To think that having a spoilt child isn't something to be proud of?

(65 Posts)
floraldora Tue 22-Apr-14 17:26:10

My friend's DD is 6, and is thoroughly spoilt. My friend never, ever says "No" to her or her younger brother, and will do absolutely anything that her DD asks her to do, or rather demands that she does!

She also spoils her in a material way; she buys her toys and clothes constantly. The DD had three birthday parties this year. About 6 months ago she and her DH were painting her DD's room and the DD chose blue. Once the room was painted, the DD had a screaming tantrum about wanting pink instead, and they painted the whole room pink! We have been out for lunch before and the DD has ordered a meal. Once the meal has arrived the DD has put her parts on and said she wants something else, and my friend has just ordered something else for her!

Needless to say her DD is rude, demanding, and extremely bossy.

What baffles me is that my friend seems really proud of the fact that her daughter is so spoilt. She refers to her DD as "The Diva", and does endless Facebook statuses saying things like "Little Diva didn't like her dinner tonight so screamed until I cooked her some spaghetti. Love her". The statuses are done in an affectionate "Isn't she brilliant?" way, rather than a "She is hard work" kind of way.

She also seems proud when out and about and her DD plays up, and just refers to her as The Diva all the time. We went to a soft play place recently and her DD hit another child, and my friend just shrugged it off as her DD being a diva and "liking her own way"

If I didn't like my friend so much I'd distance myself as it all infuriates me.

AIBU to think that having a spoilt child that is likely to grow up to be a spoilt adult that no one likes is nothing to be proud of?

OurMiracle1106 Tue 22-Apr-14 17:31:19

And there was me thinking I was spoiling my niece (4) when after taking her ball pool and coming to mine I carry her up my (60) stairs to my flat (there is no lift)

I do treat her but im also not afraid to put her on the naughty step either.

The child is going to have issues at school and issues with authority as she gets older. She will think she can do what she wants when she wants

HPparent Tue 22-Apr-14 17:33:39

Yanbu. Going to grow up to be an unhappy and frustrated adult. My niece was a bit like this - luckily my sister saw the light. Our mother is a narcissist and I think dn was headed the same way. I wonder if your friend is living vicariously through her dd?

thebodydoestricks Tue 22-Apr-14 17:34:07

As a TA in reception!

Oh dear mummy and dd are in for a huge shock.

Poor child how dreadful to be brought up like this.

blanchedeveraux Tue 22-Apr-14 17:35:54

It's not necessarily the case that a spoiled child will make a spoiled adult. I know of 2 DCs who were thoroughly ruined as children but have grown up to be thoughtful, considerate adults.

If you don't like your friend's Facebook statuses about her DD, don't look at them. If it continues to "infuriate" you, you might have to distance yourself whether you like it or not. I know I had to when my erstwhile friend's PFB kept hitting my DD and stealing all her stuff, I had to take a step back.

uselessidiot Tue 22-Apr-14 17:41:57

YANBU. It does seem to be seen by some as a mark of being a better parent. I was once told by someone that saying no to a child was child cruelty. She was actually ranting about reporting someone to SS because they said no to their child and would tell them off. I was confused.

Blu Tue 22-Apr-14 17:44:37

I suspect that mostly parents parent I the way that suits them best and to the limit of what they can cope with - so your friend is happy to accommodate meal choice u turns etc etc, while some very strict parents impose routines and behaviour which is what they can cope with.

Then w, so when these children enter a new environment they are actually able to adapt - spoilt children learn a different routine at school, just as strictly brought up kids learn to go wild at other people's houses, and eat chocolate.

I think all this is fine - and different from damaging parenting that causes long term problems - inconsistency, unexplained rages, violence, emotional coldness, parent dependent on child for emotional validation, constant criticism and undermining, etc etc.

However, in your shoes, OP, I would be incredibly irritated, in being expected to line up alongside her and admire her dd's antics.

Saski Tue 22-Apr-14 17:49:02

A lot of people have a loud, self-promoting couched as self-deprecating way of parenting. Strange times we live in.

She probably thinks that her daughter being a diva is adorable and cool.

rinabean Tue 22-Apr-14 17:49:54

It's far, far better than the opposite but it must be annoying if your kids are there too and it's making them play up. I don't think she'll grow into a spoilt woman necessarily. Not everyone will treat her like her parents do and she will get used to that.

thebodydoestricks Tue 22-Apr-14 17:50:48

I am amazed people haven't taken the piss on fb about the diva posts.

All of my friends would post things like 'oh dear' and ' more fool you twat head' ( or similar)

Joylin Tue 22-Apr-14 17:51:55

She thinks her daughters obnoxious behaviour is charming and hilarious, she doesn't see what the rest of the world sees or the disgusted/horrified/irritated looks they presumably give her.

All parents think the sun shines out of their childs arse, a minority are stupid enough to think everybody else does too.

yanbu.

tobysmum77 Tue 22-Apr-14 18:00:16

yanbu. confused by the much better than the opposite comment. What better than telling the child to eat the dinner they ordered confused

SoleSource Tue 22-Apr-14 18:12:32

Opposite by being neglected.

hoohah Tue 22-Apr-14 18:13:05

It's easier to say yes than no when it comes to our dc (ime) although I think it can lead to inconsistency when the demands get too much. Blu is right in that you parent to the level which suits you best.

Yanbu though, maybe as she gets older the friendships she may or may not develop will change her behaviour.

Electriclaundryland Tue 22-Apr-14 18:18:45

I know a couple of children brought up like this. It isn't fair on them. They get very few playdates and are labelled as the 'naughty child' and shunned a bit at school.

balenciaga Tue 22-Apr-14 18:19:47

Omg op cringe at your friend. Can she not see how ridiculous she looks shock

floraldora Tue 22-Apr-14 18:24:02

I totally agree with those of you that say it is far better than neglect, however I still don't feel that it's 'good' parenting as such.

I know two adults that were both clearly spoilt as children and neither are very nice people. Neither have many friends and fall out with a lot of people because as soon as the other person won't do as they say, then they don't like it. They are both very demanding.

Bahhhhhumbug Tue 22-Apr-14 18:27:57

I have an adult SS who was an unexpected addition to the family apparently and so the perpetual 'baby' of the family by quite a few years. DH and his exw and her side of family , does and apparently always has done this eye rolling /'what's he like?/fools pardon routine with him , however bad his behaviour because he is 'Our little SSsname'
He is the most selfish, sociopathic, entitled and arrogant person you could ever have the pleasure of meeting. His siblings otoh are lovely hardworking considerate upstanding citizens.
No , he definitely hasn't been done any favours by this perpetual infantilising.

LayMeDown Tue 22-Apr-14 18:40:05

I don't think she will necessary grow up to be a horrible adult. I have a friend like this, in fact reading your first two paragraphs I thought it might be the same person. However going on the description of the child it isn't. Her kids are delightful, pleasent children. Used to being indulged in both time and money. Constantly receiving treats and presents. But completely secure in how much they are adored.
She loves to make them happy. She is very generous person who enjoys spending money. It is natural for her to spend money on her children. She is indulgent and patient. She is different from me. i dont spoil my kids like she does (I think i am naturally a more puritan/thrifty type person) but I think she is a wonderful mother and her kids are lucky to have her. She genuinely enjoys spoiling them.

The Diva.
<boak>

"If I didn't like my friend so much I'd distance myself as it all infuriates me."
In what way is your friend likable? And have you ever raised the matter with her?

CoffeeTea103 Tue 22-Apr-14 18:50:01

She sounds like a rude, entitled brat. Wonder if the mother will be so proud when her diva will have social issues.

MmeMorrible Tue 22-Apr-14 19:04:13

How does 'the diva' cope with school? If she's 6 she must be in Year 1 or 2?

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Tue 22-Apr-14 19:05:05

Well, the Diva could grow into a well balanced polite adult, but I wouldn't put money on it.

There is a local family where each child in turn was indulged to the hilt. DS1 is now an alcoholic, DS2 has been repeatedly arrested for public order offences (basically toddler tantrums, but performed by a 6 foot 28* stone adult) and DD1 has been given a suspended sentence for credit fraud, including trying to buy a horse with a forged bank draft.

* Yup, 28 stone.

1944girl Tue 22-Apr-14 19:09:33

I have a relative whose children are spoilt and she takes a great delight in posting about their daily antics on FB.
Trouble is most of her FB friends are of the same ilk and they all compete with each other about their little darlings' demanding behaviour.
It seems to be a habit with some people, they don't think their children are spoilt but very clever and intelligent.Things like ''know their own minds'' or ''no one is going to rule him/her''usually ending with the comment LOL or ha ha.

DorisAllTheDay Tue 22-Apr-14 19:44:04

Your post takes me back to a comment I've never forgotten made about me and my sister when we were in our early teens. My parents were immigrants and grew up in an extremely impoverished immigrant community. By the time they had us they were doing relatively well for themselves - when I say relatively, we would still have been considered working class, but we didn't lack for any necessities and had quite a few luxuries. My sister got a radio/cassette player for her birthday one year and she proudly showed it off to one of my dad's friends who'd come over. He made a comment about her being spoilt by such a wonderful present, and I've never forgotten my dad's huge grin of pure delight at the idea that he had the means to spoil his children. I don't recall ever seeing him prouder. Not what you meant, OP, but it took me right back!

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