I'm probably being entitled/unreasonable, but should the teacher wait on my child?

(1000 Posts)
WhenIsBedtime Wed 06-Mar-13 09:59:01

My child has high functioning autism. Attends a mainstream school. Her issues are very mild. No need for an assistant or anything.

The way it works in the school yard each morning is this:

Bell goes at 9am.
All children run to their class marks and line up.
Class teachers come out, and guide them into the building, starting with the youngest to the oldest class.

My child is in the youngest class.

Perhaps once or twice a week, we're a few minutes late. The bell has already gone and her class has lined up by the time we reach the yard. However, we're never so late that her class has already gone inside by the time we arrive. We can always see them.

The entrance gate is at the other end of the huge yard from where the children line up.

On our late days, as we arrive at the gate, the teacher has already came out. He can see my dd running towards the line, but he decides to take the class inside anyway, without waiting on her.

By the time my (very slow) daughter reaches the place her class lines up, they are already inside the building, and the other classes are going inside.

My daughter then gets really upset as she doesn't understand it's okay to go through the door without her own teacher or class. She doesn't understand she should just run ahead of the next class going in, or even join their line instead. Parents aren't normally allowed in the yard. But when this happens, i run in to her and try and convince her to go into the building. But she says "No, I'm waiting on Mr Teacher and my class."

The teacher from an older class then takes her inside for me instead.

I realise such upset/confusion for my child wouldn't happen if i was there with her before 9am every day, but lateness does happen. And other children usually run into the yard up to five minutes late, behind us, but they quite happily join on the back of another class's line. Whereas my daughter won't without a heck of a lot of protest and causing a scene.

Personally (and here's where i'm probably being unreasonable), I think dd's teacher should wait on her if he sees dd running towards him and her class in the yard. It takes no more than a minute for her to run across the yard from the gate.

Obviously, if we weren't at the gate by the time he came out to greet the class, or if we were very late, i wouldn't expect him to wait. But when he can see dd at the other end of the yard, why can't he just wait? Thus avoiding her getting upset and confused?

I've spoken to him about it before, and he says that because his class is the youngest, and goes inside first, if he was to wait, it would delay all the other classes, and it would mean he'd have to occupy his own class for an additional minute.

Just wanted to add, that the children never have to wait outside in adverse weather conditions. They're able to go straight into the building on these days, rather than line up outside and wait on a teacher.

I just don't get why he can't wait an extra minute on dd, yet it's okay for him to be several minutes late on occassion, leaving his class waiting outside, holding up the other classes.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm probably just being precious/unreasonable, but i'd appreciate some opinions.

YAB totally U. Get to school on time....why should the teacher and the other kids hang around because you are late...again.

Get there earlier, one child should not hold up the class. A whole class lined up can wait on the teacher.

Getting there early enough is within your responsibility. Particularly as you know for sure that it upsets her.

BumpingFuglies Wed 06-Mar-13 10:02:16

Sorry I think YABU. Occasional lateness is one thing, but once or twice every week? Why? I would think in your daughter's case it is especially important to get her there on time to avoid her distress.

givemeaclue Wed 06-Mar-13 10:02:17

Why can't you just get your child to school on time "lateness does happen", really? Why? Get up earlier, get out the house earlier.

mnistooaddictive Wed 06-Mar-13 10:02:39

Get there earlier.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Wed 06-Mar-13 10:03:19

Lateness does happen, but once or twice a week is taking the piss.

WhenIsBedtime Wed 06-Mar-13 10:03:28

Even when the teacher can clearly see dd running towards him? You think it's okay he takes his class inside anyway, rather than wait for less than a minute on her crossing the yard?

I'm not being snipey, sorry if my tone comes across that way. I'm just genuinely unsure how to help this situation.

I can't guarantee i'm going to be there before 9am every morning. No one can. Things happen. I want to find a way that stops dd getting upset on the inevitable occassions we are a few minutes late.

Yes, lateness does happen but it's still your responsibility.

So if you CHOOSE to be late then you put up with your kid being upset.

Amphitrite Wed 06-Mar-13 10:03:40

You should be at school on time. Late doesn't happen, you cause it to happen. I can't even begin to see where you are coming from on this one. If your daughter is upset, and I can see why she is if she is HFA then that is your fault, not the teacher's. Take responsibility.

Iggly Wed 06-Mar-13 10:03:42

Get there on time. Yes "lateness happens" but 9/10 times it's your fault.

Get up early, leave earlier.

I speak of the child of a mum like you - I hated it and to this day I hate being late for anything. One morning, aged 7/8 I took matters into my own hands and walked out to school by myself after getting fed up of mum making me late. She then let me go by myself grin

The fact I remember it now tells you everything.

TaggieCampbellBlack Wed 06-Mar-13 10:04:15

Don't be late.

Although if you are late due to DDs ASD (like if she is mid-meltdown or anxious) then school need to make a plan with you for taking her in with a TA or you dropping her off at her classroom.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Wed 06-Mar-13 10:04:27

YABU. Get there on time. Lateness doesn't happen of its own accord.

Yes it is perfectly fine for him to carry on taking the class in even if he can see your DD.

Time waits for no man kid !

Twinklestarstwinklestars Wed 06-Mar-13 10:04:40

Yabvu unreasonable, why should all the other children wait, you know it upsets her so be on time. I have to say in 4 years of my ds being at school we have only been late once when my car didn't start and I'm a cm so have 6 kids to get to school.

Greensleeves Wed 06-Mar-13 10:05:01

Sorry, but you need to get her to school on time. I know it's tricky in the mornings, but a child with HFA needs secure routines and predictability even more than an NT child.

The teacher is doing the right thing by taking his class inside at the correct time. Do you know how pressurised the school day is in terms of fitting everything in? They can't wait around for a child whose parents haven't brought her to school on time. And what message would it send to the other children if they stood around waiting for your dd?

Get up earlier!

Gingersstuff Wed 06-Mar-13 10:05:08

If you don't want to child to get upset and confused, then get up earlier and get her to bloody school on time. It's not rocket science, you know hmm

Softlysoftly Wed 06-Mar-13 10:05:15

How do you know he sees her? It also sounds very precise being occasionally 1 minute late, a 1 off maybe but this sound systematic....

Amphitrite Wed 06-Mar-13 10:05:22

I'd really like it if you could explain WHY you can't be at school for 9am every morning. In the 12 years I have had children at school they have never been late for school. Not once. Most people aren't. Why are you so different?

YABU. If the school does it in order of year groups the whole school would be delayed if the teacher waited.

Leave the house 5 mins earlier.

reddaisy Wed 06-Mar-13 10:05:57

Get there on time! Your child, your responsibility.

DowntonTrout Wed 06-Mar-13 10:06:01

Wow.

So several hundred? children should stand in line and wait because you are late?

Get there earlier. Don't put your DD in this position. Then she will not be upset.

And once or twice a week? That is 20-40% of the time!

AitchTwoOhOneTwo Wed 06-Mar-13 10:06:36

you HAVE to get there on time. You have to get there ten minutes early, like most other people do, in fact, so that their kids can have a good run round with their pals and blow off some steam. Aim for 8.50am, that's your new start time, then if 'things happen' you've still got wiggle room.

OddBoots Wed 06-Mar-13 10:06:38

I would accept that lateness happens very occasionally, very occasionally would be once or twice a year at most when things really happen out of the blue. If it is just a couple of times a year then doubt you would be concerned so it must be more frequent so that is not lateness just happening, it is not leaving enough time.

BadabingBadabong Wed 06-Mar-13 10:07:02

WOW I can't actually believe how unreasonable you are being.

You are late once or twice A WEEK.???
I have never, ever been late and I have 2 children at 2 different schools so drop one at breakfast club and drive all the way through town to get the other to school.
The teacher has explained and given good reason why he cannot wait for your child but that's not good enough?
He is probably pissed off at your child always being late.
You know it upsets your daughter yet you are still regularly late.

The solution? Get up earlier and leave the house earlier. Sit outside school and do reading with her.
Yabvvvvvvvvvvu.

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