AIBU to think that 'but it's mother's day' is a crap excuse.

(483 Posts)
manicinsomniac Sun 10-Mar-13 18:51:26

We had the dress rehearsal of our very large scale school play all day today .

The children were not forced to be in it. They auditioned. They have known since mid October that this rehearsal was unmissable in almost all circumstances and that if they couldn't commit to it then they couldn't be in the show.

on Friday night as he left for home one boy (with a large-ish part) told us he can't come as it's mother's day. I rang home explaining the importance of the rehearsal and pointing out how long it has been scheduled for but the response was no, he can't be away from his family on mother's day.

And now they are cross because we've kicked the kid out. They were warned.

The other 70 odd children were all there.

So, AIBU?

Startail Sun 10-Mar-13 19:07:52

Senior school YANBU
Primary DCs might be soppy about Mother's Day and be going out for lunch. Teens can treat their mums' to Indian takeaway and wine in the evening.

I wouldn't kick him off the show. I think even at 19 school children are still that. They live at home and rely on parents for money and transport. Sometimes it's just not fair to play home against school.

teatrolley Sun 10-Mar-13 19:08:00

At 13 he doesn't have a choice.

idshagphilspencer Sun 10-Mar-13 19:09:27

Oh an op how do you know that for this family mothers day is not particularly poignant? There may have been a bereavement or illness that means being together as a family is particularly significant. YABVU

Iamsparklyknickers Sun 10-Mar-13 19:09:46

I wonder if they would have pulled him out if it was his birthday? It's kind of the same situation isn't it and I think I would still think YANBU if the rules and dates had been laid down for a while.

These things happen on special dates sometimes and you just have to work with it.

Still feel sorry for the lad though, I don't think at 13 I would have been confident enough to walk out of the house and defy my parents like that to attend a rehersal. Chances are if they didn't see the importance of it for today they wouldn't for the actual performances.

kinkyfuckery Sun 10-Mar-13 19:10:11

What kind of school production costs thousands, takes 5 months to prepare for and means it's ok to ask a child to choose between it and his mother?

MollyMurphy Sun 10-Mar-13 19:10:15

I don't know why you'd think a 13 year old has a choice if his parents said no....

You don't know what their family situation is at all - perhaps the GPS travelled for the get together for example

The more I think about it the more I think YABU.....presumably the child came to all the other rehearsals..?

ivykaty44 Sun 10-Mar-13 19:10:19

69 children committed to the school play and came to rehearsal - why should they be told you can't spend the day with your mum but this boy can and still be in the play

YANBU

I would have sent my dd for an all day rehearsal any way without a quibble

You kicked a kid out of the play due to his parents actions and you think YNBU?

YABVU. You're penalising the child for something he had no control over. Maybe he doesn't see his grandparents often and they came down to visit? You've probably upset him a lot.

Taffeta Sun 10-Mar-13 19:10:48

YABU for posting this in AIBU on Mumsnet on Mothers Day.

And unthinking to have the rehearsal scheduled for Mothers Day. Whoever was responsible for the scheduling of the play and the dress rehearsal should have checked their calendar. Last year.

What is more important here?

You dont punish the child because of the actions of the parents shock of course yabu.

We do a school play very well in 3 months- 180 kids, what kind of play is this? West End?

yy Taffeta, how silly to schedule a whole days rehearsal on Mothers Day.

BigRedBox Sun 10-Mar-13 19:11:44

Yanbu, some people think the rules don't apply to them. You're dead right - how unfair it would be on the 70 that did make the effort if you'd said to this one it was fine to miss it.

I enjoy Mothers Day but FFS - it's just an arbitrary day! Just celebrate the day before etc. I also think our children need to see that sometimes there are tricky decisions to be made and you have to accept hthe consequences. They decided Mothers Day was more important than his role in the play, that's their prerogative. But it is the parents who have made him lose his role not you.

squeakytoy Sun 10-Mar-13 19:11:47

"I'm really surprised by anyone thinking mother's day is so special."

You havent been posting on here long then! grin

idshagphilspencer Sun 10-Mar-13 19:12:36

My friend lost her mum this year, today has been so hard for them as a family. They have shut the door on the world and hidden. Maybe this family has similar circumstances, but hey op the show must go on eh.

gatheringlilac Sun 10-Mar-13 19:12:53

I'm wondering whether your name is Linda and you keep llamas.

Frankly neither mother's day nor school plays are important in the grand scheme of things: to dust we go and one day the sun will die and no-one/nothing will care that there was a clever animal and his/her friends living on a small planet in this universe.

I think you sound a little OTT about your school play, tbh. How much does that matter? Really?

We didn;t do mother's day here, at all. I'm a leetle bitter, to be frank. I'm a leetle bit jealous of the child's mother.

But really, none of it really matters.

NonnoMum Sun 10-Mar-13 19:13:23

Mu DH works at least 5 days a week. I work weekends (but not Sunday). Sunday is the only day we get to be a family. If My DC had committed to being in a (non-essential) play and had been to EVERY rehearsal since the beginning and fully committed to the play and then missed ONE rehearsal to be with me for a me for a meal for Mothers' Day, then I would be absolutely livid that he had been kicked out.

NonnoMum Sun 10-Mar-13 19:14:12

So, OP you are being VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVUR.
But, I understand that you are trying to get a play together. Then you have to build in contingencies for this sort of thing.

idshagphilspencer Sun 10-Mar-13 19:14:32

Oh and my dh produces school productions.....he's popped out to get the op a new grip.

ivykaty44 Sun 10-Mar-13 19:14:32

mothers day is not so special to 69 secondary school children- even if it is to 69 mumsneters.

There is always a big bun fight about mothers day being so special it rates higher than anyones wedding day or christmas on here grin

ENormaSnob Sun 10-Mar-13 19:14:51

I don't think mothers day is special at all but appreciate that to others it's a big deal.

Why couldn't rehearsal have been scheduled for a different day?

I feel really sorry for the poor lad.

BalloonSlayer Sun 10-Mar-13 19:15:21

Hmm well I hope for your sake it really IS a case of the family being selfish, and not that the Grandmother is seriously ill, and . . .

LadyStark Sun 10-Mar-13 19:15:22

YABU. Very.

Poor kid.

manicinsomniac Sun 10-Mar-13 19:15:36

Yep, I agree it's a shame for him. But I still think we would have no chance of managing a cast of 70+ if we didn't make strict rules and stick to them. It wasn't only up to the children to make the commitment in October, all the parents had to sign the consent forms (there have been other out of hours commitments) and agree to the rules.

They changed the goalposts, not us.

Interesting how many YABUs there have been though. I suppose I'm going to have to be a bit classically 'well I still don't think I am' about it (!), I just wanted to see how many families might have done the same thing! A lot it seems! I suppose we're lucky there weren't any other complaints.

TidyDancer Sun 10-Mar-13 19:15:48

I'm split on this.

I think YANBU to request attendance and in light of the fact that they signed up knowing they had to be there, YAprobablyNBU to be hardline now.

However....you are sounding quite nasty to dismiss Mother's Day when it is obviously important to this family. At 13, that boy would not have had a choice about this. I thin I would equate this with illness or emergency preventing attendance, specifically because this was not the child's fault.

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