to think the dc and I shouldn't have to be restricted by being on call, just because dp is?

(167 Posts)
ClaudiaGooselover Sun 06-Jul-14 09:20:15

As part of dps job he's on call 5 nights per week. He very rarely gets called out but has to be 5 mins from work (I.e. At home) just in case. Often the dc will ask to walk our dogs or go to the park after tea and dps answer is 'we can't because I'm on call.' They are getting increasingly fed up with this and want to go without him. I have always said to them that he misses them when he's at work and so would like to see them in the evening, but they've said they're not fussed as they see him plenty on days off and if they stay home he doesn't play with them anyway. Which is true.

Another instance regarding being on call that irks me is weekends. I'm 7 months pregnant and dp often works weekends. With our 2.5 yr old he didn't get up once during the night. The older dc have busy weeks and are inclined to sleep in at weekends which would be great for me to catch up on a couple of hours of sleep if I've been up with baby. However if his on call alarm, or even normal alarm goes off it takes minutes for him to turn them off - leaving the whole house awake for me to deal with.

There is accommodation linked to his work that he can stay in when on call and he often stays there after being out on call as he wants to eat/chat with colleagues etc. It is more common for him to be called out at weekends. I think it'd be more considerate if he chose to stay over there for an entire weekend night so the dc and I could get a decent sleep and a lie in.

Yes, I knew him being on call was part of his job and accepted it means I can never be off call for the kids on those days. But I don't think it shouldmean the dc and I are so restricted/affected. Am I being unreasonable here?

HannerHet Sun 06-Jul-14 09:23:40

No your not being unreasonable at all. Why the hell should you stay in the house because HE is on call? Go out, I wouldn't think twice about it. And the rest sounds a bit selfish of him too. He has to realise that the world doesn't revolve around his job

sooperdooper Sun 06-Jul-14 09:27:15

Go out with the kids or let them do their own thing, you don't all have to stay indoors, I'd go stir crazy!!

Mrsjayy Sun 06-Jul-14 09:29:13

Dh tries to pull this rubbish when hes on call until I caughr him going to see a friend and other odds and sods that suited him although my dds are older now but he gets 15 to 30 minutes to get out the door he has his work mobile he can walk the dog

maxpower Sun 06-Jul-14 09:30:47

Why are you letting him dictate everyone else's activities? Sounds like he needs some 'feedback' on how a partnership should work.

VeryStressedMum Sun 06-Jul-14 09:32:03

Go out without him. Why would you stay in because he has to?! I would carry on and do what I had to.
If it's likely he will be called out on a weekend, then it may be a good idea for him to just stay there. How long would he be at home for before he's called out? Have you discussed this with him and how you feel?

Mrsjayy Sun 06-Jul-14 09:32:40

Please dont run your life around his work go out do your own thing he doesnt need to go with you all the time

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Sun 06-Jul-14 09:33:07

YANBU at all. Why should you all hang out at the house just because DH is on call? Makes no sense. The alarm issue is trickier but he should certainly do his best to turn it off immediately so he does not disturb you all. You may be being unreasonable to expect him to sleep at work, especially if he isn't called out that often, but he should c

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Sun 06-Jul-14 09:33:41

Consider doing so nights to ensure you won't be disturbed.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Sun 06-Jul-14 09:34:23

Some nights that should be.

hamptoncourt Sun 06-Jul-14 09:35:52

Christ this sounds really weird! He tells you you cannot leave the house? Read that back to yourself and have a little think.

magpiegin Sun 06-Jul-14 09:37:01

I would just go out with the kids. It's not fair for you or your kids to miss out because of his work. Have you spoken to him about his alarm?

ClaudiaGooselover Sun 06-Jul-14 09:38:05

He plays the 'i miss you all' card so I feel bad but think it's ridiculous that the dc and I can't just do what we want. This weekend, for example, the eldest dc were in a show and so I had to drop them off at 4, collect at 8, dragging younger 3 dc along as hes on call. Youngerdc had a late nap to accommodate being up late to fetch their siblings and older ones were really excited after the show. Dp was at home watching sport so the dc and I went to the park for an hour to burn off their energy. He was sulking when we returned, putting on a baby voice saying 'its not fair that I can't go to the park and just spend my life playing like Mummy' angry

rollonthesummer Sun 06-Jul-14 09:39:18

I'm confused; is he saying that he won't go to the park after school when he's on call, or that you can't take the kids?

Deverethemuzzler Sun 06-Jul-14 09:40:19

This 'aint right

sooperdooper Sun 06-Jul-14 09:40:28

Tell him straight to get a grip, I'm irritated on your behalf

ClaudiaGooselover Sun 06-Jul-14 09:41:04

Very Stressed it's usually after I've settled all the kids tobed. So hhe'll come and enjoy the meal I've cooked, supervise the dc while I wash up, do bath and bed routines and just settle myself down - his alarm goes off and he runs off, whole house is usually awake and it's all up to me to resolve.

Jennifersrabbit Sun 06-Jul-14 09:41:14

5 nights a week? Not a typo and you meant 5 nights a month?

Whichever I think he should be aiming for minimal impact on you and DCs. I do a on call rota where again, I don't often get called but have to be at home or somewhere else I can easily take private calls. I wouldn't expect DH and kids to stay in for my benefit. And certainly weekends you should talk about - could he sleep in a different room if alarm likely to wake everyone?

Obviously it depends what he's on call for but is the five minutes really that rigid - he can't walk round the corner to park with his mobile for eg?it seems his work have an incredible call on his time if this is five days a week!

For a contrast I get 30 minutes to respond to a call - I deal with out of hours stuff that is serious but not life threatening. Usually I respond much faster but I do have a window to gather myself/ throw kids at DH/ whatever.

ClaudiaGooselover Sun 06-Jul-14 09:42:03

I'll do bath and bed routines, that should've said. He can't because he's on call hmm

QuintessentiallyQS Sun 06-Jul-14 09:42:23

What a shit he is!

Go to the park! Ignore him!

newfavouritething Sun 06-Jul-14 09:42:34

His job, his choice. Am assuming he's paid well for being on call - is it in addition to regular working hours? If he doesn't like it he can change jobs. The 'baby voice it's not fair bit' has made me really angry, as has the leaving the alarm on. Time to grow up!

Deverethemuzzler Sun 06-Jul-14 09:42:39

Why can't he be on call while he is at the park?

I don't understand that at all.
Even brain surgeons get to go to the park or take the dog for a walk while they are on call.
EVEN pre mobile phones when they had bleepers.

What on earth does your OH do that means he has to stay in the house?

Have you checked his ankle recently? No big funny looking bracelet thing on there?

3littlefrogs Sun 06-Jul-14 09:43:12

Why on earth does he have to stay in the house?
Surely he has a mobile phone?
Is it life or death and he has to be there in 5 minutes?

DH is on call loads - has been for the last 30 years. We still go out and do things - just not far from base IYSWIM.

I often used to take the DC out if we needed to go further afield and leave DH to get on with work or whatever.

Mrsjayy Sun 06-Jul-14 09:43:31

Is he saying he cant go and you are taking it you cant go thats silly

newfavouritething Sun 06-Jul-14 09:45:21

He can't do bath & bed even though he's in the house? Lazy little fucker!Tell him to fuck off to the on site accommodation when on call, there's no point to him being at home and then you and the kids can start living your lives!

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