AIBU to think its fucking cruel...

(110 Posts)
chirpchirp Tue 26-Nov-13 12:33:31

To make a woman who is miscarrying and attempting to hold it together sit in a waiting room for over an hour surrounded by happy pregnant, bump rubbing women?

I probably am as I'm emotionally drained and haven't slept properly since I started bleeding on Sunday. I've been sent for a scan to confirm what I already know, I'm here on my own as DH can't afford to take time off work and my only friend who knows is looking after DS so I didn't have to bring him with me. My appointment was over an hour ago, apparently they are running late as it's a junior doctor but that's all they can tell me not how much longer I'll be here for.

There must be other women going through what I am, could they not gives us all appointments in the morning or at the end of the day so we can all sit here close to tears together rather than hearing the (understandable) excited giggle of women who aren't going through hell?

RebeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 29-Nov-13 14:55:34

Hi all,

Here is a link to the letter you can send to your local NHS Trust or practice.

Please do take the time to copy the letter and forward it on.

nopanicandverylittleanxiety Wed 27-Nov-13 22:15:14

yanbu

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this

KatieMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 27-Nov-13 21:37:28

Hello everyone

So sorry to hear that so many of you are going through this or have recently gone through this.

We've drafted a template letter that those of you that want to can adapt and send to your local trust. This should be up on the site early tomorrow.

As Becky says it was a big part of our campaign, but frustratingly after central govt. (or other politicians) give warm words, they then say, 'so yes, do get involved with each hospital locally', which obviously is pretty tricky and some hospitals are better than others.

What everyone is talking about here, being able to wait and be treated in a separate space, is actually part of existing guidelines,but very clearly not everyone adheres to them. Following on from the campaign we asked each trust (in England) what they were doing. You can read the results of the trusts that responded to our 2012 FOI requests here. If you're happy to please do post any responses you receive from the trusts.

Best

MNHQ

chirpchirp Wed 27-Nov-13 16:41:26

Saddened by how many women have had the same experience, and often far worse experiences than me. My heart goes out to all of you.

cosysocks Wed 27-Nov-13 15:30:56

I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that. I also had to do it twice once to confirm miscarriage and again to say my womb was empty.
I hope you take care of yourself and I'm sorry for your loss x

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers Wed 27-Nov-13 15:29:16

Horrible experience for you and my heart goes out to you.
At Kings there was a special unit for the Early Pregnancy scans, but I did wonder at the time if this would exist in smaller hospitals, as it would have been painful to be with the routine ones.
I had 2 miscarriages within 6 months, The doctor said 'Hello, nice to meet you again'. Er, not really. confused
dh could not come to either scan, and my pregnant friend came to one with me!

mrsjay Wed 27-Nov-13 15:27:18

elf it doesnt take much for a miscarry scan or appointment to be done away from pregnant women it really doesn't all it is is a managing of a clinic,

I can still remember years ago when I was on antenatal ward women who had had miscarraiges and still births were in with all us still pregnant women and babies and new mums on the other side of the ward I hope it isn't like that nowadays

Pawprint Wed 27-Nov-13 15:22:33

It's completely horrible, isn't it?

I hated, hated, hated that waiting room when I had miscarriages. Seeing all the women cooing over their scan pictures when I had just been told my baby had died sad

I'm so sorry about your miscarriage sad

That's a terrible way to treat you, I'm so sorry.

When my DT's were born 8 weeks prem by EMCS they went straight to special care, and I went straight to the main ward and spent the next 48 hours surrounded by happy families (and crying babies) all the time not knowing whether my 2 were going to make it. When I asked if I could go to a side ward or single room there were raised eyebrows as if I were being ultra unreasonable, it was awful.

I can't imagine it's deliberate, just completely thoughtless.

hermioneweasley Wed 27-Nov-13 14:44:28

Elfontheshelf, what OP is asking for doesn't cost anything. So many of the problems people experience are about standards of care and simple systems and process issues, easily fixed.

It would cost nothing to have women who are being seen for miscarriage to be seen first thing, or for the safe surgery checklist to be used, or for people to wash their hands between patients etc etc.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO Wed 27-Nov-13 14:40:07

Yes its horrific but al our hospitals are now dangerous places where people die needlessly all the time, care is not taken due to massive stress and over work.

I agree that of course they should be able to make special measures for sensitive cases, but the reality is, its a mircacle to get anything from the health service these days, they do a great job but they are servicing too many people with no budgets or increase in staff or hospitals to match. something has to give.

NoComet Wed 27-Nov-13 14:37:57

YANBU

My local NCT's favorite MW was trying to stop this happening 15 years ago. Everyone said she was brilliant with bad and suspected bad news, but she had an uphill struggle with the consultants and the hospital layout.

I'm really sorry OP that after all these years it's still a problem flowers

RaxacoricofallapatorianCatpuss Wed 27-Nov-13 14:17:54

I'm so sorry OP. It feels like the end of the world, but it does get better.
I actually had a positive experience when I MC, well as positive as a MC can be.
The experience that upset me was having gynae treatment. My hospital makes those women with gynae problems sit looking into the Antenatal clinic. PG women everywhere. I wasn't planning any more DC at the time but the worry that that option might be taken away was horrible enough without having your face rubbed in it. The lady sat next to me really broke my heart. She was quite young and was apparently looking facing a hysterectomy. She sat there, watching all of these happy mothers to be going by, saying to her husband that it wasn't the op that upset her, it was the thought that she would never get to hold her own baby in her arms. sad
Surely there is no need for anyone to have go through that?

spiderlight Wed 27-Nov-13 13:51:16

So sorry you are going through this sad I went through the same last Christmas, and between having the scan that revealed that my baby had died and waiting to see the more senior midwife, DH and I were left to wait on some seats next to the machine where couples were printing out their scan pictures.

PickleSarnie Wed 27-Nov-13 13:43:13

That’s sad to hear that things haven’t changed at St Georges. I had a miscarriage that they thought might be ectopic so had to sit in the waiting room surrounded by pregnant women whilst waiting for scans, blood tests etc. I was “fortunate” in that I didn’t want to be pregnant (had only known my now husband for a few weeks) so was able to be quite detached from it all, but having now been pregnant three more times one of which was another miscarriage, the thought of having to sit in that waiting room surrounded by happy pregnant women cooing over their scan pictures whilst everything was going wrong would have been devastating.

nearlyreadytopop Wed 27-Nov-13 13:39:07

yanbu. I'm so sorry you are going through this, its utterly shit. I have lost 3 and the standard of care and consideration ranged greatly. Best care from a very small local hospital where I had the first appointment of the day and could leave via a side door instead of walking past rows of bumps. Worst case was at 17 weeks, baby arrived at home, I called gynae ward they said to come in but insisted I went to a&e first. I had to sit in the public a&e waiting room, with the baby in a tupperware box, bleeding everywhere while the tried to find someone to admit me. Despite sitting on a bath towel the seat was covered and when I finally got called I left a trail of blood across the floor. At that stage I was beyond noticing anyone but looking back I am fucking cross that no one thought to find somewhere/anywhere private for me to sit. There was definitely no dignity or respect that day.
Op there are lovely people over in the pregnancy loss section (under body and soul) if you want some moral support.

groovejet Wed 27-Nov-13 13:31:45

I am sorry for your loss.

I went through the same a few years ago and is is disheartening that hospitals still show such little consideration. The scanners refused to scan me until the next day despite the lovely nurses on the ward pleading with them to fit me in, the next morning they refused to see me first thing again despite pleading from the nurses.

Then had to deal with the set up in the scan room waiting with obvious pregnant women then after the scan you had to sit back in the same room to wait to be called into another room so having to listen to other peoples happy results was heartbreaking.

Look after yourself OP x

katese11 Wed 27-Nov-13 13:14:11

Not U at all. I'm sorry for your loss.

Igloofornow Wed 27-Nov-13 11:53:47

Chirpchirp, so sorry that you are going through this. The same thing happened to me in the same hospital as you, three years ago. I really hoped they would have a better set up in the new hospital. My friend was in there for a d & c after her third mc, the Dr breezed into the room and said, I see you are here for a termination shock

Hugs to you, be kind to yourself x

BitOutOfPractice Wed 27-Nov-13 11:39:24

Oh op how awful for you. I'm so sorry this is happening.

Tailtwister Wed 27-Nov-13 11:34:15

YANBU, it's really insensitive.

I'm very sorry for your loss OP.

vladthedisorganised Wed 27-Nov-13 11:31:53

I would add from my own experience that, if hospitals must see women who are miscarrying or have miscarried in the same area as antenatal scans, it is absolutely essential that their notes be read in detail before they are seen.

I had a scan to determine whether my miscarriage had completed; as I walked in the doctor congratulated me on my pregnancy, expressed surprise that DH wasn't with me and only then looked at the notes. He tried to laugh his way out of it and it took all my self-control not to break down. I know everyone is rushed, costs are cut and so on, but if he had read the notes first it would have made a lot of difference.

Feminine Wed 27-Nov-13 11:28:38

I had a late mc about 12 years ago. I had a very traumatic ending and was 'taken care of' by St Georges , Tooting.

To make matters even worse/peculiar , on the week my baby would have needed to have newborn checks...a midwife turned up on my front door to check on me!

Sorry to hear of your situation op thanks

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 27-Nov-13 11:18:29

Singsongmummy that's where it happened to me too a month ago.

Hi MNHQ. It happened to me 2yrs ago at St George's, Tooting if we're naming names.

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