till quite a while had passed and they were more settled in their own life and my parents could be sure they weren't coming home to stay.

Maisyblue Sat 16-Aug-14 00:42:19

Yes they're term time only. Dd2s room is very cramped, she has too much stuff, but it just doesn't seem right to give dd1s room to her.

stampymumknows Sat 16-Aug-14 00:43:56

It depends, doesn't it? What does DD1 say? How small is the small room, is there a huge difference?

My eldest moved out to Uni and his younger brother got his room. It was all agreed before hand. Younger bro was not to redecorate. He agreed to give up room if asked in holidays. Smaller room was v small indeed and DS1 could see the need. After a term of Uni DS1 had grown his wings and didn't care about room any more, gave up all rights. He will always have a place to stay and keep extra stuff if needed, but doesn't plan to live here if he can help it!

MrsWinnibago Sat 16-Aug-14 00:44:06's dd1s room. Maybe look at a cabin bed for DD2?

Bouttimeforwine Sat 16-Aug-14 00:46:32

Mmn a discussion is needed to try to persuade dd1 that it's a good idea to swap. If she refuses then leave it, but a bit of gentle persuasion bribary ...

Vitalstatistix Sat 16-Aug-14 00:48:13

I'd switch. I wouldn't have a child at home in a cramped space in order to reserve a room for one that's only there off and on. If they're only there now and again, it's easier for them to manage in a smaller room, with clever storage solutions, rather than have the child who is still living at home passing the big unused bedroom on their way to squeeze into their little box.

MrsWinnibago Sat 16-Aug-14 00:52:18

Vital have any of your children gone to University yet?

WaffleWiffle Sat 16-Aug-14 00:53:23


I was the youngest child at home and stuck in the 'box room' when I was growing up.

I had to wait for both my elder brothers (who shared the bigger room) to start uni before I got to swap into the big room. But the moment middle brother left for uni, I moved into the big room that weekend.

Why is it fair that the younger daughter has to continue using the cramped small room, when a bigger room is available most of the time? Strikes me as unfair on the youngest child. She has put up with being cramped in a small room for long enough, while elder daughter got the space. It is now her turn.

ogredownstairs Sat 16-Aug-14 00:53:38

I completely agree with vital. DS has a huge room (whole top floor of house with bathroom) and knows DD will get it when he goes to uni. There's no way we're keeping it empty for someone who doesn't live here full time. But we have spoken about this plenty of times over the years so there'll be no surprises..!

InculKate Sat 16-Aug-14 00:53:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Glastogirl Sat 16-Aug-14 00:54:18

If you won't give your dd2 the bigger room, Atleast let her sleep in it while dd1 is away smile

17leftfeet Sat 16-Aug-14 00:54:29

I got my sister's room the day she went to uni

It's not fair to have one at home full time in a very small room

NobodyLivesHere Sat 16-Aug-14 00:55:13

I would swap them. when I went to uni my sister got my bigger bedroom and i got the boxroom on weekends/holidays. made more sense as i wasnt there most of the time

InculKate Sat 16-Aug-14 00:55:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EverythingCounts Sat 16-Aug-14 00:55:59

I can see it's not the majority view, but it seems a little unfair to me to keep the big room for someone who may never live in it full time again. On the other hand, many young people graduate these days and bounce right back to their parents' place because the housing market is so expensive, so you can't easily talk about 'when they 'properly' move out as that could be 10 years away! Either way, your DD1 has then had the big room for (I assume) 18 years but your DD2 might never get it until she goes to uni herself.

Maisyblue Sat 16-Aug-14 00:56:14

Dd1 is adamant it's her room and refuses to consider her sister getting her room. Dd2s room is much smaller and not big enough for friends sleeping over. I can see both their points of view about it but really would just love dd1 to give the go ahead.

EverythingCounts Sat 16-Aug-14 00:57:25

Ah, ok, people of my way of thinking have turned up now!

CheerfulYank Sat 16-Aug-14 00:57:47

I'd swap them. But I left for college at 18 and never lived at home again, so maybe that colors my view a bit.

WaffleWiffle Sat 16-Aug-14 00:58:19

DD1 is being unreasonable. She can still have "her room" when she comes home, it will just be the small room not the big room.

NobodyLivesHere Sat 16-Aug-14 00:59:56

the OP doesn't actually say what DD1 has to say on the subject, is she objecting OP?

stampymumknows Sat 16-Aug-14 01:00:43

She is going to Uni. She can deal with a logical argument. Tell her a useful room is not going to waste whilst she is away. She has had her chamce for sleepovers, etc. Either get over it now or ease into a compromise like my boys did.

InculKate Sat 16-Aug-14 01:01:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheerfulYank Sat 16-Aug-14 01:01:26

I'd just do it. Unless DD1 is having a hard time with moving away and needs the reassurance that her home is still her home, iyswim. But even then I'd give it a time limit. It's not fair to DD2 IMO.

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